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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by annierose on August 29, 2009, at 16:51:45
--- after a two week vacation. I guess I forget how I handled past vacations and I forget how hard they can be.
My feelings always seem to take me by surprise --- the vacum in my life when I don't have therapy. I see her three times a week and she is a huge support system in my life (even as I push her away).
On the plus side, I did enjoy the extra time in my schedule. I didn't feel as rushed those three mornings a week. But overall, I felt sad. And when I wallow in the sadness, in spills into feeling stupid ... and the slippery slope of negatively continues.
And I know the first session back is typically disappointing --- at least for me. She'll be all refreshed, rested and tan and ask in her chipper tone, "So how did the past two weeks go?" And I'll say, "fine" and then the silence will begin until I grab onto a subject matter.
Of course, I could always cancel. But I never do.
Posted by Daisym on August 29, 2009, at 17:48:32
In reply to My therapist comes back on Monday ---, posted by annierose on August 29, 2009, at 16:51:45
I wonder what would happen if we made a packed to not use the word "fine" on Mondays. You promise and I'll promise - and on top of that - to push yourself to be as honest as possible about how the two weeks went.
For me (only one week) it went up and then down. I did fine for 5 whole days - and then felt the dip beginning - tried to shove it back -- and the battle was on.
It isn't that we don't want to not miss our therapists. That seems OK. I think, for me at least, I don't want to need him. And when I ask myself what I need him for, the answer is really basic - I need him to feel steady in my life and to hold a lot of the feelings that can't live anywhere but inside his office. I run out of capacity to hold stuff - and then it begins to strangle me with the anxiety and sadness. Boy I hate that.
So if you could say to her - "I was fine part of the time and then there were times where there was this great sadness. I missed you. But it was more than that" - where would that take you? What questions do you need to ask to figure out that she missed you too and that she is still the same as when she left. At some point in every reconnecting session I'll ask, "did you forget?" And he will know exactly what I'm talking about and shake his head and say, "how could I forget? I'll never forget." We don't have to talk about it more than that if I'm not ready, but I have to ask. God - if he ever says, "forget what?" I'll be crushed!
Separation is hard, Reconnecting is equally hard. I hope Monday goes well.
Posted by annierose on August 29, 2009, at 22:17:24
In reply to Re: My therapist comes back on Monday --- » annierose, posted by Daisym on August 29, 2009, at 17:48:32
See ... that's the difference. My t would ask "forget what?" - - but it would come from a place of wanting to make sure we were on the same page, than of forgetting about me or my specific stories.
After I posted, I said to myself, "Self - don't say 'fine' tell her it was good some days and sad and hard and angry others."
So I will definitely try to uncover those honest feelings and not run away from them. I am typically her first client on Monday mornings so I feel responsible not to be heavy and depressing on her first hour back at work. I know when I return from a vacation, I don't want to hear about any problems for at least an hour or two.
I know, I know, that's not my responsibility.
You also came home to a ton of WORK and STRESS so the need to be supported and heard grows ... that part that says "Help me" and who better to help than our therapists ... at least they can tell us it's going to be okay and we will get through it all.
Posted by Dinah on August 30, 2009, at 13:39:54
In reply to My therapist comes back on Monday ---, posted by annierose on August 29, 2009, at 16:51:45
I think what Daisy said was very wise.
And if I were coming back from vacation, I can't imagine what better thing to come back to than my client being honest about what my absence meant to them.
It makes sense to miss her. You see her three hours a week.
Posted by annierose on August 30, 2009, at 18:02:29
In reply to Re: My therapist comes back on Monday --- » annierose, posted by Dinah on August 30, 2009, at 13:39:54
Thank you and I know you are right. I promise to be true to my feelings. Sometimes I feel my relationship with her is larger than life AND my imagined relationship with her is better than the one that exists within the walls of her office. [and i have had that conversation with her - - - she thinks the part that diminishes our relationship serves to protects me from getting hurt --- or something like that].
Did you ever see the movie "500 Days of Summer"? I loved that movie. There is a scene (and it's not giving away the movie or its plot ... just one film technique used in the movie) ... displayed on a split screen. One side of the screen is how this man imagines what is going to happen when he sees this girl and the other side of the screen shows the audience what really happened - -- side by side. I loved that sequence because I have that side by side movie playing in my head all the time. My wish vs the reality ... the wishing part is always better.
Posted by Dinah on August 31, 2009, at 7:38:37
In reply to Re: My therapist comes back on Monday --- » Dinah, posted by annierose on August 30, 2009, at 18:02:29
> Thank you and I know you are right. I promise to be true to my feelings. Sometimes I feel my relationship with her is larger than life AND my imagined relationship with her is better than the one that exists within the walls of her office.
I've said that to my therapist so often that I believe he has come to agree with me. There's the relationship with him, then there's the relationship with him that exists solely in my mind. There's the real him, and there's the him that exists in my mind.
But he wants me to bring all those relationships to the therapy room, and let him in on them. He says the him in my mind is often a lot wiser than the him in person. I'm pretty sure he's teasing me.
Posted by Annierose on August 31, 2009, at 10:32:31
In reply to Re: My therapist comes back on Monday --- » annierose, posted by Dinah on August 31, 2009, at 7:38:37
>>>But he wants me to bring all those relationships to the therapy room, and let him in on them. He says the him in my mind is often a lot wiser than the him in person. I'm pretty sure he's teasing me.
That's interesting. I imagine he says that because you are so insightful into your own psyche ... and have things figured out often before he has.
My t thinks the therapist I hold in my mind is more or less who she truly is ... but I cannot take in the kind or gentle part of her in when I am with her. It's far easier to believe she doesn't want to be with me or hear my stories.
Today was a decent first session back --- as far as these things go. I was true to my feelings and she was responsive.
Posted by Daisym on August 31, 2009, at 20:00:53
In reply to Re: My therapist comes back on Monday --- » Dinah, posted by Annierose on August 31, 2009, at 10:32:31
I was running late - only by 30 seconds or so - but when I walked into the waiting room my therapist was leaning over the gate at the bottom of the stairs with his arms wide open and he goes, "I've been waiting here all week for you!" :)
It was a good start.
Posted by annierose on August 31, 2009, at 21:14:16
In reply to Re: My therapist comes back on Monday ---, posted by Daisym on August 31, 2009, at 20:00:53
AAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ---
That is so darn cute!
I love your t. He is so genuine and comfortable with your relationship.
Don't let him go!
Posted by TherapyGirl on September 1, 2009, at 6:18:26
In reply to Re: My therapist comes back on Monday ---, posted by Daisym on August 31, 2009, at 20:00:53
He is fabulous, isn't he? I'm so happy for you, Daisy.
Posted by Dinah on September 1, 2009, at 16:13:45
In reply to Re: My therapist comes back on Monday ---, posted by Daisym on August 31, 2009, at 20:00:53
I think I'm halfway in love with your therapist. :)
I had to make do with my therapist being comfortable enough with me to pick his nose and start a pile of clippings from biting his fingernails on our first session back.
Not quite the same thing...
Posted by Dinah on September 1, 2009, at 16:21:57
In reply to Re: My therapist comes back on Monday --- » Dinah, posted by Annierose on August 31, 2009, at 10:32:31
That's great, Annierose! Do you think you'll be able to keep the momentum of being true to your own feelings?
I love that I can express what I'm feeling with my therapist, no matter how "not nice" or unreasonable it may be. It doesn't change the realities of course. But the realities don't feel so bad when he acknowledges my feelings with empathy.
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