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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by NoTaPrEttyGirL on August 30, 2001, at 15:57:39
Hey-my girlfriend and I are just discovering that she might have BPD. She's going to be making an appointment with a counselor within the next week or so. I'm afraid though that we've adopted this "diagnosis" too soon and might be wrong...because it seems to fit her well aside from the cutting, addiction and promiscuity...but she even admitted that if she weren't with me and all alone she probably would follow suit to those symptoms as well...anyway--any advice from someone who's with someone with BPD or someone with BPD would be appreciated.
Thanks
Rachel
Posted by sar on August 30, 2001, at 18:52:26
In reply to Relationship with someone with BPD, posted by NoTaPrEttyGirL on August 30, 2001, at 15:57:39
i used to post alot on my hovering diagnosis of BPD, and if you go through the archives on PB, you'll find that someone named Elizabeth discusses BPD quite eloquently. so i'll leave the scientific aspect out of my post and just tell you my own experience.
my last psych and i discovered that i fit 5 or 6 of the criteria for BPD, so that would, i guess, officially qualify me for BPD. however, i lack the classic vitriolic anger of the borderline, i don't "split" (see things/people as purely good or bad, no in-between), and i'm pretty good with people (now that meds have assauged my social phobia).
i work in a bookstore, and we sell insane numbers of this book called *I Hate You, Don't Leave Me* and another called *Stop Walking on Eggshells,* both on BPD. i've read (and own) both of these books (i stole my copies--classic impulsivity!) so i feel weird when someone buys them or asks me to help them locate them. i always feel like i want to sit down and talk with them but of course i don't, there's no way i'm gonna say "hey, *i* have BPD too! wanna talk about it?" anyway, other posters and my psych think that BPD is a "trashcan" diagnosis, what some docs might call you if they don't like you or can't figure you out, that it is overdiagnosed, etc.
for awhile i did believe that i had BPD and read as much about it as i could. reading about the classic thoughts/behaviors/backgrounds of people with BPD helped me understand myself more, but now i'd no longer call myself "borderline." hell, that's not information i'm giving anyone...
the posters on babble often say that it's not the diagnosis that matters so much, but figuring out the best way to treat your symptoms. the more psychs i see, the more diagnoses i get heaped on top of me. my most recent: borderline, histrionic, bipolar II. it may have been because i showed up at the pdoc's office drunk in a skimpy shirt. it was just an off day... :)
there's a lot of information on the internet. many of them push the books i mentioned previously, and i think research helps, but i would read all of it with a very wary eye, especially the eggshells book.
i hope this helps. if you have any more questions, please ask, and i'm sure you'll get plenty of good answers.
sar
Posted by susan C on August 30, 2001, at 19:24:18
In reply to Relationship with someone with BPD, posted by NoTaPrEttyGirL on August 30, 2001, at 15:57:39
Hello Rachel,I am afraid this maybe a rather vague comment. I do not 'have' BPD. I just wanted to take some time to respond to your post. I use this forum for very selfish reasons, as a way to help me think. I have been diagnosed as Bipolar two and definately have swings from depression to intense activity (...today got me big time, watch out tomorrow...) What I want to say, is you describe your friend as your girl friend, and, if I may be so bold as to presume, you care very much for her? And, she, for you?
This, no matter what the struggle she has with her psychology, is so important. As a patient, I am and advocate for having a Medical Advocate, someone who can keep track of things. For me it is my spouse, he comes with me to all my appointments and contributes his observations and helps me when I am befuddled...which happens a lot(the befuddlement and the appointments).
I hope your friend and you find solutions, this board has been a considerable help to me when I have questions, it sits on my desk in my livingroom and is available all the time. Some of the comments here do not apply, some are confusing, some I do not believe, I take everything with a grain of salt and try to keep a mood chart and journal.
My best wishes to you and yours on your journey, do not give up.
Susan C.
Posted by KB on August 31, 2001, at 7:39:40
In reply to Relationship with someone with BPD, posted by NoTaPrEttyGirL on August 30, 2001, at 15:57:39
My girlfriend from college has been diagnosed with BPD and even though we are not together anymore, I consider her one of my best friends, so I have lots of thoughts on the subject.
First, I would approach the BPD diagnosis with caution - it's a label that has negative connotations to many mental health and medical personnel - as a counselor, I have seen professionals roll their eyes when hearing about a "borderline" patient - supposedly borderlines are demanding, difficult to treat, always doing things "for attention", and bullshit like that.
BPD has always seemed to me like a punitive or dismissive diagnosis - "I don't want to deal with this person and her disturbing behavior" - instead of looking into what has caused the behavior - for instance, many sexual abuse survivors and people with various dissociative disorders display all the symptoms you have mentioned in your post.
And there are the social factors - BDP is diagnosed primarily among women, and has taken on a lot of the associations of the "hysterical" woman of the past.
Anyway, before I write you a book, my two pieces of advice:
1) Don't overreact to her behavior - especially cutting can evoke a really visceral response. Don't ignore her completely, but be as calm and matter-of-fact as possible, because if you get flustered it will just add to the general level of emotion.
2) Be prepared for a lot of crises- life wirth a so-called Borderline is never dull and sometimes you just have to go with the flow and accept that plans may get changed at the last minute etc. Compromise where you can so that then you can hold on when it really matters.
Posted by Kristi on August 31, 2001, at 12:04:34
In reply to Relationship with someone with BPD, posted by NoTaPrEttyGirL on August 30, 2001, at 15:57:39
>
Wow... I'm posting like a crazy woman today. This doesn't have anything to do with your question seeing as I know zero about BPD.... but I don't like your name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it a joke?
Believe me.... I'm sure your beautiful.Hey-my girlfriend and I are just discovering that she might have BPD. She's going to be making an appointment with a counselor within the next week or so. I'm afraid though that we've adopted this "diagnosis" too soon and might be wrong...because it seems to fit her well aside from the cutting, addiction and promiscuity...but she even admitted that if she weren't with me and all alone she probably would follow suit to those symptoms as well...anyway--any advice from someone who's with someone with BPD or someone with BPD would be appreciated.
> Thanks
> Rachel
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