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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by QuietHeart on May 8, 2005, at 9:14:05
Hi all,
I don't post very often but am usually lurking around reading and absorbing from others posts. Thanks in advance for reading my post. I am a single 27 year old professional. I have never really had a boyfriend. I have been intimate with men, but not actually had intercourse. I have dated men, but never gotten to a point of developing serious feelings for any of them and never had any sort of "relationship" that latest more than a month or two. Anyway, I am very, very insecure about being single, and now my closest friends, also perpetually single, are pairing off and I am just feeling really depressed and low. I find I am a very self-sufficient person and don't necessarily NEED someone else, but feel the social pressure to not be single anymore. I live in a suburb pretty hopeless for dating, especially people of my culture (I am Middle Eastern) and I cannot move from this place for at least another year and a half. I am also wondering if moving to a metropolis is the answer. I don't feel the T I had (since terminated) helped me with this because she was coming from the POV that I needed to meet someone and get married. I feel so, so , so horrible about myself, please help!! I need some advice.
Posted by annierose on May 8, 2005, at 11:03:26
In reply to Jealousy, loneliness, posted by QuietHeart on May 8, 2005, at 9:14:05
I wish I knew how to respond to your post. I'm not very good at this, but I'll try. I don't think getting married is ever the answer to lonliness. If you are not content and happy already, a man will not "fix" the problem. It will only make for a sad and unhappy marriage.
I am so surprised your T lead you to believe that. Maybe you projected those feelings onto your T.
Are you willing to seek out another therapist that you feel more connected to? The more comfortable you are within yourself, the more other people will see that within you. And respond accordingly.
When I was trying to meet men, I did that by expanding my friendship base. Putting myself out there a little bit more than I was comfortable with. And when I'd least expect it, when I was just being myself, not trying to get anyone's attention, that is when I would get asked out. Some dates were horrible, and some were okay. But I learned something from each experience.
Good Luck. It's hard, I know.
Posted by alesta on May 8, 2005, at 20:32:07
In reply to Jealousy, loneliness, posted by QuietHeart on May 8, 2005, at 9:14:05
hi there quietheart,
let me start by saying i totally understand the pressure you are experiencing...i just left a relationship and already my mother is trying to set me up with guys..i have told her unequivocally that i am not interested right now..but she is scared i'm going to become an old maid! lol...jeez, it's only been one month after i left my ex's house! so i KNOW the pressure!!!!! i'm going to just rebel against everyone and stay single...take THAT! :-) i don't need no stinkin man..
but seriously, IMO, life is too short to worry about what people think of you. you should only be in a relationship if you really want one. it takes guts to live a life outside of societal expectations...and i respect people who do so. do what makes you happy, and live a life that suits your desires.
btw, nice to meet you!:)
take care,
amy
Posted by alesta on May 9, 2005, at 15:33:53
In reply to Jealousy, loneliness, posted by QuietHeart on May 8, 2005, at 9:14:05
hi quietheart,:0
i stumbled upon this web site and thought you might find it interesting:
http://dir.salon.com/mwt/feature/1998/07/cov_27feature.html
amy
Posted by QuietHeart on May 10, 2005, at 22:55:10
In reply to Re: Jealousy, loneliness » QuietHeart, posted by alesta on May 9, 2005, at 15:33:53
Thanks so much Alesta, this makes me feel a little better, but I WANT to crave a relationship like others. SIGH. Thanks for the support.
Posted by alesta on May 11, 2005, at 0:36:13
In reply to Re: Jealousy, loneliness » alesta, posted by QuietHeart on May 10, 2005, at 22:55:10
> Thanks so much Alesta, this makes me feel a little better, but I WANT to crave a relationship like others. SIGH. Thanks for the support.
oh, sorry i couldn't be of more help, QH. you're so welcome. good luck.:-) (btw, depression might affect your ability to crave relationships..)amy
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