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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Christ_empowered on November 29, 2011, at 18:13:58
I mean, just maybe? I've always felt the need to reject the diagnosis, made by one doc when I was 19 and another when I was 20, almost 21. I've felt that it couldn't possibly be true, that I was just immature and stupid and on too many Rx uppers.
My diagnosis is now Bipolar I w/Psychotic Features, unless its been changed to something more severe without my knowledge. I don't meet the criteria for narcissism anymore, that's for sure. I'm celibate, I don't exploit people, I don't crave fame or superiority or perfect love or high-status (or friends with high status). I just...exist. And I'm with vocational rehab, so soon I won't even be living off my (wonderful) parents anymore. In fact, I don't even get that weird, dysphoric ennui that I used to suffer from.
No drug abuse. No desire for benzodiazepines or stimulants, except when I'm hearing voices--then I'd kill for some Klonopin. I get along well with others, even mental health professionals (used to be a big problem...), but I don't think I'm particularly docile, although the Abilify and Lamictal have calmed down my psychosis a good bit.
So...was it a bad diagnosis, made by some homophobic, decidedly unprofessional doctors, or...was I narcissistic? And did my psychosis destroy my narcissism?
Posted by raisinb on November 29, 2011, at 18:24:10
In reply to What if I recovered from narcissism?, posted by Christ_empowered on November 29, 2011, at 18:13:58
You know, I have a theory about personality disorders. I think they are transient and situational just as often as they are permanent. I suspect it's a mistake to diagnose them as always permanent.
I was dx'ed with bpd in my twenties and the criteria may have fit then, but I don't think they do now.
Posted by Solstice on November 29, 2011, at 22:04:18
In reply to What if I recovered from narcissism?, posted by Christ_empowered on November 29, 2011, at 18:13:58
> I mean, just maybe? I've always felt the need to reject the diagnosis, made by one doc when I was 19 and another when I was 20, almost 21. I've felt that it couldn't possibly be true, that I was just immature and stupid and on too many Rx uppers.
> So...was it a bad diagnosis, made by some homophobic, decidedly unprofessional doctors, or...was I narcissistic? And did my psychosis destroy my narcissism?
You were a teenager for cryin' out loud! Aren't *all* teenagers narcissistic??
For several years I've been reading your posts, CE - there has not been a single moment that you have *ever* struck me as having any narcissistic traits. At all. A narcissist would not express the humility and gratitude you express regarding your parents' help. A narcissist would not be concerned, like you are, about the effect they have on others. A narcissist would not express the self-doubt that you express at times. I've never heard you have an arrogant tone. I don't think you should spend a second of your time wondering if there's any validity to that diagnosis. Whoever made it, was jumping the gun.
Solstice
Posted by Christ_empowered on November 30, 2011, at 7:55:10
In reply to Re: What if I recovered from narcissism? » Christ_empowered, posted by Solstice on November 29, 2011, at 22:04:18
Hey, Solstice.
I don't think you'll ever quite know how helpful your input was to me. I think part of the problem is that some "mental health professionals" saw fit to break confidentiality, so my diagnosis was talk of the town for a good 2 years. Imagine, if you will, being in a bar or at work and hearing people talk about your "narcissism." I wasn't hallucinating, either.
So thank you. I guess now its just a matter of recognizing that mental health "professionals" aren't always that professional, and that being a gay dude in the South with mental problems probably set me up for some terrible problems with labeling and misdiagnosis.
Posted by Phillipa on November 30, 2011, at 11:29:44
In reply to Re: What if I recovered from narcissism?, posted by Christ_empowered on November 30, 2011, at 7:55:10
CE I so agree with Soltice you are humble, gracious, helpful to others, and also narcissism from what I read is no longer in the new DSM a personality disorder. I feel you were treated not so nice by some of those people. You are who you are and I find that a wonderful person. And also I've read that personality disorders even borderline are part of being a teen and yes are outgrown. You are a super person. Phillipa
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 30, 2011, at 18:28:40
In reply to Re: What if I recovered from narcissism? » Christ_empowered, posted by Solstice on November 29, 2011, at 22:04:18
Wish I could "like" this. Good post, Solstice. And take it in, CE!!
Posted by Solstice on November 30, 2011, at 21:22:59
In reply to Re: What if I recovered from narcissism?, posted by Christ_empowered on November 30, 2011, at 7:55:10
> Hey, Solstice.
>
> I don't think you'll ever quite know how helpful your input was to me.Well.. I'm honored to have had the privilege of being helpful to you... and I'm warmed to hear what it meant to you.
> I think part of the problem is that some "mental health professionals" saw fit to break confidentiality, so my diagnosis was talk of the town for a good 2 years. Imagine, if you will, being in a bar or at work and hearing people talk about your "narcissism." I wasn't hallucinating, either.Know what, CE? When I hear you talk about the voices that plague you, I keep wondering if it's not that you are hallucinating 'voices,' as much as it is that you've walked a tough road, and there are a number of situational factors that have created an environment for you that has you ultra-sensitive to what others think and say about you. If we get an abundance of negative feedback socially, then it becomes 'natural' for us to perceive others as not liking us, of being critical of us, of rushing to judgment about us, of falsely accusing us. You've talked about youthful indiscretions that seem to have left you feeling a lot of shame. Plus, being gay, you've likely been bullied and faced some social rejection - or at least fear of rejection. Then there are the obstacles to independence created by having mental health issues... and the icing on the cake is the betrayal by mental health professionals. Considering all you've had to cope with, I am amazed at your ability to sustain a genuine and open-hearted spirit... someone who strikes me as being without guile. You bear your hurts with courage and maturity. So I don't know, CE, but when I read your descriptions of the voices, what I 'hear' is a sensitive soul who is pained by hearing the tapes of so many critical voices from the past being replayed in his head - as opposed to someone who 'hears voices' in a way that we think of when someone is psychotic. I realize I could be completely wrong - I'm just sharing my impressions based on what I 'see' of you here.
>
> So thank you. I guess now its just a matter of recognizing that mental health "professionals" aren't always that professional, and that being a gay dude in the South with mental problems probably set me up for some terrible problems with labeling and misdiagnosis.And maybe it's not just the narcissism diagnosis that's off? Maybe you experienced a break of some kind due to the enormously complicated and painful things you've experienced, but maybe you really aren't as 'psychotic' as you've been encouraged to believe?
Solstice
Posted by Christ_empowered on November 30, 2011, at 22:09:31
In reply to Re: What if I recovered from narcissism?, posted by Solstice on November 30, 2011, at 21:22:59
I think you're right on the money, Solstice. One of my friends, who typically keeps the conversation light, said to me that my madness "intrigues her." She went on to say that it just didn't seem like bipolar or schizophrenia or...anything, although it does seem that, for now at least, drugs help.
So, I think you're very much spot on. And its hard to get support. As a Christian, I can't be actively gay, so when I say "yeah, I'm celibate because of my beliefs" to most mental health people, they look at me like I'm (even more) crazy. And of course I don't get support from actively gay gays, because we don't have similar beliefs. Then the church (Protestants, at least) seem to think you can either pray it away or at least not talk about it. Ugh.
But that's not my biggest problem. I think at this point its how to live after having been in such a terribly dark, hellish place for so long. Faith is quite helpful--essential, really--but doubt hits and...well, it can be rough. Plus, I used to be moronic. I mean, I was basically the village idiot for 3 years, until everything "came together" through what I believe to be divine intervention and appropriate medical care.
As for the "psychosis"...I just don't know what to do. Whatever it is, it bothers me sometimes. You're right about it not being "psychosis" as we think of "psychosis," because I've experienced that, and its terrible, but its also quite different in intensity and "feel" than what I have now.
The good news is that I'm happier, smarter, and on my way to being productive.
Thanks again for your posts. I can tell you're an empathetic, caring individual.
Posted by Dinah on December 4, 2011, at 14:41:55
In reply to What if I recovered from narcissism?, posted by Christ_empowered on November 29, 2011, at 18:13:58
As is not uncommon, I agree with Solstice. I haven't seen any signs of narcissism in you.
Mental health professionals can be just plain wrong.
This is the end of the thread.
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