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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Mr.Scott on May 18, 2001, at 16:08:10
Right now I am a sick bastard.. I'm not going anywhere though..just getting it all out so I can start anew tomorrow.
Feeling lonely Angry and sad,
To be with me now could only be bad.I sit here typing as the Ritalin slips away,
and the pains from the Prozac come a creeping to stay.The Prozac increases one transmitter and by doing such lowers another,
This causes muscle pain and stiffness like a real mother fucker.So the Ritalin goes to work and indeed the pains go, but only hours later I
am again feeling low.So unhappy I am and with and no where to turn,
please let me go now even if I shall burn.I am refusing your wishes as I can no longer stand,
What it is I have not asked for and what the world so demands.Soon I shall sleep for the first time in years,
with an end to the pain, and the incessant fears.I am not a bad person but indeed I'm depressed,
this fucker's clinical I'm not merely stressed.Oh sanitarium how sweet you would be,
months of drug trials I could finally see.But out of the question is the feeling I get,
the guilt, the expense, and the shame it would net.There is no answer and no solutions exist,
so without much regret I shall cease and desist.If it makes you feel better you can just call me weak,
but from my hole in the ground it is the strong that do speak.Tell the world in the event it may ask that this shit you call life was just
too great a task.
The Asshole
Posted by Marie1 on May 18, 2001, at 18:58:10
In reply to Today has been a bad day, posted by Mr.Scott on May 18, 2001, at 16:08:10
Mr Scott,
Your poem really touched me. I only wish you hadn't had to suffer so much pain to be able to write it.
Don't you hate it when people tell you you're "selfish" to kill yourself? I used to respond that I think they're selfish to insist I stick around when I'm in so much pain.
I honestly know how you feel and wish you a brighter tomorrow from the bottom of my heart.Marie
Posted by mair on May 18, 2001, at 22:32:58
In reply to Today has been a bad day, posted by Mr.Scott on May 18, 2001, at 16:08:10
>
>
> "But out of the question is the feeling I get,
> the guilt, the expense, and the shame it would net."
>
> Mr Scott - I'm sorry things are so awful. I have always thought exactly like you about hospitalization. A few months ago, it looked like it was going to be a necessary step for me, and when i started accepting that it maybe was necessary, I was able to imagine it as a not so awful alternative. I was really helped by the posts of some people on this board who talked about how freeing it could be to be cared for, and to give up the pretense of trying to handle it in isolation, and on your own. Fortunately, I managed to pass some invisible hurdle and things started looking up enough for me to keep myself out of the hospital. A strong factor in my feeling better was an extraordinarily slight meds change. It shocked me to discover that there were things that could be done when I was so certain that nothing could make me feel better. All of this has been the source of some unsolicited discussions lately with my therapist. Now that I'm a bit more stable, she's going back over what happened. When people ar as depressed as you sound, it's especially hard to think or feel positively and it seems your realistic alternatives are few. For me there is also always a huge fatigue factor, and you do sound fatigued. If you can get some help and ride this storm a bit longer without hurting yourself, hopefully someone will help you see that you do have reasonable alternatives. Good luck and keep posting. Mair
Posted by Mr.Scott on May 22, 2001, at 12:33:36
In reply to Today has been a bad day, posted by Mr.Scott on May 18, 2001, at 16:08:10
Thanks for the support! I try not to be so morbid, but it just comes out. If only I could figure out a way to profit from it I'd be rich. Today is a better day.
mr.scott
Posted by mair on May 22, 2001, at 22:00:26
In reply to Today is a better day, posted by Mr.Scott on May 22, 2001, at 12:33:36
> mr Scott - just think how awful it would be to generate that morbidity every day as a source of income! I'd far rather be able to hope that it will not always be there or that I'd be able to control its arrival and departure. Unfortunately, that is so tough for us to do. I'm glad you're feeling better. Mair
This is the end of the thread.
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