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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by IsoM on January 22, 2002, at 2:21:20
I'm not sure how many will find this humourous. I think you need to have a "science-bent" mind to see it as funny but I loved it. Every monthly issue of Scientific American has a humour article called "Anti-Gravity" by Steve Mirsky. All credit goes to him.
I almost feel guilty posting here now that I'm feeling so much better, but maybe a little humour helps from time to time.
A SCIENCE PRIMER FOR ANY READERS WHO RICHLY DESERVE TO GET TAUGHT A LESSON .......BY STEVE MIRSKY
News media revealed last November that notes and textbooks were found in an abandoned house in Kabul that indicated that a member of the Taliban was pursuing various lines of scientific exploration. His level of expertise was judged to be at best that of an undergraduate student in chemistry and physics, which is still good enough to make stuff blow up. (Trust me. I was a chemistry major. I know.) Particularly shocking to the staff here at Scientific American was evidence that the Talibaner apparently read this magazine: his discarded notes included references to the so-called plasma jet, a propulsion system designed for lengthy space trips that was described in detail in an article entitled "The VASIMR Rocket," in the November 2000 issue.
If his research goal was indeed to lead the Taliban on a voyage away from Earth, well, more power to him. (With the headline on the December day I write this being "Taliban Flees Last Stronghold in Afghanistan," it would appear that many of them already took the trip, courtesy of the U.S. military.)
We must conclude, however, that he was in fact interested in using the scientific information contained in these pages for nefarious purposes. That people with bad intent read this magazine puts us in an awkward situation. Despite the potential for applications we deplore, we must continue to disseminate the most current and accurate scientific information we can, for the greater good. Therefore, the rest of this space will be devoted to the presentation of various basic facts designed to bring nasty newcomers to the study of science up to speed, which is different from velocity (and from me, because velocity has a direction).
1. In Einstein's famous equation E = mc2, the mc stands for the introduction of his guests for the evening.
2. A watt is often the beginning of an interrogative sentence. Joules are what a nice sword is encrusted with. An erg is a desire.
3. A cotyledon was a late Triassic dinosaur with a brain the size of a seed.4. 3.14159 is a large piece of pi.
5. In computer language, binary code means that you owe one.
6. Greenwich mean time refers to four in the morning, when the bars close in New York City's West Village.
7. In electromagnetic energy, wavelength is defined as the speed of light divided by the frequency, Kenneth.
8. Entomology is the other one; you're thinking of etymology.
9. A Fourier transform is a mathematical manipulation by which a chinchilla turns into a coat.
10. The Bernoulli principle describes a flow of air that forces Mrs. Bernoulli to sleep in the guest bedroom.
11. Prime numbers are whatever Alan Greenspan says they are.12. Continental drift is when your limo wanders into oncoming traffic.
13. The Nobel Prize is an award given for the year's best door knocker.
14. The sine is the guy who gets a loan. The cosine is the guy who pays off the loan. The tangent is the guy in Rio who actually spends the money.
15. Parthenogenesis is the creation of Greek architecture.16. Anthropology is when your uncle has to say he's sorry to his wife. (This actually happens in some places.)
17. The hypotenuse is a type of syringe that holds 10 shots.
18. A ramjet is anyone who played football for the Rams and the Jets. The most famous ramjet is Joe Namath, who was an expert in field theory.
19. The force F with which you can pound something is equivalent to m, which stands for mallet, times a, which stands for the body part into which you should pound it.
20. The phalanges is a mighty river. The metatarsals are pouch-bearing mammals. And the humerus is working as hard as he can.
Posted by ELA on January 22, 2002, at 11:15:07
In reply to Anti-Gravity Humour, posted by IsoM on January 22, 2002, at 2:21:20
> 20. The phalanges is a mighty river. The metatarsals are pouch-bearing mammals. And the humerus is working as hard as he can.
>
and the islets of langerhans holiday destinations!
Posted by IsoM on January 22, 2002, at 12:33:10
In reply to Re: Anti-Gravity Humour, posted by ELA on January 22, 2002, at 11:15:07
Posted by Jonathan on January 22, 2002, at 23:36:48
In reply to Anti-Gravity Humour, posted by IsoM on January 22, 2002, at 2:21:20
Thanks for posting this - it really cheered me up :)
> I think you need to have a "science-bent" mind to see it as funny but I loved it.
So did I - no science graduate's mind could be more bent than mine.
> I almost feel guilty posting here now that I'm feeling so much better
I'm glad that you're so much better - you deserve your good fortune, having contributed so much to this community. However, you should never feel guilty about continuing to post when you feel well. We'd all miss you if you left us, and feeling better empowers you to help us even more.
I feel guilty for the opposite reason: nearly all the time I feel too ill, miserable, tired, apathetic, useless, uninspired, indecisive and perfectionist either to post here or to do anything else of value. Do you think that, if we bring them together, your guilt and mine will annihilate each other like matter and antimatter, converting all their mass m into the pure energy E = mc^2 that I so desperately need?
> maybe a little humour helps from time to time.
Not "maybe" but indubitably.
Your post reminds me of the Battle of Britain misinformation that the success of RAF pilots in intercepting Luftwaffe bombers on night raids was due not to a new secret weapon called radar, but to their superhuman night vision resulting from the high proportion of carrots in their diet. Perhaps we should be more tolerant towards those whose posts here are eulogies to implausible food supplements: they are only encouraging potential hijackers, ideologically prohibited from letting their women talk sense into them, to drink gallons of fish oil so that they may be detected at airports by specially trained sniffer cats =^..^=
> News media revealed last November that notes and textbooks were found in an abandoned house in Kabul that indicated that a member of the Taliban was pursuing various lines of scientific exploration. His level of expertise was judged to be at best that of an undergraduate student in chemistry and physics, which is still good enough to make stuff blow up. (Trust me. I was a chemistry major. I know.)
That's true: I taught chemistry to 11-18 year-olds a long time ago, before I drifted into the safer world of university mathematics. Some of my favourites among the experiments I devised and performed to capture my students' interest would these days certainly capture the interest of the Anti-terrorist Squad.
Dr Bob might block me in perpetuity if I told you how to dissolve xxxx in yyyy, pour the solution over finely ground zzzz, look disappointed that nothing has happened and leave the mixture in a relatively safe place, nonchalantly ignoring it and carrying on with the lesson until the solvent has evaporated. The explosion shook the entire building and, when the deputy headmaster arrived a few seconds later to see what had happened, the lab was filled with dense white smoke and Form 3 were hanging out of the window gasping for breath.
One of my favourite real schoolboy howlers is:
"Calcifuge - a machine for spinning out calcium".
Perhaps Al-Qa'eda botanists are now trying to breed genetically modified lime-hating plants in the hope that they will concentrate uranium-235 from a suitable soil instead of calcium and explode when they grow to a critical mass.
The security loophole which allowed Al-Qa'eda to acquire these undergraduate textbooks and computer technology has now been closed. When my wife ordered a computer online she had to click "yes" or "no" in answer to the following question:
"Will the product(s) be used in connection with weapons of mass destruction, i.e. nuclear applications, missile technology, or chemical or biological weapons purposes?"
She Who Must Be Obeyed truthfully answered "no", the vendor accepted her money and the death ray she is building in our garden shed will soon be ready to be launched into earth orbit.
And here's her favourite insight into everyday life in one of the still remaining Al-Qa'eda hideouts:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/graphics/2001/11/22/matt.gif
Jonathan.
Posted by ELA on January 23, 2002, at 12:34:56
In reply to Anti-Gravity Humour, posted by IsoM on January 22, 2002, at 2:21:20
As well as the islets of langerhans, how about a trip to the Wernicke's Area? Or a pleasant journey down the Alimentary Canal?
I love this kind of thing, keep them coming Iso!!!
Emma.
Posted by IsoM on January 23, 2002, at 13:11:41
In reply to thought of another one... » IsoM, posted by ELA on January 23, 2002, at 12:34:56
Emma, I can't take credit for the humour. It's from Scientific American, I'm only good at finding these humourous sites.
I like your two new ones! And now you've got me going though, so think I'll settle with my physiology book & see what I can find.
Would you be interested in cat humour too? I love cats & find there's lots funny about them too.
> As well as the islets of langerhans, how about a trip to the Wernicke's Area? Or a pleasant journey down the Alimentary Canal?
>
> I love this kind of thing, keep them coming Iso!!!
>
> Emma.
This is the end of the thread.
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