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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by hoolahoop on September 2, 2007, at 9:49:05
my fiancee has depression/anxiety more so than me. and i am feeling abused with his behaviour. i dont know where to start , he swears at me calls me bitch, embaresses me in public, he has no money or job prospects, he doesnt know how to manage money, hes always borrowing money off me. we are always fighting, he slams doors, shouts at me, its never his fault.... i feel so depressed. why cant i leave him? he tells me im the only thing hes got. he doesnt see his parents. i dont know if i should stay or go. if i go, im scared of being on my own but i cant take his sh*t anymore. i am seeing a counsellor in aweek. i hope its not a waste of money. he says its his meds doing this to him. is it really?
Posted by hoolahoop on September 4, 2007, at 7:48:05
In reply to relationship going down hill, posted by hoolahoop on September 2, 2007, at 9:49:05
noones answered =(
Posted by ClearSkies on September 4, 2007, at 8:50:39
In reply to relationship going down hill, posted by hoolahoop on September 2, 2007, at 9:49:05
> my fiancee has depression/anxiety more so than me. and i am feeling abused with his behaviour. i dont know where to start , he swears at me calls me bitch, embaresses me in public, he has no money or job prospects, he doesnt know how to manage money, hes always borrowing money off me. we are always fighting, he slams doors, shouts at me, its never his fault.... i feel so depressed. why cant i leave him? he tells me im the only thing hes got. he doesnt see his parents. i dont know if i should stay or go. if i go, im scared of being on my own but i cant take his sh*t anymore. i am seeing a counsellor in aweek. i hope its not a waste of money. he says its his meds doing this to him. is it really?
First of all - I'm sorry that I didn't respond before to this message. I saw it and thought about it and thought, "someone else will have a better idea than I do" and there it sat.
I'm glad that you're going to see a counselor - you'll get some skills on how to handle this situation whether you stay or leave. Is his behaviour a change from how he used to be? Did he start becoming short tempered after he started taking medication, or did it get worse? Not that I'm looking for an exuse, but just to look at what's going on.
Knowing how to respond in a relationship where you're both suffering calls for a lot of gentleness from both parties. Neither of you are coming from your best at the moment, and from my experience, it's the people we love most that we behave the worst with. I treat my husband abominably at times, and I'm quite ashamed at this. Yet he's quite unflappable and seems to be able to "go with the flow".
I do think that you getting help for yourself right now is the best thing you can do for the relationship.
ClearSkies
Posted by karen_kay on September 4, 2007, at 12:59:10
In reply to Re: relationship going down hill » hoolahoop, posted by ClearSkies on September 4, 2007, at 8:50:39
mister kk and i are having some problems recently and i feel i don't have any advice to give :) crap, i'm posting all over the place askign for help! luckily, things are getting better between us, thanks to some 'sitting down and talking' (and also realizing stress will do things to relationships)
sorry, now back to you...
getting outside help is a GREAT idea! someone outside the relationship is often able to evaluate a whole lot more thna people emotionally involved. that's a great idea, and bound to help in many ways! again, great job!!!
you may want to point out that you are feeling abused. i realize that he may well be going through some things (ie meds, depression, ect) but, it doesn't give him the right to abuse you. and in my relationship name calling is somethign that is off limits (as much as i love it. i swear, that's the first thing i try to do, but have learned to bite my lip!).
have you tried explaining to him how you feel when he does these things? that you are feelign abused, embarassed and hurt?
and was this somethign that occured before he started his medication? whiel his meds may be causign him some grief, it's still not fair to take it out on you dear. (again, mister kk and i were discussing how we treat those we love worse than strangers. it doesn't seem fair, does it? i guess it comes with being comfortable with them, and being able to show all of our 'sides' with our partners.)
hopefully, you'll be able to discuss all of these thigns with your fiancee and the counsellor. and maybe he needs to try a different medication, if he's not getting the desired results? (i'm not a doctor!!!!)
but, i've always found that when i'm treatign mister kk the worst, it's because we need to talk about things that are on our minds. maybe he's hurting and taking it out on you? not that you deserve ti by any means dear. (oh, also, are you guys stressed out right now? financially, is the weddign coming up soon? parents giving you grief? kids (if you have any?) acting up? stress can be a major factor as well..
the counsellor should be able to help you and that's a great step you're taking dear. just remember though, if the counsellor isn't able to help you and talking isn't helping and meds aren't helping and talking isn't helping.... you don't deserve to feel abused dear. under any circumstances! talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. maybe that'll make a difference!
kk, who always gives the worst advice ever!
write back please!
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