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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by moonshadow on August 10, 2009, at 19:20:38
Perhaps I shouldn't be as annoyed as I am. I have a new T/psychiatrist. She's psycho-dynamic, so there are times of silence in our sessions. She uses this silence to: pick at her cuticles. Bite her nails. Pick at the skin on her arm. Gather the lint off her skirt. It's very distracting to have this silence, then hear her gnawing on herself, or see her pick the lint off her clothes.
What do your T's do during silent periods? I'm new to this, and perhaps all T's bite their nails. I found it distracting...even sort of like she didn't care enough about me to be polite for 45 minutes. I guess I'm boring. But what else can I be when I'm not talking? Should I juggle??
Oh, and the silent periods are short -- as in, 1-2 minutes. No more.
And do I mention it to her? I'm trying my best to be a good client and not make waves, because I know she's distressed that I s/i and has hinted that that may be a reason therapy with her wouldn't be suitable. Grrrrr.
Posted by Dinah on August 10, 2009, at 19:44:10
In reply to Grrrr. Bad T habits, posted by moonshadow on August 10, 2009, at 19:20:38
My therapist often indulges in self grooming habits. I used to think it was a sign of disrespect to me, but now I just think it's what he does. He even has a little kit that includes fingernail clippers and nail files. He picks things off himself, he picks things off the floor, he picks at his skin and eyebrows, and cracks his knuckles.
I don't particularly like it. But I don't see no way to stop him.
Posted by sunnydays on August 10, 2009, at 20:56:56
In reply to Re: Grrrr. Bad T habits, posted by Dinah on August 10, 2009, at 19:44:10
No, and it would drive me nuts. I get distressed if he looks away, sometimes (although I haven't told him that because it doesn't bother me that much and I know it's irrational). He usually sits quietly, or sometimes he will ask me what I'm feeling or thinking, something helpful. I would imagine it's a nervous habit that she doesn't know she does. You should probably bring it up to her - tell her that you notice she fidgets when it's silent and that it distracts you. It's probably something she would work on stopping or curtailing if it bothers you.
sunnydays
Posted by olivepit on August 11, 2009, at 0:29:38
In reply to Grrrr. Bad T habits, posted by moonshadow on August 10, 2009, at 19:20:38
> Perhaps I shouldn't be as annoyed as I am. I have a new T/psychiatrist. She's psycho-dynamic, so there are times of silence in our sessions. She uses this silence to: pick at her cuticles. Bite her nails. Pick at the skin on her arm. Gather the lint off her skirt. It's very distracting to have this silence, then hear her gnawing on herself, or see her pick the lint off her clothes.
>That would be enough to make me not go back. That would drive me crazy!
Posted by seldomseen on August 11, 2009, at 2:06:10
In reply to Grrrr. Bad T habits, posted by moonshadow on August 10, 2009, at 19:20:38
My T is absolutely still during silences. Like dead still.
I think it is just as bad as the grooming.
Sometimes I just want to hold a mirror under his nose to see if he is breathing.
I can only imagine the kind of self-discipline it must take to be that quiet.
Nonetheless it drives me crazy.
Seldom.
Posted by annierose on August 11, 2009, at 7:45:53
In reply to Re: Grrrr. Bad T habits » moonshadow, posted by seldomseen on August 11, 2009, at 2:06:10
My therapist is also psychodynamic and there are periods of silence. She is 99% still during those times. She might uncross and recross her legs, but typically the room is held in anticipation.
I think you need to tell her that those habits are distracting. If you like this therapist and continue to see her, those habits will increasingly annoy you. Maybe once you have the conversation, she might not be able to stop a habit, but you might be able to accept this quirky part of her personality.
Maybe for the holidays, you could buy her a jumbo pack of lint brushes.
Posted by Moonshadow on August 11, 2009, at 8:03:25
In reply to Re: Grrrr. Bad T habits, posted by Dinah on August 10, 2009, at 19:44:10
> My therapist often indulges in self grooming habits. I used to think it was a sign of disrespect to me, but now I just think it's what he does. He even has a little kit that includes fingernail clippers and nail files. He picks things off himself, he picks things off the floor, he picks at his skin and eyebrows, and cracks his knuckles.
>
> I don't particularly like it. But I don't see no way to stop him.Wow- a grooming kit makes it seem so intentional. And they think we're crazy??
Posted by Moonshadow on August 11, 2009, at 8:06:46
In reply to Re: Grrrr. Bad T habits » moonshadow, posted by seldomseen on August 11, 2009, at 2:06:10
I wonder if all T's are destined to drive us crazy in one way or another. Except my old T because she was perfect (hindsight talking here, because I can't see her. )
Posted by Moonshadow on August 11, 2009, at 8:14:08
In reply to Re: Grrrr. Bad T habits, posted by annierose on August 11, 2009, at 7:45:53
Annierose, you just made me snort outloud about the lint brush. Perhaps fingernail clippers, too, or would that just encourage her...
Yeah, I think I need to get up the nerve to mention it. She'll probably try to turn it back to me in some psychobablish way. :p
Posted by Dinah on August 11, 2009, at 9:04:51
In reply to Re: Grrrr. Bad T habits » Dinah, posted by Moonshadow on August 11, 2009, at 8:03:25
Well, he doesn't do it during silences. I think that would bother me more, somehow.
I have talked to him about it, and it does seem to be something he can't stop.
The funniest time was when he had a bit of something on his shoe, rubbed at it, *licked* the finger he used to rub, then rubbed again. Long long after that day I told him how disturbing I found it that he had no trouble putting in his mouth something he found offensive on his shoe. He laughed and laughed and laughed and said that he probably had been focused on the task, and saw his finger and mouth as mere tools to achieve his goal.
Posted by ceres on August 23, 2009, at 4:01:33
In reply to Grrrr. Bad T habits, posted by moonshadow on August 10, 2009, at 19:20:38
Ugh!
No grooming in therapy. No grooming in work environments, except as applies in salons.
Can you imagine sitting across from a work client & behaving as such? Babooning.Even if I were confiding in a friend & she decided, in a moment of silence, to groom, I would be hurt. I'd think she wasn't that connected & was waiting for a break in the conversation to change course.
Early in a depression, I went to a therapist who sat at her desk facing me. Within a short while she turned away toward her desk & the loud clock on the wall. She began to pick at things & then to excavate her nose while checking the time.
I asked her a question, aimed at illuminating that she was not being present. She was startled.
I left. I imagine how many miserable people haven't left & how she's been able to continue callous & inappropriate behavior.
Posted by backseatdriver on August 25, 2009, at 16:26:41
In reply to Re: Grrrr. Bad T habits, posted by ceres on August 23, 2009, at 4:01:33
>Long long after that day I told him how
> disturbing I found it that he had no trouble putting
>in his mouth something he found offensive on his shoe.I laughed out loud, Dinah. Thanks for the funny!
-- bsd
Posted by blahblahblah on September 10, 2009, at 19:28:59
In reply to Re: Grrrr. Bad T habits, posted by backseatdriver on August 25, 2009, at 16:26:41
wow i am soo lucky with my T. the only thing that bothers me is when she is trying to find something back in my notes and won't stop looking until she finds it. even though i can tell her what she is looking for, she remains to flip through the paper. other than that. little things she does, sometimes picking lint of couch, rubbing her arm, those things. she's human. if she didn't do those things i would feel like i was talking to a robot. although...the shrink that turned and faced her desk. that is soooo wrong. i would have cracked the sh*ts.
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