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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by violette on June 26, 2010, at 1:26:54
I don't remember ever feeling this inner peace before....I just want to bask in my post-therapy bliss...it's the only time lately I don't feel any guilt about not doing what I'm 'supposed' to be doing...and let myself just enjoy it.
Following an intense session a few weeks ago, I expressed my desire for physical contact with T. He said two adults engaged in physical contact turns sexual. So it was a helpful way to say no. At the end of that that session, something just clicked in my brain and I felt blissful..Since then I also noticed that after session, this feeling is staying with me longer than the first time.
It seems I'm starting to internalize Ts caring, love, acceptance, and positive regard he continuously offers to me; reinforcing it over and over in both direct and subtle ways.
I really like how David Wallin explains the process:http://www.davidjwallin.com/PDF/DavidWallin/AttachmentInPsychotherapy.pdf
Maybe I will start a routine after therapy each week-listen to music, take a long bath with candles, pamper myself...allow myself to read a book. Start caring for myself the way T cares for me.
I feel so content and at peace with myself. I want to share these feelings with him next week.
This is absolutely beautiful.
Posted by Dinah on June 28, 2010, at 9:19:45
In reply to Therapy Bliss, posted by violette on June 26, 2010, at 1:26:54
That sounds wonderful, Violette. Your internalizing of his positive view sounds very healthy and hopeful.
I had one of those incredible sessions recently. Because of what happened in that session, a relatively quick shift of my perspective occurred. I reached an intense state of peace. And while I can't say that that state stuck around indefinitely, I do think that the experience changed me for the better with a shift towards feeling gratitude towards what I've been given. Maybe one day that will lead to a lessening of the fear of loss, maybe not.
I hope that your bliss lasts, and that if it settles down into a more ordinary state of mind, that you are left with a shift of perspective on your value.
Posted by violette on June 28, 2010, at 11:24:53
In reply to Re: Therapy Bliss » violette, posted by Dinah on June 28, 2010, at 9:19:45
Dinah-
You are such a gem :) Thanks for writing to me. Therapy bliss changed to therapy horror. lol The contentness did not last as long this time as I had hoped...
It all comes from fear. The whole situation really activated my attachment system and I have been acting out with anxiety/OCD. When I stopped intellectualizing to avoid the fear last night, it got to the point where the ceiling fan (it has 4 blades) over my bed became a monster-waiting until I fell asleep to 'get me'. I thought of covering it with a blanket but then had thoughts of it hiding to get me, which was worse. Then I thought I'd move the blades, but then it would have been the shape of a cross-and thinking of those with psychotic reactions and religion..well you get the point. Oh dear...but it passed.
However, it will serve very useful in working through, like every time I get intense feelings. It's amazing how it all works, as painful and scary as it can be sometimes....But after every bit of pain, I feel a bit of relief of inner tension that seems to have been in my body for most of my life...I just wish I could be in session more than once a week because it takes so long this way, and with this intensity, twice weekly seems to make more sense-but it is not possible right now.
It is so nice to hear you have felt the inner peace too. Isn't it incredible?
I just wish I would quit acting out the anxiety/fears....I can't concentrate to read a book and spent a lot of time painting and working around my house this weekend-I got a lot done, but am repeatedly distracted and cling to intellectualizing to escape anxiety. I just can't stick with tasks. I've had anxiety much of my life, but it has changed from mere intellectualizing to doing it obsessively...I act it out when I write here, for one. I have a lot of outside/life stressors right now, so I have just decided to accept this behavior for now and when those non-emotional issues, but stress enhancers, are eliminated, it will be easier. I decided to not feel guilty about the acting out; instead, yesterday I just decided to allow myself to continue, for now, but it is frustrating either way.
Despite the fears, I feel like every since our attachment intensified, when the love feelings grew, I have not had negative thoughts about myself..(aside from the fear of having a breakdown which reflects anxiety/fears rather than core self issues). It's really having a positive impact on my longstanding, but previously hidden (though not completely from my awareness) negative self-worth issues that were reinforced both overtly and covertly by my parents over and over since I was just a small child. Do you find this to be true for you too, the positive self worth transfering from T to you?
Sometimes I start to think I'm not internalizing Ts love and that instead, its dependency issues. I haven't talked in depth with him yet about the feelings, but this is the first thing I'm going to bring up to him next session. I don't know if we'll figure it out from just one session, but I'm hoping it happens that way.So nice to hear from someone who can relate to the inner peace and beauty...but also, unfortunately the fears :(
Posted by Dinah on June 28, 2010, at 13:09:06
In reply to Re: Therapy Bliss » Dinah, posted by violette on June 28, 2010, at 11:24:53
Have you tried any of the DBT exercises in observing those intense fears? I find it helps me to step back a bit and put a slight barrier between me and the fears.
In other words, there's no point in trying to avoid thinking the ceiling fan is frightening. But there's a subtle difference between thinking "The ceiling fan is really scary" and "I am having the feeling that the ceiling fan is really scary" and acknowledging the physical symptoms of fear. It's not really avoiding the feelings, it's accepting the feelings while providing a bit of ego distance.
At any rate, I've found it a helpful idea.
Posted by violette on June 28, 2010, at 14:35:38
In reply to Re: Therapy Bliss, posted by Dinah on June 28, 2010, at 13:09:06
Hey Dinah -
I'm not really into the DBT stuff, but am open to checking into it. Do you have a good link/website source? I heard of the books available, but don't want to buy one w/o learning more about it first.
Actually, the scary ceiling fan, issues like that are not as bothersome as the OCD type of anxiety. I've had anxiety in various forms most of my life, but this type of anxiety only started with therapy, seemingly a result of my attachment issues. Previously, my anxiety was very GAD with full-blown panic attacks from time to time, though it has felt differently at different time periods over the years.
It's difficult since its a newer symptom. I've always had the intellectualization coping mechanisms, but not combined with anxiety--until a T activated my attachment issues. This did not happen with romantic relationships; I think the lack of physical contact, of course in addition to the transference, forces your emotions more to the surface ss opposed to dating relationships. Not sure...
I've coping with my to do list ok lately. It just gets worse in the evenings when I try to sleep...yeah, I'd appreciate if you had a web link to share about the DBT aspect you mentioned.
Thanks again :)
Posted by Dinah on June 28, 2010, at 22:39:53
In reply to Re: Therapy Bliss » Dinah, posted by violette on June 28, 2010, at 14:35:38
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFYGEbDzjnM&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoLKQLvGylQ
These might explain some.
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