![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 2 of 2. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by NotSoInnocent on April 21, 2008, at 21:39:23
Almost 2 years ago I married my best friend. Sounds great right? Well, recently I have come to realize that it may have been one of my biggest mistakes. I have finally taken some time to look into some issues that keep coming up between us lately, and the more I learn the more unhappy I am. I have noticed in the past few months that I do not feel sexually attracted to my husband. I don't feel any decrease of sexual desire anywhere else, only when I am around him. Whenever I bring this up among friends it is always passed off as a normal part of marriage. So I started looking deeper within myself in hopes to find a solution, or at least an explanation for this situation. To my surprise I realized that I have never felt sexually attracted to him. All throughout our relationship I was having sex with him purely out of friendship, because I care about him and like to see him happy, and not because I desired, or lusted after him. This may not sound like a problem to most people but let me clarify, I am 22 years old. I have a very healthy sexual appetite and I find myself really missing those feelings of passion that normal couples feel (at least once in a while, right?). My husband is a very jealous guy and would never go for the idea involving me being anything more than polite to another man, but lately he is offended and angry that I would even pleasure myself without his participation. We are considering sex therapy to try and find some sort of a happy medium, but I honestly can't see myself ever being sexually fulfilled while staying in the boundaries of a monogamous marriage. Is our marriage doomed?
Posted by Racer on July 3, 2008, at 12:52:03
In reply to Doom and gloom..., posted by NotSoInnocent on April 21, 2008, at 21:39:23
> My husband is a very jealous guy and would never go for the idea involving me being anything more than polite to another man, but lately he is offended and angry that I would even pleasure myself without his participation. We are considering sex therapy to try and find some sort of a happy medium, but I honestly can't see myself ever being sexually fulfilled while staying in the boundaries of a monogamous marriage. Is our marriage doomed?
Your marriage is only doomed if you decide that it is.
That sounds so simplistic, doesn't it? It's true, though, in the sense that sex is one of those things that everyone has to rank somewhere as a personal priority -- it sounds as though it's fairly high on your list of priorities, so that might mean that your marriage can't survive without an increased dose of passion. It's probably worth sitting down and determining your priorities in this relationship, and whether you're likely to be satisfied with your sex life as it now stands. Staying in a relationship because "things can change" is a good recipe for misery -- you're the only thing you have any hope of changing, so that's where to start.
This is one of those things that a lot of couples seem to struggle with. And you cannot "force" yourself to feel more sexual attraction to someone.
I was involved for years with a man whom I loved, and was never particularly attracted to. Our sex life was great, though, because I loved him and he loved me. When we started having sexual problems, it was because of things happening OUTSIDE of the bedroom, which affected my response to him. When I felt as though my needs were being neglected, it communicated itself by a lack of sexual response on my part. If I were going to offer you any advice, it would be to examine carefully whether something similar is happening for you. Is there something happening in your relationship which is communicating itself by a lack of sexual response to your husband?
I wish you the best luck with this, and hope that you find a solution which works for you.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Relationships | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.