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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alley on February 8, 2002, at 21:25:02
well...tonight i took the liberty of cutting my rist..yes suicide free me since one year as of one month from today decided after a fight with her boyfriend that she couldnt take it anymore and wanted to see how much she could bleed...well anyway...thats not what im getting at...i need some input about other gunk pertaining to that...well considering im only 17...my parents had to take me to the hospital..considering my boyfriend called my parents line and told them my line was busy and he couldnt get through so of course my parents had to come and try to knock my door down to see what was happening to me...well anyway with all that said and done they couldnt do that the next thing i know theres a police man above me and hes asking me ten thousand questions and asking me if i mind going to the local hospital.
well while there it was decided that either i have two options...i can be hospitalized...something i have never been before....or agree to see a new therapist and cooperate at LEAST once a week if not more....
well heres the situation...i hate school...reason being i hate large amounts of people...i am a senior this year and because of this they took me out of my saftey net classes...stupid school policy should realize that people have special needs for reasons but then again thats why they have special needs...because its people like them that cant meet up to them..but anyhow...so im in these classes with like 20-30 kids..and thats kind of hectic for me..and as ive posted before im in a MAJORLY hectic relationship with my boyfriend so im thinking maybe its a good idea to get hospitalized to get some time away from all this and have a time out and at the same time meet some new people who are going through the same types of things as me....but then theres option number two...which is sort of impratical...i mean i see my p-doc once a month...i cant seem to stick to a therapist...for reasons i cant seem to explain to myself...well anyway...i kinda dont know what to do and my parents and the doctor that saw me before i left the hospital tonight made me promise to tell my boyfriend that i would tell him i would take time away from him...but i dont know how to tell him that...and im soo afraid to be the one to do that after all weve been through especially in a time like this...well i really hope someone can help give some feedback or input even though thats basically the same thing and im sorry i rambeled so long but it kind of felt good to do that considering this is psychosocialbabble and all and i did pretty much babble my way out of that gut uckky feeling i was just feeling...well thanks...8o)
Posted by IsoM on February 8, 2002, at 23:50:46
In reply to oyee...in need of some feedback again...please, posted by alley on February 8, 2002, at 21:25:02
Alley, I wouldn't presume to suggest to you what the best option would be but consider this...
When my oldest son was in his senior year at school, it all came apart for him. He'd had depression problems in the past but this was too much. He decided he couldn't handle it, even at home, & went to the hospital. It was in the psychiatric ward of a large city hospital.
He spent 5 weeks there. Every time I went to see him, it pained me so to see all the others there. Some were there for depression like him, one young man was schizophrenic, one was an older Oriental woman who had been a doctor but shuffled around all day, another was a pretty, very anorexic young woman. Somehow, I felt it wasn't productive for him to be around so many obviously sick people. I think my motherly, protective concerns were kicking in.
But as he improved, they gave him his street clothes back, then starting extending more privileges including walks around the beautiful university grounds (a university/city hospital). As we talked & walked, he said being around the other patients opened up his eyes in many ways (he's a mature sort to begin with), the different programs enabled him to see how others faced life & helped develop an empathy in him he doubts he'd have otherwise.
Hospital may not be for you, but it can give you a break from "your reality" & help you see it in light of other's reality instead. This was his experience - perhaps it may not help you.
Posted by alley on February 9, 2002, at 10:20:21
In reply to Re: oyee...in need of some feedback again...please » alley, posted by IsoM on February 8, 2002, at 23:50:46
> Alley, I wouldn't presume to suggest to you what the best option would be but consider this...
>
> When my oldest son was in his senior year at school, it all came apart for him. He'd had depression problems in the past but this was too much. He decided he couldn't handle it, even at home, & went to the hospital. It was in the psychiatric ward of a large city hospital.
>
> He spent 5 weeks there. Every time I went to see him, it pained me so to see all the others there. Some were there for depression like him, one young man was schizophrenic, one was an older Oriental woman who had been a doctor but shuffled around all day, another was a pretty, very anorexic young woman. Somehow, I felt it wasn't productive for him to be around so many obviously sick people. I think my motherly, protective concerns were kicking in.
>
> But as he improved, they gave him his street clothes back, then starting extending more privileges including walks around the beautiful university grounds (a university/city hospital). As we talked & walked, he said being around the other patients opened up his eyes in many ways (he's a mature sort to begin with), the different programs enabled him to see how others faced life & helped develop an empathy in him he doubts he'd have otherwise.
>
> Hospital may not be for you, but it can give you a break from "your reality" & help you see it in light of other's reality instead. This was his experience - perhaps it may not help you.thanks...thats really reassuring to hear what a positive experience it can be for both sides...especially after my mom breaking down last night and nearly breaking down every day...i dont think shes very good at coping with the whole teenage problem thing...but i guess i should learn to first...oh well...
i had one more question...was there some type of way he had his school work sent there? or did did he just make that up later on? thats my only concern cause i dont want to be behind since im supposed to graduate this year...
last night the doctor also suggested this IDT program that my school is in correlation with..and it sounded pretty good..but its all the basics...and that got me thinking how sad i would be to leave all my classes...yea theyre big but i have my best classes this year theyre not going to have painting, poetry, psych, portfolio,ceramics, forenic sciences...and like i dont know i worked three years to get to take those elective kinda classes when i wanted to and now its kinda like down the drain cause people dont know how to control themselves in a classroom...oh well...thats why maybe i have to learn to control myself when they cant do that... thanks again for the feedback...8o)
Posted by IsoM on February 9, 2002, at 13:16:06
In reply to thanks IsoM 8o), posted by alley on February 9, 2002, at 10:20:21
> > "...thanks...thats really reassuring to hear what a positive experience it can be for both sides...especially after my mom breaking down last night and nearly breaking down every day...i dont think shes very good at coping with the whole teenage problem thing...but i guess i should learn to first...oh well...
> i had one more question...was there some type of way he had his school work sent there? or did did he just make that up later on? thats my only concern cause i dont want to be behind since im supposed to graduate this year...> last night the doctor also suggested this IDT program that my school is in correlation with..and it sounded pretty good..but its all the basics...and that got me thinking how sad i would be to leave all my classes...yea theyre big but i have my best classes this year theyre not going to have painting, poetry, psych, portfolio,ceramics, forenic sciences...and like i dont know i worked three years to get to take those elective kinda classes when i wanted to and now its kinda like down the drain cause people dont know how to control themselves in a classroom...oh well...thats why maybe i have to learn to control myself when they cant do that... thanks again for the feedback...8o)"
Alley, my son was too unfocused to be able to do schoolwork at the hospital, though it might have been possible - we never checked into it. He has an outstanding memory, but when depressed, it really suffers. He had the chance to make up his classes afterwards, but a glitch developed because of one arrogant, bitchy English teacher. He had to write a long essay which he did (I read it) but his instructor lost it. She tried to save face by saying he never did it. I was outraged but controlled myself & tried to reason with her, but to no avail. She expected him to do another. He was just recovering & felt so demoralised by it (his honesty is impeccable & she basically said he was lying & never did it). He never did get his diploma. No matter. He entered university without it & is currently working towards his bachelor's.
I'd suggest talking (get your Mom or Dad to be your advocate too) with a couple of understanding teachers who like you & your work about working out a plan for you. When I opened with some of the teachers, they opened up right back & understood. Most of them are parents & some have children who've encountered various difficulties too. Most really want to help as much as possible. The teachers can work through the principal to tailor classes or programs for you. Hopefully, you don't live in some backwoods, or red-neck area that refuses to make adjustments for students.
I don't know what an IDT program is, sorry. Not familiar with that acronym. I dislike being in crowded classes at times. I find that if I pick my seat carefully - generally off in one back or front corner - I don't feel so 'crowded' or nervous. Would that help with you at all?
Weird, but I found it easier to relate to my sons as teenagers than when they were little. I think my teen years are still very strong in y memory even if they're decades ago. I remember it being an angst-ridden time for me with my Mom having no clue what was going on in my head, & a harsh & fault-finding father making everyone's life hell.
Posted by Fi on February 9, 2002, at 15:36:18
In reply to oyee...in need of some feedback again...please, posted by alley on February 8, 2002, at 21:25:02
Like IsoM, I would stress its *your* decision.
On the feedback level, I noticed you said on option 2:
>option number two...which is sort of impratical...i mean i see my p-doc once a month...i cant seem to stick to a therapist...for reasons i cant seem to explain to myself. >And that a *lot* is going on for you, and that you've just cut. Which tends to lean towards giving option 1- hospitalisation- a shot. Presumably you can change your mind, say, after a couple of weeks if you change your mind?
You cant guarantee what the other patients/clients will have been going thru, but at least some of them should have some empathy/sympathy.
Whichever you choose, it seems a bit hard for you to be expected to take decisive action on your relationship just now- why the rush? Better to wait till life feels a little less chaotic.
I do hope you do find a therapist who is useful and who you feel comfortable to stay with, in the longer term. Howsabout option 1 followed by option 2 once life is better?
Glad you psychobabbled and good luck, whatever you choose.
Fi
Posted by christophrejmc on February 10, 2002, at 1:41:42
In reply to thanks IsoM 8o), posted by alley on February 9, 2002, at 10:20:21
> i had one more question...was there some type of way he had his school work sent there? or did did he just make that up later on? thats my only concern cause i dont want to be behind since im supposed to graduate this year...One of the hospitals I went to allowed me to keep current with class assignments. You might wanna check before hand.
> last night the doctor also suggested this IDT program that my school is in correlation with..and it sounded pretty good..but its all the basics...and that got me thinking how sad i would be to leave all my classes...yea theyre big but i have my best classes this year theyre not going to have painting, poetry, psych, portfolio,ceramics, forenic sciences...and like i dont know i worked three years to get to take those elective kinda classes when i wanted to and now its kinda like down the drain cause people dont know how to control themselves in a classroom...oh well...thats why maybe i have to learn to control myself when they cant do that... thanks again for the feedback...8o)
I don't know what IDT is, but I was in the "EI" (emotionally impaired) program in high school. I could still take my AP & other "normal" classes, but I suppose every school has different policies.
I think hospitalisation can be quite helpful (especially when it's your choice!) -- just make sure it's a good program. In my experience, the ones connected to regular hospitals are best; the others can be depressing, especially for a teenager.
Good luck, whatever you choose to do.
-Christophre
Posted by cmcdougall on February 11, 2002, at 15:44:41
In reply to Re: hospitalisation questions » alley, posted by christophrejmc on February 10, 2002, at 1:41:42
Hi,
Reading your posts reminded me of my own teenage years. I am 45 years old, but in my head I still feel 17.
I started high school in 1969 - a GREAT year. We had a new kind of rock and roll, birthcontrol pills, and free love (and no AIDS or herpes). We wanted to make love, not war, so there was a real attitude of non-violence. I never went to school worried about someone bringing a firearm - that would have been totally uncool.
Even though society was very different then, most things are still the same. All the angst, pressures, and family problems that plague teens today, plagued me as well. I don't know why, but it seems that most adults tend to minimize the problems and feelings that they had as teenagers. Maybe they don't want to remember because it is too painful. My brother and sister-in-law had LOTS of challenges and problems in highschool, yet they act as if they don't have a clue when dealing with their own teenage daughter. Both of them did a lot of drug experimentation back then, but have never discussed it w/ my niece (their daughter who is now 18). When I bring it up, they get mad or act like they don't remember any such thing. I think a lot of adults are like this. My own mother got pregnant w/ me and had to drop out of school to get married. She still acts as if she was the perfect little girl with no problems growing up. (?????) Her own mother (my grandmother) has told me some stories about her that are zingers!
Has anyone ever told you that this is the easiest time of your life? That is a big, fat, LIE. This is the HARDEST time of your life. I can't even imagine how awful I'd feel now being forced to go to school to learn things I'm not interested in, and then be TESTED on it. Yuck. Yes, as adults we have to go to a job in order to enjoy life but it is our choice. If we hate our jobs, we can always quit and look for something else.
Anyway, the point I want to make is that life gets so much better when you can make all your own choices. I'm not saying that I haven't made stupid choices that have given me problems as an adult, oh no, far from it, but at least I have the privilege of making the choice and I have opened my mind and learned a LOT from my mistakes. The "School of Hard Knocks" is an excellent teacher. I still suffer from depression (in remission while my current med cocktail keeps working), I still have trouble w/ cutting (limited to mutilating my cuticles now), and I still make stupid choices, but at least I am in control... And I'm still learning. Each day brings a new lesson, some more fun than others.
Oh my gosh, if I could go back and be 17 again knowing what I know now, what a bunch of different choices I would make. The first one would be to forget about the crummy boyfriends I had back then. What losers! I ended up marrying one of them and endured a marital hell for 16 years before I finally dumped him. My advice to you - dump your boyfriend. There must be 50 ways to leave your lover (thats an old song by Paul Simon).
I don't know what to tell you about going into the hospital - maybe it would be good for you, but maybe not... Please try to work real hard w/ your therapist. If you have a bad attitude about it, get a different one. Try to find one that uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. CBT is a FAST way of learning to understand why we feel and act the way we do. Once I was able to figure WHY I was doing something, it was easier to change.
Is there any way that you could find a mentor? I think if you had an adult in your life that wasn't an authority figure, someone who knows a little about mental illness, it could be a great resource for you. I mentor a young woman and we have a pretty good relationship. She feels free to talk to me about things that she probably never talked to anyone else about. For some reason when I give her hell about things (like sex, drugs, boys, etc.), it doesn't bother her so much. She also knows that I can't be disappointed in her, like a parent can.
You are young and have your whole future in front of you... That is such a precious thing to cherish. Use it carefully because it is gone before you know it. I am in the "old age" of my youth. Or the "youth" of my old age. LOL. Life just keeps getting better and better. Note that I did not say it gets easier, it just gets better! My 20's were hard, my 30's were a little better, and my 40's have been the best years yet. When I turned 40, I suddenly felt like a grown-up. I started dressing the way I felt most comfortable (like the old hippie I am), I speak what's really on mind, and I quit worrying what everybody else thinks of me! I'm even looking forward to my 50's.
Alley, use your youth up carefully. My blessings and best wishes are sent your way. You will have a happy life.
Carly
>
> > i had one more question...was there some type of way he had his school work sent there? or did did he just make that up later on? thats my only concern cause i dont want to be behind since im supposed to graduate this year...
>
> One of the hospitals I went to allowed me to keep current with class assignments. You might wanna check before hand.
>
> > last night the doctor also suggested this IDT program that my school is in correlation with..and it sounded pretty good..but its all the basics...and that got me thinking how sad i would be to leave all my classes...yea theyre big but i have my best classes this year theyre not going to have painting, poetry, psych, portfolio,ceramics, forenic sciences...and like i dont know i worked three years to get to take those elective kinda classes when i wanted to and now its kinda like down the drain cause people dont know how to control themselves in a classroom...oh well...thats why maybe i have to learn to control myself when they cant do that... thanks again for the feedback...8o)
>
> I don't know what IDT is, but I was in the "EI" (emotionally impaired) program in high school. I could still take my AP & other "normal" classes, but I suppose every school has different policies.
>
> I think hospitalisation can be quite helpful (especially when it's your choice!) -- just make sure it's a good program. In my experience, the ones connected to regular hospitals are best; the others can be depressing, especially for a teenager.
>
> Good luck, whatever you choose to do.
>
> -Christophre
Posted by Noa on February 12, 2002, at 18:15:01
In reply to oyee...in need of some feedback again...please, posted by alley on February 8, 2002, at 21:25:02
Sounds like it is worth looking into the hospitalizaiton option anyway. And, yes, most hospitals and schools can coordinate so that the school faxes material to the hospital and they have a teacher to work with you there, or the public school system sends an itinerant teacher to work with you.
Another thought, perhaps for after you get out of the hospital, if you go in....Can you do your senior year in two years instead of one? What I mean is, slow the whole thing down so you aren't loaded up with challenging, large group classes? Maybe you would be able to handle a lighter load of classes spread out longer. And maybe there are other activities that you might want to pursue alonside school that would benefit you (part time job or volunteer work, not to mention therapy, of course).
Why was changing therapists part of decision posed to you by the police/your parents?
Finally, your boyfriend did a good thing by calling your parents.
ANd btw, what is that high school program you referred to (I can't remember the exact acronym)?
Posted by alley on February 12, 2002, at 19:42:28
In reply to oyee...in need of some feedback again...please, posted by alley on February 8, 2002, at 21:25:02
i just wanted to thank everyone for the advice and input...these past few days have been anything but easy...i saw my current p-doc and he put me on new meds(upped my adderallXR to 60mg in the am with 20mg celexa and then my regualar 100 mg of topamax and 10mg of ambien at night)...it was good to talk to him i guess...but awkward as i figured it wouldve been because he had questions and i didnt have answers...
well in the end result he thinks i should be able to tough out the four more months in public school...ill be graduating soon...but i really disagree...i dont see why i should have to suffer if there are other options...and if im willing...hell ive put up with that place and those people for so long its amazing ive gotten the grades ive got...
so tonight is meet the teacher night since the new semester just started...my dad decided to take the liberty of going...hes going to tell my teachers im not going to be there for a while...and that may or may not change and if they want to they can have my work sent home...if anything changes they will be notified...
as for the IDT(Intensive Day Treatment)...were going to check into it after i see my new therapist on thurs.(great way to spend valentines day huh?)
ive been talking to my boyfriend every so often...and hes been more supportive then ever...which is a definite plus...but i havent seen him...after everythings taken care of thurs. my parents and p.doc said i can see him later that night...
i think things are going to work for the best but will just take time...i just dont like the feeling of wanting to sleep all day...and when im not sleeping the only thing i do is my artwork...i feel the days arent productive and i feel bad..oh well...anyway....thanks again everyone ill be updating...8o)
This is the end of the thread.
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