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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 2 of 2. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by storm on March 20, 2001, at 17:49:37
I have been in love with a married man who has helped me through so much-saved my life (he has bp himself). we can be nothing more than friends & have dealt with that, but still, his wife knows I have strong feelings for him. he has to be really careful or she could leave him (it could trigger her to leave, but it's because of problems they have already had before I met him). & take his two young daughters (his life). plus a new baby on the way! they are still in shock, I am in shock, they Never thought they would have another baby. the thing is, it hurts me. first off, he can't talk to me much for a while; he needs time & his wife doesn't like me much I suppose. (we are both jelous of eachother I guess, but in my heart I really do want to be close to her. she has helped me too.) and the other thing is, even though I'm friends with him I'm sooo in love with him. but it's been going ok, I can handle that part. the new baby bothers me, it hurt so much when I found that out. I just wished I could have shared my life with him instead of her, and they're not even real close, thought about divorce a few times but never went through with it. why couldn't I have been her, loved him, had his children. that's what my heart has ached for. I know my time will come someday, but I truly Love him. I wasn't hurting over this stuff much until now, a new baby. so how am I supposed to handle my bp on top of all these feelings I have. I can't talk to anyone really, they would freak if they knew I was in love with him. and a therapist would probably think I was crazy when there is about 25 yr difference between me & this guy. I couldn't help falling in love with him. and it's not in my head or anything, he's felt just as much. too many feelings. how do I keep the depression seperate when it's hurt either way? & how can I go without talking to him when I used to pour my heart out almost every day. sorry this is so long, I just need some help I guess.
Posted by pandora on March 21, 2001, at 2:00:06
In reply to Hurting Bad, posted by storm on March 20, 2001, at 17:49:37
First of all, a therapist WON'T think you're crazy! I suggest you look into finding one, even if it's only for short-term counseling. A therapist can provide a realistic look at the situation with no emotions or history to get in the way, and can help in a way that friends and family usually can't.
Second, and you're not going to want to hear this, this is a no-win situation for you. These people have chosen to spend their lives together and have had the courage (from what you have written) to stick it out through some hard times... that's the way a marriage should be, after all. I know it's easy to look in from the outside (and you ARE on the outside, regardless of how close you are to this man or how much he shares with you) and see all the reasons they shouldn't be together, but there is obviously a lot, including 3 children, that keeps them from giving up on the relationship.
I know it's a great gift to find someone who can understand your situation and help you through the hard times of your illness, and it's easy to form strong attachments to these people, but pursuing a relationship with this man can only hurt you more than you are hurting now.
As difficult as it will be (and believe me, I'm not trying to minimize this), you will be better off accepting that this man is off limits and openning yourself up to finding someone who can be completely yours.
I hope you don't take this as a personal attack, but I know first hand how hopeless this kind of situation is and how much happier you can be once you move away from it and can focus on realistic relationships.
Best of luck.
Erin
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