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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by deerock on September 20, 2009, at 21:21:07
ive been working on keeping my word. not because im an outright liar, but because doing what i say is important.
i have a new roommate. the smell of her cooking bothers me. i let her know and said this may not work out, you may need to move out. we talked. i felt better after we talked. once we talked, i waited about 5 days. the smell really continued to bother me. i told her she needed to move out.
she agreed and we are working that situation out.she did point out however, that i went back on my word, i said the situation would be resolvable and 5 days later said i cannot stand the smell, you need to move out.
i feel badly because i did go back on my word. however, i am very sensitive to smells. i could not have tolerated it much longer. it was making the living environment aweful.
maybe what i should have done differently is not given my word that it would be resolvable. i should have just said lets see how things go, we will work on it.
i guess its a sign of how much i wanted things to be ok, that i gave my word that we would resolve it.
Posted by Dinah on September 23, 2009, at 7:34:35
In reply to keeping ones word, posted by deerock on September 20, 2009, at 21:21:07
Well, maybe see this as a learning experience? That in the future you can say you'll make ever effort to work something out rather than phrase it as an assurance? I remember that's what my therapist used to do, and in some cases still does.
I imagine that's a tough thing to screen for in interviewing roommates. Smell touches so many areas. It's not like asking for a nonsmoker. Perfumes and even cooking, as you discovered, can be an issue.
Maybe you and your therapist could work together to come up with some way of screening for that, so that potential roommates know that's a problem up front and may choose not to move in?
Posted by Nadezda on September 23, 2009, at 15:23:54
In reply to keeping ones word, posted by deerock on September 20, 2009, at 21:21:07
Deerock, what you did to resolve the issue.? Maybe you left out the steps you and she took, but talking about a small in itself won't make it better. Did you and she try to figure out what she was cooking that bothered you? Was she willing to cook other things if there was one thing? If the smell still bothered you, maybe you didn't figure out what the cause was and could have tried further to eliminate it.
A smell can be disturbing, but I would hope you gave her some warning that the issue hadn't been resolved before just saying that she had to move. Also you might want to set up some expectations, because I think I would be quite upset at having that sort of sudden need to move again right after I moved into an apartment. If I knew before moving in that you're sensitive to certain things, and that it might pose a problem of that sort, at least I wouldn't feel so upended if things didn't work out. ' It's great, though, that she was so accommodating and that everything seems to have worked out okay.
Nadezda
Posted by deerock on September 23, 2009, at 15:33:03
In reply to Re: keeping ones word, posted by Nadezda on September 23, 2009, at 15:23:54
i had no idea asian cooking would bother me. i eat asian food all the time. we did identify certain sauces that were being used but after eliminating them, the smell persists. the smell comes from the persons room too, not just the kitchen. i think this is just an unfortunate situation. i have offered to pay their moving expenses and they will be moving out. the bottom line is that i should not have said this will work out, i should have said lets work on it.
it went like this- i noticed the smell. i asked the person to help me figure out how to work on it. we ran fans and opened windows. that did not help. we identified the sauce. that did not help. i said this may not work out you may need to move. we tried to cook on a different schedule. that also did not work. finally i said sorry, this is not working out, you need to move.
i knew i was sensitive to smells but i had no idea that someone's cooking would have this impact on me.
Posted by deerock on September 23, 2009, at 15:34:23
In reply to Re: keeping ones word » deerock, posted by Dinah on September 23, 2009, at 7:34:35
its a good idea, to see it as a learning experience. i usually screen for personality only. this person is a nice person. i didnt have any idea a smell would impact me so strongly.
now i know. ill talk to the therapist about this once we get past the facebook issue. lol.
thanks dinah. i appreciate your input as alwways. hope you are well.
This is the end of the thread.
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