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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Verloren on January 11, 2010, at 17:01:40
My moods have been down lately so please forgive the numerous postings. I just need to reach out to you guys.
I was happy once. Im sure of it. Despite my fragmented memory and suppression practices, I have glimmers of moments when life was carefree. What happened??!?!?
I think the therapy has surfaced more memories than I can deal with right now, but Im not left with a choice. I cant put the memories back in my swiss cheese holes, or unfeel the pain anymore than a chef can uncook an egg.
I am sick to my stomach lately and although I am generously full of humor and charm, the despair and agitation of my life seems to be vigorously sweeping over me. I tend to be one of those instant gratification people. I impulse buy, eat what I want in abundance, and get upset when things dont go my way. Essentially, Im a five year old. And I want to feel better RIGHT now. Happiness: I want to beg for it, buy it, borrow it, even steal it if it meant I could have it.
I almost feel like I was making it ok before the therapy and now I wonder if Ill actually make it out of this better than before I went in. And how long? How long will be miserable?
I dont want to live like this. I dont want to die like this either. Im stuck. Im wallowing. Every moment alone threatens to send me into tears. Im struggling and I just want to understand and know happiness. Everyday I feel like Im 2 halves at war with each other. The Rational half vs the Emotional half. I KNOW I must get through this period, but I FEEL like it will never end.
Im barely crawling my way to comfortable, Im nowhere near happy now.
-Verloren
Posted by Sigismund on January 11, 2010, at 17:38:39
In reply to I used to think I was happy (trigger), posted by Verloren on January 11, 2010, at 17:01:40
>I wonder if Ill actually make it out of this better than before I went in. And how long? How long will be miserable?
I'm not sure I'm the right person to be handling this question. I did 14 years of therapy 5 days a week. I consider myself a very unhappy person, but then I would. I'm happiest when I am amusing myself and when people don't get offended by me.
I wonder if our thinking is all wrong...that we would feel better if we stopped looking inside (yes, no?). I don't think therapy is supposed to make you happy.
(What is it supposed to do? I should know. There's probably some answer around I would object to.)You know, I think the atomisation of this society and the assumptions of it, when things go wrong propel us to look inside and I don't know how much comfort there is there. A lot of people, I think, need adventures, something outside to engage with, rather than trying to figure out what is wrong with them or their thinking, but then again, you didn't say you were bored, you said you were despairing and agitated.
Posted by Verloren on January 11, 2010, at 17:55:55
In reply to Re: I used to think I was happy (trigger) » Verloren, posted by Sigismund on January 11, 2010, at 17:38:39
>
>A lot of people, I think, need adventures, something outside to engage with, rather than trying to figure out what is wrong with them or their thinking, but then again, you didn't say you were bored, you said you were despairing and agitated.
>
SigiI wish I was bored. It's exactly the opposite, in fact. My social calendar is full and keeps filling up each week. I'm broke, perhaps that has deepened my despair too. But I feel like I have to keep moving and doing things AROUND PEOPLE. If I am alone, too long, it scares me. I'm not necessarily enjoying these outings, but they do get me away from my bed which is what my T wanted. (and of course I'll do what she wants)
It's no wonder, though, that we would look inside for the answers to happiness. We are told as soon as we are able to comprehend it, that inner happiness is important above all else. External issues and society's impact have little bearings on our lives if only we would attain that precious, elusive inner happiness.
I think therapy is supposed to help us realize that we should reach for inner happiness, and therefore the ideal end result would be happiness.
But, I don't see it. Not yet anyway. I'm too clouded.
-Verloren
Posted by Sigismund on January 11, 2010, at 19:08:58
In reply to Re: I used to think I was happy (trigger) » Sigismund, posted by Verloren on January 11, 2010, at 17:55:55
On the way back from the physio I thought...
The desperate search for happiness is the continuation of unhappiness.
Cultivate watchfulness, especially for willfulness.I hate to say it (it sounds so superior, I've made a profession of being miserable), but I find inner happiness (the one with no people) dead (so to speak) easy.
The blue of the sky, the unfolding moment, the mystery..... people though, people suck, people disturb me, they act in unreliable ways and will not conform to my wishes.Social calendar full? Don't like to be alone? I'll have to have a think.
Posted by Sigismund on January 11, 2010, at 19:32:13
In reply to Re: I used to think I was happy (trigger) » Verloren, posted by Sigismund on January 11, 2010, at 19:08:58
On the subject of people not conforming to my wishes there is this book I have not read....
"How To Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less"
NLP? Oh Goodness.
Posted by Roslynn on January 12, 2010, at 17:18:46
In reply to I used to think I was happy (trigger), posted by Verloren on January 11, 2010, at 17:01:40
Hi Verloren,
I know therapy can dig up some painful stuff. I also wonder if therapy makes us examine ourselves so much that we get super caught up in our thoughts, reactions etc. and it becomes kind of a cycle. I don't know, though, maybe it's the illness/depression that does that?
But I have felt what you're feeling right now. I hope you are doing OK.
Hugs,
Roslynn> My moods have been down lately so please forgive the numerous postings. I just need to reach out to you guys.
>
> I was happy once. Im sure of it. Despite my fragmented memory and suppression practices, I have glimmers of moments when life was carefree. What happened??!?!?
>
> I think the therapy has surfaced more memories than I can deal with right now, but Im not left with a choice. I cant put the memories back in my swiss cheese holes, or unfeel the pain anymore than a chef can uncook an egg.
>
> I am sick to my stomach lately and although I am generously full of humor and charm, the despair and agitation of my life seems to be vigorously sweeping over me. I tend to be one of those instant gratification people. I impulse buy, eat what I want in abundance, and get upset when things dont go my way. Essentially, Im a five year old. And I want to feel better RIGHT now. Happiness: I want to beg for it, buy it, borrow it, even steal it if it meant I could have it.
>
> I almost feel like I was making it ok before the therapy and now I wonder if Ill actually make it out of this better than before I went in. And how long? How long will be miserable?
>
> I dont want to live like this. I dont want to die like this either. Im stuck. Im wallowing. Every moment alone threatens to send me into tears. Im struggling and I just want to understand and know happiness. Everyday I feel like Im 2 halves at war with each other. The Rational half vs the Emotional half. I KNOW I must get through this period, but I FEEL like it will never end.
>
> Im barely crawling my way to comfortable, Im nowhere near happy now.
>
> -Verloren
>
Posted by Verloren on January 13, 2010, at 23:03:10
In reply to Re: I used to think I was happy (trigger), posted by Roslynn on January 12, 2010, at 17:18:46
Thank you Roslynn.
take care,
-Verloren
Posted by Verloren on January 13, 2010, at 23:04:39
In reply to Re: I used to think I was happy (trigger), posted by Sigismund on January 11, 2010, at 19:32:13
Thanks for the link sigi. Very interesting.
Take care,
-Verloren
This is the end of the thread.
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