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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by woolav on January 19, 2009, at 20:42:23
Hey all. I have alot of posts from 2005 about my troubled marriage.. well it has fallen apart now. I left my home and went 350 miles away back in april because my husband and I got addicted to drugs and I went to rehab. Anyway, I am now sober but he still uses/drinks..so there is no chance for us.. plus our marriage was super disfunctional. anyway..i am about to file for divorce and i am so afraid of letting go..even though i would not be with him anyway, i still want to know hes a part of my life..i need to grieve for "us" and i dont want to... i hate crying. plus i wonder if my fear of letting go is just because i dont want to be alone. and so i hold on to him just in case. and i need to figure out how to just let go....
S
Posted by gardenergirl on January 24, 2009, at 15:34:52
In reply to Getting Divorced finally but why am I so SAD???, posted by woolav on January 19, 2009, at 20:42:23
First, congratulations on your sobriety! That's no easy accomplishment.
You've been through so much together and individually. We all grieve in different ways, and ending a marriage is a definite loss even when it's the right thing for you. I think one thing about grieving is that it means we've accepted the loss in some way, and that alone can be hard. I wish you peace in this time, and I hope that you and your husband can find a way to be in each others' lives that is healthy for both of you going forward.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Anwar on February 1, 2009, at 12:17:50
In reply to Getting Divorced finally but why am I so SAD???, posted by woolav on January 19, 2009, at 20:42:23
> Hey all. I have alot of posts from 2005 about my troubled marriage.. well it has fallen apart now. I left my home and went 350 miles away back in april because my husband and I got addicted to drugs and I went to rehab. Anyway, I am now sober but he still uses/drinks..so there is no chance for us.. plus our marriage was super disfunctional. anyway..i am about to file for divorce and i am so afraid of letting go..even though i would not be with him anyway, i still want to know hes a part of my life..i need to grieve for "us" and i dont want to... i hate crying. plus i wonder if my fear of letting go is just because i dont want to be alone. and so i hold on to him just in case. and i need to figure out how to just let go....
> Swoolav, quite a bit going on in your life right now. I don't have the knowledge or experience to address everything contained in your post but I have a couple of thoughts. First, whenever I've had a significant relationship end I've always felt sad. For me I think that's it's because long term significant relationships are something I value greatly. And when they're gone I miss not only the person but the relationship and everything I've shared in it. For me it's natural to morn such a loss, feel sad and lonely. That's what makes us human. I would be more concerned if you didn't feel anything as a result of such a loss. The second thought relates to the cure for your sadness and feeling of loneliness. The only way I've ever gotten over the loss of a young lady which I had a relationship with was to let time go by. You've heard of the saying that "Time heals all wounds"? In my case I believe it to be true. One last thing. You mentioned that you are in recovery from substance abuse. The absolute worst thing you could do right now would to be start using again. If you think your life is a train wreck now see how much worse it would get if you were to go back to your old way of life. There is no question that you have a lot on your plate right now. I wish you the best of luck with it all. Anwar.
P.S. I'm an attorney so if you have any questions you would like to have answered relative to your up coming divorce I would be glad to help you get your answers.
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