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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by brokenpuppet on May 29, 2010, at 7:15:29
My T said something nice to me, a few nice things actually... But I can't accept them, can't believe them... A part of me is just STUBBORNLY refusing to believe that she might have actually meant it, I CANT I CANT I CANT. I've been in agony over this today. Some days I can accept / or almost accept, or I think that I can accept that MAYBE she meant it / maybe she cares but I CAN'T accept any CERTAINTY that she does. Its just too much for me... too much. Exhausted.
Posted by Dinah on May 29, 2010, at 8:57:31
In reply to I can't accept nice things, posted by brokenpuppet on May 29, 2010, at 7:15:29
Certainty is hard. I don't think it can be forced.
I think I've settled for "I think maybe he actually does care about me." Or "I can almost accept that he cares about me." Then there will be times like yesterday when he doesn't return a call even though I asked him to, and I think "Hmmm... He says he cares, and in session he feels like he cares, but maybe he doesn't care." I think there's always a part of me who twists things around when he isn't in front of me and whispers "He doesn't care at all."
For me the problems lay more in the certainty that he didn't care. I haven't felt that in a while.
Would it be possible just to accept and enjoy the thought "Maybe she actually does like me!" without having to force certainty on yourself? Certainty is nice, but it can be fleeting in the best of circumstances.
Posted by brokenpuppet on May 30, 2010, at 5:08:21
In reply to Re: I can't accept nice things » brokenpuppet, posted by Dinah on May 29, 2010, at 8:57:31
Thank you, Dinah.
I'm normally ok with the maybe, in fact the MAYBE is on the good days. I also have days when I'm sure that she doesn't care (its her job so she has to be nice)... the same goes for other people in my life.I think what she said just got to me, because NO-ONE has EVER said that to me before and it just really freaked me out.
"I'm not going anywhere, I'll be here..." about me coming back (I am leaving / taking a break from therapy and she was talking about me coming back when I need to)I'm glad that you've moved past the certainty that he doesn't care. But maybe I'll just stick with the maybe for now...
Posted by emmanuel98 on May 30, 2010, at 20:32:32
In reply to Re: I can't accept nice things, posted by brokenpuppet on May 30, 2010, at 5:08:21
My therapist always said that he cared a lot about me. He said, I see you for an hour a week, which is more than I see most friends. I said you don't really care about me. You wouldn't see me if you didn't get paid and he told me he would still see me if I lost my insurance and would pay him whatever I could afford -- maybe as little as $10/week. I had been very depressed and suicidal and hospitalized and everyone who talked to him, including my husband and daughter, said, he really cares about you. He thinks very highly of you. So I came to believe this.
Now I am in a situation where I stopped seeing him regularly and am getting depressed again. I feel very sad not to have him in my life, since I came to beleive that he really cared very deeply about me.
Posted by allisonfly on May 31, 2010, at 7:31:35
In reply to I can't accept nice things, posted by brokenpuppet on May 29, 2010, at 7:15:29
I know you and Dinah were talking about the certainty issue. I agree that it is very hard to be in therapy week to week--something good happens one week and you think all is great, something happens the next week to make you feel less important in your therapist's eyes...but I do believe that when it comes down to it, most therapists really do genuinely care about their clients (money or not, as emmanuel says) and want to see them healthy, want to know that they can come back if they need to. I hope brokenpuppet that in the past few days you have come to some peace with the good things that your therapist said. I think it is part of these disorders that we all have trouble accepting compliments or accepting the good things about ourselves and our relationships. Perhaps it is good practice to have to struggle with accepting the good things our Ts say?
Hang in there! ((brokenpuppet))
Posted by brokenpuppet on May 31, 2010, at 17:44:32
In reply to Re: I can't accept nice things, posted by allisonfly on May 31, 2010, at 7:31:35
Thank you allisonfly, its very nice to see that other people understand what I'm going through. In my 'normal' life, I tend to pretend that I'm fine and don't talk about these issues with other people, so it's a huge relief to see that here people understand :)
I agree, it's good I have this struggle, it actually means I'm making progress / working on it. If there was no struggle it meant I wasn't trying to challenge my beliefs.
Posted by brokenpuppet on May 31, 2010, at 17:55:41
In reply to Re: I can't accept nice things, posted by emmanuel98 on May 30, 2010, at 20:32:32
Hi emmanuel98, it's nice to see that you were able to believe that your therapist really cared about you, but I can see that it also makes it so much more painful now that you don't see him regularly.
I don't know what to say to that, because that's what I'm afraid of, that if I believe that she really cares, it will be even harder not to have her in my life.
Maybe if you concentrate on the fact that he 'really cares' as opposed to 'cared', it's not past tense...!? I don't know...
I hope it gets easier...
This is the end of the thread.
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