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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by coral on November 9, 2000, at 8:08:18
I guess I should just be a good little lump (hey maybe a coal lump?) and get myself off this thread and cease being uppity and stop complaining and start myself a separate but equal thread. But I think it's important to speak up and support people who are hurt by this kind of thing. Abuse of women includes verbal abuse and being couched in humor doesn't change that. I don't think you have to hurt other people to cheer yourself up. I don't think respecting other people is political correctness, I think it's treating people the way you would want to be treated.
Dear Hannah,
May we please keep this discussion in a separate thread?
Your statement, "I don't think you have to hurt other people to cheer yourself up," is confusing to me. Please clarify if this is a generic statement or if you are directing that statement to me personally.
I find it disingenous to complain about comments directed toward women (at the request of a woman!) but not respond to the comments directed toward men. Concurrently, it is disturbing to see things taken out of context. Obviously, I don't know your background, but I do know mine. I was raped at four, and as an adult female, suffered both physical and psychological assaults, and speak as a woman who has suffered abuse.
It would be all too easy to lock into positions which wouldn't be beneficial to understanding each other's points of view. I agree with you that abuse under the guise of humor is equally hurtful, but I disagree that what was said was abusive. If I may give an example, a few years ago, I was in a store and a man whistled sharply. It startled me, and I looked at him in surprise. He smiled sheepishly, and said, "Sorry. I was just whistling for my wife." My immediate and internal reaction was "WHAT???? Like some dog???" I must've conveyed my feelings by the look on my face because he very quickly explained it was how they found each other when they were shopping. No sooner had he spoken than a sharp whistle resonated. His wife was in the next aisle, and they met, hugged and kissed. What I'd thought was an insulting action was really quite a clever way of finding each other in a crowded store, and it's a technique my husband and I have adopted.
Sincerely,
Coral
Posted by shar on November 9, 2000, at 11:00:44
In reply to Reply to Hannah, posted by coral on November 9, 2000, at 8:08:18
I agree this should stay a separate thread, and let us ignernt other females/ladies/women/xx's have a little fun in Lumptonia.
When I read Greg's post, it never occurred to me that he was being insulting, because these are some of the things that have happened in relationships of mine. Ie, the PMS thing, the grey hair, not so much the misunderstanding.
Having been in a verbally and psychologically abusive relationship for too many years (divorced about 4 years ago and haven't dated since) I know what hurts me, I know the grinding hatred that the true misogynist uses whether in jest or while being serious. I know the shame associated with trying to live up to impossible "standards" that change in case you meet them. I know what it's like to hate myself because of the constant daily battering of verbal abuse.
I believe Greg is a Good Guy, he has become a good friend (one of the only males I've ever felt safe with). If all or part of what he says offends you, you are certainly entitled to your feelings and opinions, and I hope you will discuss them in this thread instead of bringing your distaste and offense for Greg into a thread where people are actually playing. Very rare for (insert diagnosis) to do; having fun.
BTW, I have been a Raging Feminist since the 70's and I take no prisoners, shoot straight, with no bull. Over the years, I've mellowed some, but will not stand for openly misogynistic statements here or anywhere else in my life.
Shar
> I guess I should just be a good little lump (hey maybe a coal lump?) and get myself off this thread and cease being uppity and stop complaining and start myself a separate but equal thread. But I think it's important to speak up and support people who are hurt by this kind of thing. Abuse of women includes verbal abuse and being couched in humor doesn't change that. I don't think you have to hurt other people to cheer yourself up. I don't think respecting other people is political correctness, I think it's treating people the way you would want to be treated.
>
> Dear Hannah,
>
> May we please keep this discussion in a separate thread?
>
> Your statement, "I don't think you have to hurt other people to cheer yourself up," is confusing to me. Please clarify if this is a generic statement or if you are directing that statement to me personally.
>
> I find it disingenous to complain about comments directed toward women (at the request of a woman!) but not respond to the comments directed toward men. Concurrently, it is disturbing to see things taken out of context. Obviously, I don't know your background, but I do know mine. I was raped at four, and as an adult female, suffered both physical and psychological assaults, and speak as a woman who has suffered abuse.
>
> It would be all too easy to lock into positions which wouldn't be beneficial to understanding each other's points of view. I agree with you that abuse under the guise of humor is equally hurtful, but I disagree that what was said was abusive. If I may give an example, a few years ago, I was in a store and a man whistled sharply. It startled me, and I looked at him in surprise. He smiled sheepishly, and said, "Sorry. I was just whistling for my wife." My immediate and internal reaction was "WHAT???? Like some dog???" I must've conveyed my feelings by the look on my face because he very quickly explained it was how they found each other when they were shopping. No sooner had he spoken than a sharp whistle resonated. His wife was in the next aisle, and they met, hugged and kissed. What I'd thought was an insulting action was really quite a clever way of finding each other in a crowded store, and it's a technique my husband and I have adopted.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> Coral
Posted by coral on November 9, 2000, at 12:24:23
In reply to Re: Reply #2 to Hannah, posted by shar on November 9, 2000, at 11:00:44
Dear Shar,
Thank you.
I would hope that Hannah would agree to our wishes, and not interpret it as sweeping it under the rug. Like you, I, too, want to maintain the humorous light-heartedness of Lumptonia and will continue to make every effort to do so.... even if it means getting off this couch!
Coral
This is the end of the thread.
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