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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on October 10, 2003, at 13:54:55
Since lot of us are in pain and not many of us get the help from our therapists on how to overcome it, can we share our ideas on how to overcome this transference issues (especially erotic stuff).
If you have talked to your therapist about it and think it would be helpful, maybe you can share it here? Also Jay - since you are a therapist, can you give us some good idea?
PinkEye
Posted by karen_kay on October 10, 2003, at 15:37:46
In reply to How to overcome transference, posted by pinkeye on October 10, 2003, at 13:54:55
Just a thought, maybe the best way to overcome transference issues is to realize exactly why we are having these reactions. Since we basically know nothing aobut our therapists, we are somehow almost confusing them with someone else in our lives. I think the best way to overcome this is to really think about who it is that we are actually percieving and why. For example....I see older authority figures in my life and fal in love with them. If they respond to my advances I am instantly turned off. The reason is that I see them as my father. I was sexually abused by my father. You see, I know exactly why I do it and where it comes from. What we are missing in our lives from that person we need to give back to ourselves. We can't change the past, we can only control the future.
Posted by pinkeye on October 10, 2003, at 16:06:51
In reply to Re: How to overcome transference, posted by karen_kay on October 10, 2003, at 15:37:46
That is a nice idea.. Yeah I have the same problem too.. I like and fall in love with authority figures.. But I was not abused by my father. I don't know who it is that I am projecting onto my therapist. But I think that might be a good place to start.
Posted by karen_kay on October 10, 2003, at 16:16:13
In reply to Re: How to overcome transference, posted by pinkeye on October 10, 2003, at 16:06:51
Did you have a good realtionship with your father? Maybe you really have a need to be protected? Other than the abuse, he protected me from my mother's abuse, and I hold him in high regard. Try starting there. Try to sit down without distrations and find out what it is you are looking for in these men. I wan tprotection, stability, comfort, those types of things. The types of things a father gives a child. Thry that ansd see what happens.
Posted by pinkeye on October 10, 2003, at 16:28:26
In reply to Re: How to overcome transference, posted by karen_kay on October 10, 2003, at 16:16:13
I had a very good relationship with my father.. he loved me a lot and he was my guiding person throughout my young life.. I know I miss that sort of comfort a lot and keep seeking that in the men I meet.
Posted by karen_kay on October 10, 2003, at 17:47:25
In reply to Re: How to overcome transference, posted by pinkeye on October 10, 2003, at 16:28:26
I too have that problem. But, I am not so sure that I percieve it as such a problem. My therapist seems to think so. He believes that I tend to define love in terms as fatherly and I am just looking for someone to take care of me. And my reply is so what? Why is that a problem? Is that really a problem? Is there something wrong with me if I defien love in terms of more of a fatherly role than a romantic role? Hmm... looks like I may be looking at a few more months in the chair with the cute shrink, eh? What is yoru thought on this?? Suggestions? Wishing my shrink wasn't married. It is funny, I finding myself thinking that I quantee he is a wonderful father and sometimes wish he was my dad. At the same time I am very attracted to him. Wish I oculd tell him all of these things but I am kinda embarassed. These thoughts seem a bit abnormal, hmmm? Thoughts, suggestions, or comments?
Posted by pinkeye on October 10, 2003, at 18:12:31
In reply to Re: How to overcome transference, posted by karen_kay on October 10, 2003, at 17:47:25
> I too have that problem. But, I am not so sure that I percieve it as such a problem. My therapist seems to think so. He believes that I tend to define love in terms as fatherly and I am just looking for someone to take care of me. And my reply is so what? Why is that a problem? Is that really a problem?
The reason it is a problem from my personal experience is that, if you look for your father in your partner, then romance gets to be difficult. You want to look up to that person, but whereas he is infact your partner. So either you or the other person or both of you stop getting attracted to each other romantically. Another reason it is a problem is, you might get attracted to a person as you think he would be a nice figure as a father, but that person may not want you as a child. He might only treat you as a child, and you will end up getting disappointed because he doesn't get romanitcally attracted to you. So you will get a lot of more disappointment, it has happened to me.
>Is there something wrong with me if I defien love in terms of more of a fatherly role than a romantic role? Hmm... looks like I may be looking at a few more months in the chair with the cute shrink, eh? What is yoru thought on this?? Suggestions? Wishing my shrink wasn't married. It is funny, I finding myself thinking that I quantee he is a wonderful father and sometimes wish he was my dad. At the same time I am very attracted to him. Wish I oculd tell him all of these things but I am kinda embarassed. These thoughts seem a bit abnormal, hmmm? Thoughts, suggestions, or comments?
Even I have the same feeling.. I think he would be a wonderful person to look up to and I like to listen to what he says.. but on the other hand, I am romantically attracted to him also..
Posted by stjames on October 10, 2003, at 20:16:18
In reply to How to overcome transference, posted by pinkeye on October 10, 2003, at 13:54:55
not many of us get the help from our therapists on how to overcome it
This only happens if you choose not to tell your therapist about it. Jay is not a therapist, he says he is school to be one.
Transferance is a step to getting better, not talking about it or thinking it is bad is a step back.
Posted by judy1 on October 11, 2003, at 21:34:06
In reply to Re: How to overcome transference, posted by pinkeye on October 10, 2003, at 18:12:31
I guess I look at it as a step to getting better too. I tend to project my feelings towards my ex-shrink to my present one, they are actually quite similar, attractive older men. I'm feeling a lot of anger towards my ex-shrink now and I get angry at my present one, then feel guilty about it and get depressed. He's the one who pointed it out and we'll work through it. then we'll figure out why I repeat the pattern, and I know it has to do with my father. I think just looking at it logically strips the power away, and I don't feel that dependency any more. I realize my husband is in the real world, not the one hour therapy room, and he is the person who should receive my love. anyway, I think that's how it's supposed to work:-). take care, judy
Posted by HannahW on October 12, 2003, at 2:51:44
In reply to Re: How to overcome transference » pinkeye, posted by judy1 on October 11, 2003, at 21:34:06
That's a tough question, and the urgency of that very question comes and goes for me. Currently, I'm on an upswing (that's a bad thing) in my feelings for my therapist. I felt like she had rejected me once, so I was holding back on her, not allowing myself to be too vulnerable to her. Then we talked about it and I feel much better. Unfortunately, now I'm thinking about her more and more again. It's not an erotic thing, although I can see how that could happen with a nice male therapist. Funny though, I've had male therapists and never got remotely attached to either of them. But I've gotten obsessively attached to various women my whole life. I guess I just crave that warm, feminine love that I didn't get from my mother.
Posted by nuricat on September 14, 2015, at 12:22:48
In reply to Re: How to overcome transference, posted by stjames on October 10, 2003, at 20:16:18
I am still hung up on a therapist who emotionally abused me years ago. He is still in my min d. I dream of him. I think transference is really dangerous. How do I get the man out of my head. I thought of finding another therapist just to get transference to that one, and then managing it the way I want. This guy was a fake, fake qualifications, the lot, and took me for a lot of money.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 14, 2015, at 15:30:42
In reply to How to overcome transference, posted by pinkeye on October 10, 2003, at 13:54:55
I have no idea how one overcomes feelings; still with my t after 10 years (the issue...a church issue was resolved a long time ago); I fell in love with him; I hate the word, "transference" just a fancy word for feelings (unless it is the Freudian thing).....unfortunetly he led me on....physically and emotionally; I kept a record of what he said and did to me.... and wrote him a "how could you do this to me" letter, which I haven't sent; trying to find the courage to confront him; if anyone is interested in what happened (not sure I should post it here); you can pm me or send me an e-mail; carleton@oakland.edu; Over 10 years ago, there was a poster (Jadah); she had an affair with her t...and also had cancer; I wish I could find out what happened to her.
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