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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Faedra on December 16, 2007, at 1:50:50
I am in pain right now. I had fallen in love with the guy I was dating but he broke up with me tonight. I believe that he really does care for me--a lot--but he just doesn't think I'm the right person for him. The problem is that this always happens. My last relationships lasted 3 months, 3 months, and 5 1/2 months. (I didn't like these other guys as much as this one, though). I thought that things were going to be different with Gary because the feelings seemed to be mutual, but I guess he was having mixed feelings.
Whenever I have asked a guy I've dated what I've done wrong, the answer is always, "You haven't done anything; you're lovely. It's just something you can't put your finger on." I've really come to believe that the problem is my lack of confidence due to having a bad upbringing. Like Gary said, "You're too nice. You need to think about yourself, what you want, and what will make YOU happy. You try too hard to please others." I am trying my best to change, and I'm in therapy. But:
1. I'm insecure
2. I'm a people-pleaser (why is this a bad quality??)
3. It's hard to feel good about yourself when you feel that people always leave you.All I want is to find someone to love me. I know that "no one else can make you happy," and that "you have to love yourself first," but you know what? I felt wonderfully happy when I was with Gary! I adored him and felt very fulfilled and happy in our relationship. I don't know how I'm going to manage because I honestly feel that I will never find someone who accepts me as I am, flaws and all. I think this relationship might be the last straw that kills the little bit of hope I still had.
Posted by Squiggles on December 17, 2007, at 12:27:58
In reply to Breakup has left me so down, posted by Faedra on December 16, 2007, at 1:50:50
...snip
I don't know how I'm going to manage because I honestly feel that I will never find someone who accepts me as I am, flaws and all. I think this relationship might be the last straw that kills the little bit of hope I still had.
Hi,
Consider the possibility that not everyone has
those values, or will say those things to you
if they don't feel you appeal to them. Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong
with you. Maybe that guy is just not right for you. So don't beat yourself up -- there are many
different characters in the world. Infact, I think your values are a good thing to have.Squiggles
Posted by hoolahoop on January 13, 2008, at 2:36:52
In reply to Re: Breakup has left me so down, posted by Squiggles on December 17, 2007, at 12:27:58
hi
sorry to hear your news. its hard when u break up from someone you really like. i felt the same when i was with a guy. was only with him for 3 months but i really felt like he was the one, then he dumped me for no reason really , he did mention about my low confidence which sunk me even lower.
i too am a people pleaser, its something i really hate about myself .i dont think there is anything wrong with you either. on the bright side at least he was honest with you instead of taking advantage of your people pleasing which has been done to me.
take care
This is the end of the thread.
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