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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 2, 2011, at 15:43:57
Some of you may remember my financial angst from years ago, and now I have had to only see my t once or 2 times a month and i can't really afford that.
He agreed to let me pay a little less, but I said I would repay him at a later date and he agreed.
Unbeknowst to him, I have a friend (stranger to my t) who e-mailed him that she needed to see him but couldn't afford his full fee. He agreed to see her for x amount and didn't ask that she pay him back.
That he would take a stranger and not ask for repayment, but after seeing me for 7 years, didn't say that I wouldn't have to pay him back, felt like such a betrayal.
It feels like he would treat a stranger better than me.
I don't want to tell him I know this of course, cause he would think I put her up to that (I did; but I wanted to see how he would handle someone else in a financial crunch.)
I am alone for the past 7 years, and going to be 65 years old...after a 31 year abusive marriage, and he knows that being alone is right next to death...for me.
I feel angry, hurt and resentful, and do not want to feel this way about him.
I know I should discuss it, but (and I am a writer, author, LOL), not sure how to broach the subject, etc.
Love your thoughts, ideas.
Hugs, Sassy
t
Posted by Solstice on September 2, 2011, at 16:26:26
In reply to HELP/What do You Think of This?! Betrayal I Feel, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 2, 2011, at 15:43:57
>
> He agreed to let me pay a little less, but I said I would repay him at a later date and he agreed.
>
Sassy -He can't read your mind. It sounds like it wasn't him who brought up repayment - it was you. Isn't it possible that he 'agreed' - not so much because he expects it to be repaid, but because it seemed important to You that it be repaid? Maybe he thought your self-concept would take a hit if he offered charity (by refusing to let you repay), and he was just agreeing with you doing what was important to you.
So maybe you don't have to feel betrayed :-)
Solstice
Posted by Dinah on September 2, 2011, at 17:14:04
In reply to HELP/What do You Think of This?! Betrayal I Feel, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 2, 2011, at 15:43:57
I'm confused. Will this person be doing therapy with your therapist? Was she interested in doing therapy with your therapist?
You were the one who proposed the terms for your continued therapy, weren't you? Did you try proposing the same terms your friend offer, and did he reject that?
If I understand correctly, I don't see any proof that he betrayed you in any way. I can understand your reluctance with bringing it up though. My therapist probably would understand my testing him, but I doubt he'd be pleased. I wouldn't be eager for that conversation at all.
I think we all want to feel special to our therapists. And to feel that they really do want to see us, even without a large financial incentive. It is perhaps best, in a practical sense, not to test this too directly. One thing I've sensed, from what you've said over the years, is that you aren't going to get your needs met by him in the way you'd like. To look for him to care in the way you'd like him to care is to probably continue to subject yourself to pain.
Maybe it would be best to redouble your efforts to find love and caring outside a professional relationship.
Posted by emmanuel98 on September 2, 2011, at 20:44:25
In reply to Re: HELP/What do You Think of This?! Betrayal I Feel » sassyfrancesca, posted by Dinah on September 2, 2011, at 17:14:04
I saw my p-doc yesterday. I had had a very upsetting visit with my daughter and we talked at length about that. When our time was up, we made another appointment. Before I left, he said, can you give me the co=pay. I had forgoten. I almost never forget and am embarassed when I do, because he never forgets.
this is his job and his due.
Posted by sigismund on September 2, 2011, at 22:28:24
In reply to HELP/What do You Think of This?! Betrayal I Feel, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 2, 2011, at 15:43:57
It depends.
Part of me would want to let him know I put my friend up to it, say I was very hurt, but my love for him was so strong I would bear it for his sake.
Ahem, well, maybe. It would amuse me. And almost be true, perhaps, if I were in your shoes, or even mine.
Posted by sigismund on September 2, 2011, at 22:29:55
In reply to Re: HELP/What do You Think of This?! Betrayal I Feel, posted by sigismund on September 2, 2011, at 22:28:24
It's really nothing more than grade 10 King Lear....love and the exchange of charity as the balm that heals all wounds.
This is the end of the thread.
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