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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shyguy on January 8, 2001, at 1:12:54
A low or nonexistent libido precludes the impetus to develop social skills. I'm 47-years-old and have never been on a date nor felt the desire or need to go on one. I also have a nonexistent repertoire of other emotional responses which may explain the absence of a sexual one. I never get angry, for example. Emotions are largely a learned behavioural response which I don't recall ever being taught, at home or in school. I am not shy in other areas, however. In fact my job requires me to deal with members of the public face to face throughout the day and I have no problem doing this.
Sublimation could be another factor resulting in social/sexual shyness. Fourteen-hour work days tend to supplant interest in anything other than sleep when you get home after a long day at the office.
Family members and work associates say I don't know what I'm missing by not socializing and dating. I guess I have to agree with them. How can you miss something you don't feel a need for in the first place?
Data, the character in the Star Trek series and I seem to have a lot in common in this regard.
Posted by dennis on January 8, 2001, at 18:14:54
In reply to sexual/social shyness, posted by shyguy on January 8, 2001, at 1:12:54
Let me ask you a few questions,
Do you have at least two of the following:
a.inability to interact with peers
b.lack of desire to interact with peers
c.lack of appreciation of social cues
d.socially and emotionaly inappropriate behaviorDo you have one of the following:
a.exclusion of other activites
b.repetitive adherence
c.more rote than meaning
d.repetitive routinesDo you have any of the following:
a.superficially perfect expressive language
b.formal pedantic language
c.odd prosody, peculiar voice characteristics
d.impairment of comprehension including misinterpretations of literal/implied meaningsDo you have any of the following:
a.limited use of gestures
b.clumsy/gauche body language
c.limited facial expression
d.inappropriate expression
e.peculiar stiff gazeDo you:
a.have no close friends
b.avoid others
c.no interest in making friends
d.a loner
e.approach others only to have own needs metany of these sound like you:
a.gestures are large and clumsy
b.does not use hands to express oneself
c.difficulty sensing feelings of others
d.there is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior(other than in social interaction)
Posted by shyguy on January 9, 2001, at 0:20:13
In reply to Re: sexual/social shyness, posted by dennis on January 8, 2001, at 18:14:54
> Let me ask you a few questions,
>
> Do you have at least two of the following:
> a.inability to interact with peers
> b.lack of desire to interact with peers
> c.lack of appreciation of social cues
> d.socially and emotionaly inappropriate behavior
>
> Do you have one of the following:
> a.exclusion of other activites
> b.repetitive adherence
> c.more rote than meaning
> d.repetitive routines
>
> Do you have any of the following:
> a.superficially perfect expressive language
> b.formal pedantic language
> c.odd prosody, peculiar voice characteristics
> d.impairment of comprehension including misinterpretations of literal/implied meanings
>
> Do you have any of the following:
> a.limited use of gestures
> b.clumsy/gauche body language
> c.limited facial expression
> d.inappropriate expression
> e.peculiar stiff gaze
>
> Do you:
> a.have no close friends
> b.avoid others
> c.no interest in making friends
> d.a loner
> e.approach others only to have own needs met
>
> any of these sound like you:
> a.gestures are large and clumsy
> b.does not use hands to express oneself
> c.difficulty sensing feelings of others
> d.there is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior(other than in social interaction)REPLY:
I do lack the desire and do not feel a need to interact with my peers beyond what is required at work to get the job done. I am very much a "team player", however, and always put the needs of the company ahead of my own.
I lack an appreciation of social cues because I was never taught them nor learned them through social experiences (chicken & egg syndrome).
I have been known to exhibit socially inappropriate behaviour, again through ignorance of what is expected in a given situation. Once corrected by someone with more experience in these matters, I do not repeat the inappropriate action(s).
"Exclusion of other activities" - I'm not sure what this refers to, but if it means anything beyond work, eating, sleeping and basic household chores, yes, they are excluded. I enjoy my work, often stretching my 7.5-hour-shifts into 14-hours (probably a workaholic). I enjoy 'hibernating' on days off and have no problem sleeping continuously for 18-hours at a time. I also enjoy watching movies/satellite programs in my home theatre for leisure on days off.
I have no friends, close or otherwise, though I do make an effort to be 'friendly' with everyone I make contact with (usually while working).
I don't go out of my way to avoid others, however I don't make a special effort to meet new people either.
I guess it's true I have no interest in making friends. If I was interested, it would seem to follow that I probably would. I can't think of a specific reason NOT to have friends.
I think it is fair to say I am a loner, yet I don't feel 'lonely' -- whatever that is. I am very content by myself. A big part of this is not having to accomodate the needs of anyone else (probably very selfish) . Another way to look at it is 'freedom from responsibility'.
I do approach others, without apprehension, when it is necessary to attain something I need. This is especially true when I am working.
I have extreme difficulty sensing or appreciating the feelings of others because I don't experience feelings myself. If I did, I believe I would empathise more with others. I have requested sensititivity training from ny employer to try and correct this.
Posted by dennis on January 9, 2001, at 2:58:43
In reply to Re: sexual/social shyness, posted by shyguy on January 9, 2001, at 0:20:13
You have Aspergers Syndrome, thats all there is to it, end of story, if you would like to know more about what that is there is plenty of info on the net and there is a book called Aspergers Syndrome by Tony Attwood.
Posted by PatJ. on January 28, 2001, at 0:18:21
In reply to Re: sexual/social shyness, posted by shyguy on January 9, 2001, at 0:20:13
Hi Shy-guy,
I read all your posts and admire your honesty and straightforwardness. There are a lot of people in this world like you who are loners and completely content. Are you content? You seem so. I won't put any label on you because I do not see you as abnormal because being a loner is an accepted way of life for many and not a disorder in my opinion. I relate to much you have written and have never been given a diagnosis for being a loner and liking it. You also are a very open person who interacts at work and wants to be a bit more sensitive (hey, we all could use that :) ). No one has to live a life full of sexual encounters or dating if they don't wish to and there are plenty of people out there that would relate to you on this. They may have different reasons than you but still they shy away from people a lot of the time and have contact when they need it. Everyone is selfish in the way of getting their needs met so you are no different in terms of selfishness. I read in the paper that there are 43 million women now who prefere the lifestyle you have described. No hassles, they say and they and you have a right to that. Like I said, I admire you for whatever reasons you are who you are. pat
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