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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Abby Cunningham on September 11, 2009, at 12:45:28
The other day I went to see my psychologist and the visit was going ok, but she said something that really bothered me. I was talking about how I hated shopping and I don't buy lots of clothes, etc. but that I was buying very expensive designer eyeglass frames and also top of the line prescription sunglasses.
She replied well you said you were vain -???? Never have I felt that way. I hate my physical appearance and always have. One of the worst things I struggled with when younger. I remember telling her that the only thing ONLY thing I liked about myself was that I was tall and slender.
Why did she interpret that to mean I am vain? I was a bit taken aback but next week I am going to set her straight.
I don't dress up when I go to see her. Otherwise we seem to get along alright but sometimes seems very superficial as though we just discuss my everyday life and problems.
Posted by Dinah on September 11, 2009, at 20:03:08
In reply to Therapist said I am 'vain'???, posted by Abby Cunningham on September 11, 2009, at 12:45:28
I'm not sure whether this would be better or worse, but is it possible that she's confusing something you said with something someone else said?
It was not all that long ago that my therapist told me he was fond of me. It was exactly the right thing to say to me, and I told him so only to discover that he had been teasing me, because he had confused me with a client who *hated* the term "fond". We were both embarrassed I think. But in the end he did some impressive verbal gymnastics and I was polite enough to accept what he said, and it turned out ok.
It does happen, and maybe it happened this time?
(My therapist would be congratulating you on taking care of yourself...)
Posted by annierose on September 11, 2009, at 22:51:08
In reply to Therapist said I am 'vain'???, posted by Abby Cunningham on September 11, 2009, at 12:45:28
>>>Otherwise we seem to get along alright but sometimes seems very superficial as though we just discuss my everyday life and problems.<<<
This sentence struck me. If you feel you are only talking about superficial topics, you need to bring some of your more hidden worries to light. Everyone encounters a light session here or there for different reasons. But if it's consistent, you need to start opening some different doors and talk about the harder stuff. Or ask your therapist "I wonder why we only get to my everyday problems." She can't read your mind and know what is really bothering you.
The vain comment is hard - and without knowing the context or how she said it - who knows what she was thinking. Sometimes when my therapist says something that I think is not called for, I will let her know immediately ... as in "That was harsh." Usually we can get back on track and clarify each persons point of view and though processes.
Posted by Dinah on September 12, 2009, at 10:01:37
In reply to Therapist said I am 'vain'???, posted by Abby Cunningham on September 11, 2009, at 12:45:28
I think Annierose has a very good point.
Posted by Phillipa on September 12, 2009, at 10:46:19
In reply to Re: Therapist said I am 'vain'??? » Abby Cunningham, posted by Dinah on September 12, 2009, at 10:01:37
Questions all the therapists I've ever seen and its quite a few wanted to concentrate on the here and now and work toward future goals and leave the past behind. Abby have missed you. Glad you got the Designer Frames. I also don't shop for me what for? I dont' go or do a thing that isn't casual. Other than that hope your're feeling well. Phillipa
Posted by 10derHeart on September 13, 2009, at 17:00:05
In reply to Therapist said I am 'vain'???, posted by Abby Cunningham on September 11, 2009, at 12:45:28
Well, maybe I am misreading the situation and/or your post, but I'm unsure I'm seeing where she definitely interpreted anything to mean you are vain. Maybe, but not definitely. Instead, she actually thinks you **said** you were vain (could you tell if she meant this session or in past meeting..?) Like Dinah said, it seems more like some sort of confusion or mis-remembering on her part. I hope you do set her straight! That would be my response, but I am direct to the point of being argumentative with my T. if I hear these sorts of things come out of his mouth (it's happened). I have too much anxiety to wait till the next time, usually.
If she did actually jump to that conclusion, as you've never said that about yourself, I guess that would be an interpretation. Sometimes I wonder if some therapists don't get that they too, can fall into doing that just like their clients can, i.e., hearing what's not there, but what they thought it "meant," and not simply asking us... Hmm.....me, I would have stopped right there and said, "Excuse me? When did I say I was vain? Today? Because I don't remember ever saying that." Well, maybe not *quite* so harshly, as we do have a warm and friendly relationship, but then again, I am really, really blunt...lol.
It would bother me, too. I can imagine it feels like she may not be "hearing" you in the sense you've talked about childhood issues with hating your physical appearance, so where the heck has she been? You might feel completely unheard and misunderstood, and wondering what else she's not hearing, or hearing the opposite of what you are sure you are saying. This stuff can really hurt.
I hope you ask her. I've had this happen, and usually my T. is misremembering (I hate that too, and have to tease him then about his age and/or any recent hearing test...not much else I can do to make him never do it again) but at least it's not as bad as her totally not understanding an important issue.
Let us know how it goes.
> The other day I went to see my psychologist and the visit was going ok, but she said something that really bothered me. I was talking about how I hated shopping and I don't buy lots of clothes, etc. but that I was buying very expensive designer eyeglass frames and also top of the line prescription sunglasses.
>
> She replied well you said you were vain -???? Never have I felt that way. I hate my physical appearance and always have. One of the worst things I struggled with when younger. I remember telling her that the only thing ONLY thing I liked about myself was that I was tall and slender.
>
> Why did she interpret that to mean I am vain? I was a bit taken aback but next week I am going to set her straight.
> I don't dress up when I go to see her. Otherwise we seem to get along alright but sometimes seems very superficial as though we just discuss my everyday life and problems.
>
This is the end of the thread.
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