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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kid_A on November 21, 2001, at 14:56:06
Medication and life for me has had its ups, a few weeks of what seemed like life-back-on-track happiness... I felt like a new person... Sooner or later that facade cracks and I have a nervous breakdown, I do horrible things to myself...Now I'm at the point where I begin to think different, to try to detach myself from any connection I have with anyone whatsoever... Whenever I have a connection I always wind up getting hurt when my often invalid expectations are not met...
I'm finding that the only key to stability for me is to be as emotionless as possible... I can laugh and have a good time, but where before seeing someone I had fallen dearly in love with would send spikes of panic coursing through me, now I have no emotion whatsoever... When before there were people I couldn't live without, they seem to be expendable now...
I dont know if this is anything close to sanity, but the plateaux is much better than the horrible valley, that dead end of no return, of razors and broken telephones and inexplicable horror...
Maybe a life dullened by AD's/AP's/Anti anxiety drugs, sleeping pills, tryiclyics etc etc etc ad nauseum smooths you out to a flat plane, like sear at the horizon where the sky meets sea...
All I know is theres nothing like holding someone in your arms for a few fleeting seconds... To feel if only briefly, human.
Posted by Hod Putt on November 21, 2001, at 16:41:30
In reply to The key to happiness is having no emotion at all., posted by kid_A on November 21, 2001, at 14:56:06
I believe Joseph Campbell said that there are two angels that guard the gates to paradise (happiness?) One is fear and the other desire. Makes sense to me.
Posted by Fi on November 22, 2001, at 17:49:26
In reply to The key to happiness is having no emotion at all., posted by kid_A on November 21, 2001, at 14:56:06
Oh if only that was true!!! Life would be *so* much easier for people like me (and maybe you)? But if you shut off emotio.n you shut off happiness.
I would love social contact to be optional, too, rather than something we all need at least some of. But have reluctantly acknowledged that it is an essential. The idea of some hugs is great, but a lot harder to achieve than just ordinary sociable contact with people.
I get 6 hugs a year (visit my parents 3 times a year, so thats arriving and leaving , times two). I seem to have been a complete disaster on the close relationship front, which is a shame. But I find I can manage without that, but the more ordinary contact is essential.
So however tempting your theory may be, dont trust it! You risk getting stuck in blank misery.
fi
Posted by Anna Laura on November 23, 2001, at 3:47:03
In reply to The key to happiness is having no emotion at all., posted by kid_A on November 21, 2001, at 14:56:06
>
> Medication and life for me has had its ups, a few weeks of what seemed like life-back-on-track happiness... I felt like a new person... Sooner or later that facade cracks and I have a nervous breakdown, I do horrible things to myself...
>
> Now I'm at the point where I begin to think different, to try to detach myself from any connection I have with anyone whatsoever... Whenever I have a connection I always wind up getting hurt when my often invalid expectations are not met...
>
> I'm finding that the only key to stability for me is to be as emotionless as possible... I can laugh and have a good time, but where before seeing someone I had fallen dearly in love with would send spikes of panic coursing through me, now I have no emotion whatsoever... When before there were people I couldn't live without, they seem to be expendable now...
>
> I dont know if this is anything close to sanity, but the plateaux is much better than the horrible valley, that dead end of no return, of razors and broken telephones and inexplicable horror...
>
> Maybe a life dullened by AD's/AP's/Anti anxiety drugs, sleeping pills, tryiclyics etc etc etc ad nauseum smooths you out to a flat plane, like sear at the horizon where the sky meets sea...
>
> All I know is theres nothing like holding someone in your arms for a few fleeting seconds... To feel if only briefly, human.Hi Kid
You're last statement sounds quite contradictory with the rest of your mail.
Sounds like you don't really believe that you'd be content with feeling no emotion at all; it's just that you don't want to be disappointed with rejection anymore.
As far as i am concerned i'd prefer being desperate and heart broken rather than having no heart at all. I've been wrapped up in anhedonia for years by now and believe me, i'm really regretting the periods of my life when i felt desperate, sad and even horrified: anything is better then this vacuum, this tasteless eternity where you're separated from life; as far as you feel alive, no matter how bad you feel, there's always hope; when you're totally disconnected from life, up to the point your body doesn't even feel the pain, that's when you have to worry.
This is the end of the thread.
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