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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by deerock on June 30, 2010, at 10:13:57
maybe this isnt even lying. it feels like lying.
i asked her a few years ago to put in writing her treatment plan. specifically how much time she felt it may take.
she wrote some years. nice and vague which is, i think, all she can really do. nobody can predict that.
when i confronted her saying its been 4 years and i see many more years of work left and why did she say some years when in fact she should have had several her response was that she did not want to scare me.
that to me is the same as an admission to lying. or is it not lying since it was in my best interest?
or can some mean several?
or do i need to find better things to do with my time than posing this question to this board?
i believe i know the answer to all those questions.
no, yes, yes. in that order.
Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2010, at 13:38:32
In reply to if T lies to you in your interest, is it lying?, posted by deerock on June 30, 2010, at 10:13:57
I wouldn't have cared overmuch for that reply. I'd have preferred that she cavil over the length of "some years" or say that when she said years, she didn't really know how many years.
My therapist certainly had no earthly idea that it would take me so long to change. I apparently am on the molasses side of the speed of change spectrum.
I think it's fair for you to ask her not to actually lie not to scare you. She can always evade answering like my therapist does. :)
Posted by deerock on June 30, 2010, at 14:10:55
In reply to Re: if T lies to you in your interest, is it lying?, posted by Dinah on June 30, 2010, at 13:38:32
hi dinah. thanks. how do you know youre on the slow side of change? im serious here. most people dont change. so if you change slowly does that mean you change slower than others? who changes quickly anyways?
im just curious how you came to that conclusion.
i agree. i will tell her to play dumb like she often does instead of lying to me. thats fair.
Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2010, at 14:51:30
In reply to Re: if T lies to you in your interest, is it lying? » Dinah, posted by deerock on June 30, 2010, at 14:10:55
My therapist and I have discussed it.
He's admitted that he would get frustrated at the beginning of therapy because I resisted change. It wasn't until he stopped trying to get me to change that I started to change. And then slowly. Very very slowly.
I suppose some would say I was unmotivated to change. I think I'd say that I can't be taught the stuff of therapy didactically. I have to be shown and change how I think about things through experience.
Posted by deerock on June 30, 2010, at 14:55:40
In reply to Re: if T lies to you in your interest, is it lying?, posted by Dinah on June 30, 2010, at 14:51:30
can you give me an example? im trying to understand better here.
how does your T show you how to change?
what happens in the therapy that makes you have a change?im just curious about this because i feel that all my changing happens outside of therapy and therapy is a place to get me to see some things that need to change. or at least see things that im thinking that arent helpful.
look, i dont know what your T said to make you think youre slow to change. i work in a prison. youre not slow to change believe me. most people dont change. so if youre changing at all i dont see how someone can say youre changing slowly and youre hard to get to make changes. thats just silly. if the T was frustrted thats one thing. but thats not your fault.
i know you didnt bring this up for comment and maybe im going off for no reason but this is what i was thinking when i read your response.
Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2010, at 16:04:12
In reply to Re: if T lies to you in your interest, is it lying? » Dinah, posted by deerock on June 30, 2010, at 14:55:40
It wasn't anything that hurt me. In fact, I brought it up, and he just agreed. We had been talking about how therapists present themselves in ads. A therapist who had advertised that he liked to work with clients who are motivated to change. I laughed and said that he, my therapist, might have written the same thing when we first started and that he was probably very frustrated with me. He acknowledged that he was at times, until he realized that as long as he pushed me to change I would resist. He's often told me that I've helped him grow as a therapist from what he's learned in treating me.
I often say that therapy works on me like water on rock. As I bring in things from my real life, or as we work through things in the therapeutic relationship, we have conversations. My therapist never is very directive, but in talking about things.... Hmmmm... I'd say he brings out healthier ways to view things, but my therapist is way too smart to point out "healthier" ways of viewing things. :) He more mentions alternatives, and backs off immediately if I argue. Over time, as we discuss a variety of incidents, I see patterns emerge. I remember things he's said in the past, and see them apply to new situations. I grow to change my views and my ways of thinking. Over time. Slowly.
Posted by brokenpuppet on July 1, 2010, at 1:47:47
In reply to Re: if T lies to you in your interest, is it lying? » Dinah, posted by deerock on June 30, 2010, at 14:55:40
hi, i thought i'll add to the 'change' dialogue...
i've found my 'changes' to be quite elusive and really hard to quantify and I don't even know how they happened. sometimes i feel like i'm exaclty the same, i still have the same issues that come up again and again and it's very hard to think back and realize that maybe I'm coping slightly better now - because there are times when I'm probably not.
what i did notice was that i was able to do things that i never even dreamed i would do, specific things in my personal life rather than perceived changes in my thoughts/ confidence / personality.. for example: i've done much better at work, my relationship is much better than the previous one (don't know if i can take much credit for this one though), i'm able to stand up to my parents more / make better decisions for myself ... it seems like all the little changes have crept up on me and made me do all those things and I don't even know if I can say how... I mean it still felt as hard, nothing is easy.
so anyway, here i go bragging on about it ;) actually, i'm trying to stay positive now as i've had my last session with my T (i'll see her again in 9 months) and i know that i'll probably fall apart soon and... hopefully cry, which i haven't been able to do yet.
so again, on a positive note, i think the changes happened very slowly, little by little, but they did happen! maybe the thing that helped me was that for a while i gave up trying to measure my self and my progress and just went with the flow.
Posted by deerock on July 1, 2010, at 8:21:23
In reply to Re: if T lies to you in your interest, is it lying? » deerock, posted by Dinah on June 30, 2010, at 16:04:12
that makes sense to me. im glad your change. slow or not. thanks dinah. i appreciate your candor.
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