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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Phil on September 1, 2000, at 20:42:24
Lessons You Learned
For every petal you pluck from a daisy,
You're granted one measure of love.
For every rainbow you find with two ends,
I wish you two stars from above.
For every tear you brush from a cheek,
I promise you kindness will follow.
Wherever you walk, under rainbows or stars,
Over daisies, or down lonely hollows.
For every child you play with and talk to,
I grant you one heart full of laughter.
For every smile you place on a face,
I promise you peace ever after.
If you think "I" am giving you priceless gifts,
Look close at yourself and your deeds.
The gifts you earned were the lessons you learned
While answering other folks' needs.
By Marlene Gerba
Posted by tina on September 2, 2000, at 22:05:20
In reply to Lessons, posted by Phil on September 1, 2000, at 20:42:24
> Lessons You Learned
>
> For every petal you pluck from a daisy,
> You're granted one measure of love.
> For every rainbow you find with two ends,
> I wish you two stars from above.
>
> For every tear you brush from a cheek,
> I promise you kindness will follow.
> Wherever you walk, under rainbows or stars,
> Over daisies, or down lonely hollows.
>
> For every child you play with and talk to,
> I grant you one heart full of laughter.
> For every smile you place on a face,
> I promise you peace ever after.
>
> If you think "I" am giving you priceless gifts,
> Look close at yourself and your deeds.
> The gifts you earned were the lessons you learned
> While answering other folks' needs.
>
> By Marlene GerbaThat's beautiful Phil. As usual you've evoked a vision of life that I can aspire to but can never quite reach. I wonder if that's why these things are always talked about in poetry instead of the reality in which we all must survive. "Even when poetry is sad, it's beautiful"
Posted by Phil on September 3, 2000, at 10:52:58
In reply to Re: Lessons, posted by tina on September 2, 2000, at 22:05:20
Tina, I'm coming to realize that the only way to any taste of serenity is to get myself back into recovery..as in working the 12 steps. The steps can be practiced by anyone but I need to get back to the meetings. When I was going to ACOA and Al-Anon I, for most of the 2-3 years was medication free. I was also in talk therapy on a regular basis. I felt more serenity there than at any time on medication.
I believe that I can find that serenity again(I'm not jumping off the meds just yet!) if I commit myself to helping others in any way I can. Anything to get the focus back on what's really important in life..love. Helping and sharing with others who are hurting. Just like we all do here at Babble except it's live, in person. I miss the hugs and the chills I would get when hearing the most unlikely person in the room telling my story. I miss the tears.
For me, meds will not help the spiritual vacuum created in my soul while growing up in an alcoholic home. I need help from above and I need it badly now.
Anyway, my life now hopefully will consist of several ways to fight this demon:Faith, meetings, meds, therapy, exercise, Babble, and meditation.
This is where I'm at. I'm certainly not giving advice or asking for any.
For me, taking meds and isolating has been my life for several years now. I have to learn to trust again and I have to FEEL again.
Meds have saved my life but they have not improved it. I have to have more.
Posted by tina on September 3, 2000, at 20:47:37
In reply to Re: Lessons, posted by Phil on September 3, 2000, at 10:52:58
>You sound like a strong determined person Phil. I envy your persistence. I just don't have that anymore. I only have the empty hopeless trapped existence of depression an deep unfulfillment in life. I hope you find your meaning Phil. I wish you the very best of luck in your search. I admire it and hope someday I will feel that strength too. Thanks Phil.
Tina, I'm coming to realize that the only way to any taste of serenity is to get myself back into recovery..as in working the 12 steps. The steps can be practiced by anyone but I need to get back to the meetings. When I was going to ACOA and Al-Anon I, for most of the 2-3 years was medication free. I was also in talk therapy on a regular basis. I felt more serenity there than at any time on medication.
> I believe that I can find that serenity again(I'm not jumping off the meds just yet!) if I commit myself to helping others in any way I can. Anything to get the focus back on what's really important in life..love. Helping and sharing with others who are hurting. Just like we all do here at Babble except it's live, in person. I miss the hugs and the chills I would get when hearing the most unlikely person in the room telling my story. I miss the tears.
> For me, meds will not help the spiritual vacuum created in my soul while growing up in an alcoholic home. I need help from above and I need it badly now.
> Anyway, my life now hopefully will consist of several ways to fight this demon:Faith, meetings, meds, therapy, exercise, Babble, and meditation.
> This is where I'm at. I'm certainly not giving advice or asking for any.
> For me, taking meds and isolating has been my life for several years now. I have to learn to trust again and I have to FEEL again.
> Meds have saved my life but they have not improved it. I have to have more.
Posted by Phil on September 4, 2000, at 8:15:30
In reply to Re: Lessons, posted by tina on September 3, 2000, at 20:47:37
Tina, I wish that were true of me. Actually I'm still very depressed and, last night for instance, I was again trying to find some reason to go on. I'm a pretty flaky personality and very easily reasoned off course by well-meaning people. Most times, the only saving grace for me is that I haven't given up..I THINK ABOUT IT ALMOST EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY.
I think out loud alot on this board and mean well but I always have trouble following through.
And, like you, I feel very unfulfilled in my life. I see people around me everyday who have love in their lives, friends they hang out with. I hear laughter from others that is real and from all outward appearances, some folks are fairly content with life.
When I hear anticipation from others over some thing they're going to do all I think about is the fact that I will be at home alone. Once again hoping that someday I'll have peace.
We all deserve it and it's available but, with me, so near but yet so far.
Peace, Phil
Posted by noa on September 4, 2000, at 12:57:10
In reply to Re: Lessons..Tina, posted by Phil on September 4, 2000, at 8:15:30
Phil,
I know persevering is hard. I hope you know I am rooting for you, hoping you will get to a place where it isn't so painful, that you will feel more hopeful.
Posted by Phil on September 5, 2000, at 7:42:33
In reply to Re: Lessons..Tina, posted by noa on September 4, 2000, at 12:57:10
> Phil,
>
> I know persevering is hard. I hope you know I am rooting for you, hoping you will get to a place where it isn't so painful, that you will feel more hopeful.
Posted by dove on September 6, 2000, at 10:17:52
In reply to Re: Lessons..Tina, posted by Phil on September 4, 2000, at 8:15:30
Well, all I can say is, I'm with ya all the way Phil!
I am so good at speaking or writing compelling words of encouragement, but turn into a bowl of jello when it comes to my own battles. I tend to severely withdraw when I'm depressed, so I don't share the pain, or ask for help, or really face those demons working inside me. I also tend to be flaky, my friends used to call me the flighty butterfly (because I would play the greeting hostess at parties and just as suddenly do a vanishing act).
I quite literally move from smiles and laughter to tears pouring down my face while I sit in a darkened corner of the basement, completely convinced of my own total hopelessness. Sometimes I can just wait it out, and it passes. Other times I'll start cleaning out the whole house, throwing away all the little odds and ends I'm keeping for the future. There are times when my husband will distract me with either doing or discussing something that really matters to me, but he can't always be there, physically or emotionally, to do that and I shouldn't expect him to be.
One very moving and activating aspect of the 12-step meetings are the face-to-face kind of interaction they require. I've done the big meetings, with speakers at the podium, and the chairs all in rows facing forward, but they lack that certain confrontation and accountability that seems to move me from helplessnes to hope. I do my best (and worst) in the smaller "sit around one big table" groups (made by shoving four tables together), while listening and staring at the faces of those who have gone before, and after me.
It's very difficult to fake the "great life" testimony when meeting with the same group for over a year. They start to read you (probably could from the get-go :-) and confront you when you say everything is just fine, thank you very much! I was put in alcohol/drug rehab when I was in my middle teens, so I started the 12-stepping with an attitude. I would look over those wrinkle-lined faces, and shaking hands and wonder how the hell they related to me?! Ten years later and I'm finally seeing the light. The wisdom, acceptance, love, and concern they gave/give me has never been matched.
Me and my ugly expressions, snotty attitude, condescending comments, they let me blow my horn, they allowed me to string syrupy lies through my saccharine laced smile, and then asked: "How are you really doing? I see you shaved your head again, are you struggling?" Since relocating I haven't gone to even one meeting, and maybe that should be a first step in dragging my tired bones out of the gutter.
I'm going to get to a meeting sometime in the next week. I may freak out and leave, but I'm committing myself to at least one, I need the fellowship and the honesty. Thank you Phil for inciting and inspiring me, and thank you for the story above about the closing of the aged woman's life-journey, it truly touched my core!
dove
Posted by Kath on September 27, 2000, at 9:53:06
In reply to Re: Lessons... and walkin' the walk by faith, posted by dove on September 6, 2000, at 10:17:52
Hi Dove,
Your honesty touches me. You're in my thoughts. I haven't read many posts from the past month; did you get to a meeting? I go to CoDependents Anonymous & it has changed my life big-time - I guess I should say it has helped ME change myself. I hope you've been able to take that one important step.
How are things going for you?
Warm thoughts, Kath
> Well, all I can say is, I'm with ya all the way Phil!
>
> I am so good at speaking or writing compelling words of encouragement, but turn into a bowl of jello when it comes to my own battles. I tend to severely withdraw when I'm depressed, so I don't share the pain, or ask for help, or really face those demons working inside me. I also tend to be flaky, my friends used to call me the flighty butterfly (because I would play the greeting hostess at parties and just as suddenly do a vanishing act).
>
> I quite literally move from smiles and laughter to tears pouring down my face while I sit in a darkened corner of the basement, completely convinced of my own total hopelessness. Sometimes I can just wait it out, and it passes. Other times I'll start cleaning out the whole house, throwing away all the little odds and ends I'm keeping for the future. There are times when my husband will distract me with either doing or discussing something that really matters to me, but he can't always be there, physically or emotionally, to do that and I shouldn't expect him to be.
>
> One very moving and activating aspect of the 12-step meetings are the face-to-face kind of interaction they require. I've done the big meetings, with speakers at the podium, and the chairs all in rows facing forward, but they lack that certain confrontation and accountability that seems to move me from helplessnes to hope. I do my best (and worst) in the smaller "sit around one big table" groups (made by shoving four tables together), while listening and staring at the faces of those who have gone before, and after me.
>
> It's very difficult to fake the "great life" testimony when meeting with the same group for over a year. They start to read you (probably could from the get-go :-) and confront you when you say everything is just fine, thank you very much! I was put in alcohol/drug rehab when I was in my middle teens, so I started the 12-stepping with an attitude. I would look over those wrinkle-lined faces, and shaking hands and wonder how the hell they related to me?! Ten years later and I'm finally seeing the light. The wisdom, acceptance, love, and concern they gave/give me has never been matched.
>
> Me and my ugly expressions, snotty attitude, condescending comments, they let me blow my horn, they allowed me to string syrupy lies through my saccharine laced smile, and then asked: "How are you really doing? I see you shaved your head again, are you struggling?" Since relocating I haven't gone to even one meeting, and maybe that should be a first step in dragging my tired bones out of the gutter.
>
> I'm going to get to a meeting sometime in the next week. I may freak out and leave, but I'm committing myself to at least one, I need the fellowship and the honesty. Thank you Phil for inciting and inspiring me, and thank you for the story above about the closing of the aged woman's life-journey, it truly touched my core!
>
> dove
This is the end of the thread.
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