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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by malepatient on January 12, 2010, at 21:16:37
Well maybe not love but surely sort of infatuation, crush? The first time I met my current therapist I was smitten. I have seen other therapists over the years and never had this type of reaction. She is about my age and extremely attractive (at least to me). We seem to have this connect from day one and I have been able to spill my guts and tell her all my darkest secrets. Not so with the other therapists.
However, I found myself getting closer and closer to her. I started getting separation anxiety, fantasizing about her, getting that "feeling". I would love to have her hug me or hold me. I put my hand on her back when leaving the other day but later apologized for being inappropriate.
I finally told her how I felt and she has handled it well and we are going to discuss it more. However, my fear is that by revealing my feelings it will change the "dynamics" of the relationship which I do not want. I fear she will start holding things back to "cool" me down. I do not want to screw this up. She is the best therapist I have ever had. I think I can get through this. Any suggestions to not screw up this patient doctor relationship?
Posted by emmanuel98 on January 12, 2010, at 22:53:03
In reply to Yes, I also am in love with my therapist, posted by malepatient on January 12, 2010, at 21:16:37
If she is skilled in working with transference (and not all T's are), talking about this should prove very helpful. She won't judge you or reject you. This happens all the time in therapy. I was so in love with my T, I would cry at the end of sessions and tell him I loved him. He said he knew what I meant and understood how I felt. He also always told me though, that this relationship (his office, therapy) was the only relationship we would ever have. Which I hated to hear. I hated his boundaries. But now, after five years, we are ending therapy and I am grateful for his boundaries. He didn't play games with me or confuse me. He was direct and consistent and I have come to realize that I can live life without him.
If you're lucky, your T will be equally skilled.
Posted by Deneb on January 13, 2010, at 1:41:11
In reply to Yes, I also am in love with my therapist, posted by malepatient on January 12, 2010, at 21:16:37
Hello malepatient!
Welcome to Psycho-Babble! Transference is very common-place. Most therapists should understand it. I hope you can talk to her about it. I'm glad it's working out for you!
Deneb
Posted by Dinah on January 13, 2010, at 8:39:40
In reply to Yes, I also am in love with my therapist, posted by malepatient on January 12, 2010, at 21:16:37
I think it's great that you trusted her enough to tell her. And it sounds as if this trust was well placed.
If your therapist handled it well, then I think as long as you are doing what you are doing, your therapy should be able to continue without any significant change of tone. You're talking about it, rather than acting on it, and you're being respectful of the boundaries. Because of the nature of therapy, I think feelings of one sort or another often arise. That level of connection and that level of intimacy and self disclosure doesn't usually happen outside of a personal and intimate relationship. It's bound to be confusing.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on January 13, 2010, at 9:02:37
In reply to Re: Yes, I also am in love with my therapist » malepatient, posted by Dinah on January 13, 2010, at 8:39:40
I fell in love with my therapist 6 years ago; after a year I told him.
I read something I concur with: "The only place we call love by another name.....is in the therapy room."
My t and are are so much alike. If I had met him somewhere else I would have been attracted to him.
Sassy
Posted by malepatient on January 13, 2010, at 12:15:11
In reply to Yes, I also am in love with my therapist, posted by malepatient on January 12, 2010, at 21:16:37
Thanks everyone so far for your support and encouragement. These past few days have been the roughest since I confronted my T how I felt about her. Lots of anxiety and fear right now. Not sure what that is about. Probably a lot of confused and mixed feelings surfacing from this right now.
Posted by rnny on January 14, 2010, at 12:26:58
In reply to Yes, I also am in love with my therapist, posted by malepatient on January 12, 2010, at 21:16:37
If it is anything like it was for me when I developed the same feelings you describe for a male therapist leading a group therapy I was in, revealing my feelings did not change the way he acted at all.
This is the end of the thread.
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