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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Roo on December 31, 2001, at 10:18:39
I had a really fun date with a guy I think I could really
like last night, and it left me feeling excited, but
neurotic. One of the things that triggered my negative
thoughts was he asked me "So are you happy being you?" or
something like that, and I was like "whoa....where did that
come from?" and then I felt a little defensive inside
because on some level I felt like if I answered "No,
a lot of times I'm not and I struggle with depression
pretty regularly" then I would be DISQUALIFIED, so to
speak. And yet you don't want to mention something like
that on the first date. I just ended up saying "I don't
know...I don't like to feel like I have to be Ms. Mary Sunshine
all the time or anything like that", and he said he didn't
really mean it like that, just was I basically at peace with
myself. Well. Gosh. I just said "sometimes I am and sometimes
I'm not". Which is a pretty honest answer. It just left me
with that horrible fear in the pit of my stomach that I
will be rejected because of this illness. That if he really
wants someone who's basically at peace with himself...I might
not fit the bill. I do have mood swings. I can get into negative
spaces. But to some degree...doesn't everyone? I guess having
depression, I might more than the average person. So I go back
and forth with this shit in my head, can't sleep, I guess the
bottom line is, he either accepts me the way I am or he doesn't
and I don't really have any control over that. But it's also
still so new and I don't want to get all bogged down in these
serious issues when we should just be having fun and getting to
know each other. God I feel neurotic. Now I'm afraid I'm going
to fuck everything up just because I'm neurotic....
Arugh. Anyone relate? Do tell!
Posted by Greg A. on January 1, 2002, at 13:21:34
In reply to Had a fun date but I'm feeling Neurotic!, posted by Roo on December 31, 2001, at 10:18:39
Hey Roo!
Guys usually don't pose questions like that unless the person genuinely interests them. Stick with the generic answers until you see more, and then decide how much dislosure he is ready for and how much you are prepared to reveal.
As to neurotic - who isn't???Greg
Posted by Roo on January 2, 2002, at 11:02:06
In reply to Re: Had a fun date but I'm feeling Neurotic!, posted by Greg A. on January 1, 2002, at 13:21:34
Thanks Greg--for the perspective. It really helps
to have a guy's perspective. He keeps asking me
out so he must like me. Plus, from what I gather
he's pretty neurotic too. Probably a better word
is complex.
Posted by shellir on January 2, 2002, at 12:20:38
In reply to Re: Had a fun date but I'm feeling Neurotic! Greg, posted by Roo on January 2, 2002, at 11:02:06
> Thanks Greg--for the perspective. It really helps
> to have a guy's perspective. He keeps asking me
> out so he must like me. Plus, from what I gather
> he's pretty neurotic too. Probably a better word
> is complex.
Hi Roo,I'm going to get on the bandwagon with Greg. I think giving simple but truthful answers like you did, keeps things honest, yet on a good light note. I have felt for most of my adult life (minus some very very bad periods), that the assets of my "complexity" make up for the deficits, in terms of having people like me and love me.
Shelli
Posted by wendy b. on January 2, 2002, at 14:38:27
In reply to Re: Had a fun date but I'm feeling Neurotic! Greg, posted by Roo on January 2, 2002, at 11:02:06
> Thanks Greg--for the perspective. It really helps
> to have a guy's perspective. He keeps asking me
> out so he must like me. Plus, from what I gather
> he's pretty neurotic too. Probably a better word
> is complex.... and then you'll find out he's been in major psychotherapy and is on a complex psychopharmaceutical cocktail... or something like that!
My advice, for what it's worth (not a hell of a lot!), is to hang tight, like the others have said. It's not that you're keeping something from him, but you have to feel comfortable, and you have to be able to trust. You don't know if you can trust a person after just a few dates.
As for being neurotic, another word for that is 'introspective,' right? Just try and take it easy, keep things 'lite' for a while. And enjoy yourself whenever possible!
best,
Wendy
Posted by Kristi on January 2, 2002, at 14:58:38
In reply to Re: Had a fun date but I'm feeling Neurotic! » Roo, posted by wendy b. on January 2, 2002, at 14:38:27
I agree with Wendy's first paragraph and have just been too busy to write. Maybe he's feeling you out????? Maybe something is wrong with him, and he's wondering how you'll take it?
Or..... maybe he had some bad past experience with someone who was?
Just a few thoughts. Take it slow..... that's the fun part anyway!
> > Thanks Greg--for the perspective. It really helps
> > to have a guy's perspective. He keeps asking me
> > out so he must like me. Plus, from what I gather
> > he's pretty neurotic too. Probably a better word
> > is complex.
>
> ... and then you'll find out he's been in major psychotherapy and is on a complex psychopharmaceutical cocktail... or something like that!
>
> My advice, for what it's worth (not a hell of a lot!), is to hang tight, like the others have said. It's not that you're keeping something from him, but you have to feel comfortable, and you have to be able to trust. You don't know if you can trust a person after just a few dates.
>
> As for being neurotic, another word for that is 'introspective,' right? Just try and take it easy, keep things 'lite' for a while. And enjoy yourself whenever possible!
>
> best,
> Wendy
Posted by ST on January 2, 2002, at 17:42:51
In reply to Had a fun date but I'm feeling Neurotic!, posted by Roo on December 31, 2001, at 10:18:39
HI Roo,
I just read your post and boy is THAT a dilemma for us medicated folk. But you say something quite wise there:
> >he either accepts me the way I am or he doesn't
and I don't really have any control over that > >That is so true. I finally reached a point a little over four years ago when I figured that if someone was scared away by me on any level, then WHY on earth would I want to be with them? It sounds so simple, but was really difficult for me to grasp. Because I'm so complex (aren't we all?) and suffer bouts of depression (I'm actually bi polar) and my mental and emotional state plays such a huge role in my life, how could I not find someone who accepts me totally and completely?
I met someone I liked and we became friends. As soon as it looked like there was romance brewing, I told him what was up with me. I didn't hold back. So when he proceeded to "woo" me further, I was able to relax and not dwell and obsess and worry. He already knew and was pursuing me anyway!
My point is that if he can't handle you - ALL of you - then why the hell would you want to be with him? The fun is finding someone who isn't scared off.
So I'm still with that guy - over four years later. He's seen me through stretches of inconsolable depression and anxiety and times when I wanted to die. And he's still here. I joke sometimes and say: "Hey, I warned you!"
Good luck,
Sarah
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