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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Penny on March 12, 2002, at 12:29:56
(Okay, so I'm not trouble or many of the other poets on PSB...)
Torment. Emotions ravage my soul.
Like a storm-filled sky waiting to burst forth an ocean of pain, sorrow and anger.
Sunshine is hidden by the blackened clouds.
And yet I wait, hoping for a glimpse.
Wondering when it will return, and hoping, next time, it decides to stay a while.
And yet, folks, I'm not sure right now when this is going to end. I wish I could stop this rollercoaster of emotion I'm on!!!I'm counting the days 'til my therapist's return from maternity leave (5 weeks and counting!) and have decided to not see the 'interim' therapist anymore, as I really don't like her style of therapy. Been feeling like she was trying to push me through my attachment issues to my 'real' therapist, but I don't really want to deal with them right now. Is there something really really wrong with feeling a strong connection with your therapist? I mean, it's not as though I don't realize that our relationship has to remain a 'professional' one of sorts...she's the therapist and I'm the client. But she allows me to feel nurtured when I'm with her, which is something I totally didn't have growing up. Therapist #2's opinion is that until I "mourn the loss of my childhood" I'm going to continue my rollercoaster ride. I think there's something to that, but I think there's something physiological involved as well! Am I wrong??? Am I paying my psychiatrist for nothing?
I dunno...just had to get that out there. I'm so tired of this road I'm on and hoping that I'm not heading downhill even more right now. I recently had a few good days, but the depressed state keeps returning. Big surprise.
Penny
Posted by beardedlady on March 12, 2002, at 14:23:15
In reply to Torment..., posted by Penny on March 12, 2002, at 12:29:56
Penny:
I'd give the interim therapist a chance. Maybe she has some good advice, maybe not. But you said yourself that she could be right. Isn't it better to have someone to turn to for five weeks than to have no one for five weeks?
I just changed my primary care physician on my insurance card because I'm getting a new doctor in two weeks, and I'm not happy with my old one. But I told them to wait until the day before that appointment before it goes into effect, because what if I need a doctor between now and then? Even though I'm not happy with him, I know he will take care of me if I need a doctor.
Cover all your bases. I think you're pretty lucky that you get a chance to hear two opinions. Lots of us wish for that.
I would never recommend sticking with a therapist that does you harm or that you don't like at all, but it seems you are more upset that she's not mothering you.
bearded lady : )>
Posted by Penny on March 12, 2002, at 14:56:57
In reply to Re: Torment..., posted by beardedlady on March 12, 2002, at 14:23:15
Thanks for your thoughts.
I left it open that I could call if I need to make an appointment to see her. And, fortunately, I really like my new pdoc and have been seeing him every week. While it's not full-out therapy, he's much more attentive than other pdocs I've been to, so I do feel like I'm checking in with someone.
Yeah, I do think part of the problem is that she's much more 'to the point' than my other therapist and doesn't provide the same nurturing feeling. And perhaps that's good in some respects, but at the same time, I've left her office feeling much more unsettled than I was before I got there. And I guess that's what I don't want to deal with right now. It's hard, b/c she only knows part of the story, whereas my other therapist has treated me for two years. And the interim therapist really wants me to deal with my 'transference' issues, but I'm just not sure I can right now. I don't want to open up to her. So I'm stepping back somewhat and reevaluating my situation.
Penny
Posted by mair on March 12, 2002, at 16:07:50
In reply to Re: Torment... » beardedlady, posted by Penny on March 12, 2002, at 14:56:57
Penny
As with most things, I can see 2 sides to this.
Several years ago my pdoc, who was also my therapist, left for several months. At the time, I was also ocassionally seeing a woman therapist in his office, and he insisted that I continue to see her in his absence. I also found out however, that his practice was splintering and that this woman therapist was leaving with several other therapists - the parting was not altogether amicable.
While my pdoc was gone I found myself feeling very equivocal about therapy and I spent alot of time trying to work through some of this with the "substitute" therapist. I think, in retrospect, that I was looking for some validation of all of the work I had done with my pdoc, and she just wasn't giving it to me, either because she didn't understand what I was really trying to talk about, or (my thought) she was just so pissed at this guy over work issues and was letting this cloud her judgment. Rightly or wrongly, I chose the second answer and decided that she was extremely unprofessional.
The upshot was that by the time my pdoc got back I was furious with both of them - her for being so unprofessional, and the both of them for not communicating better with one another overe what was going on with me. Shortly after my pdoc came back I told him I wanted to take a break from therapy. I went back to him later but really just for periodic updates - we never really reestablished a real therapeutic relationship, and I never really cleared the air with him about what really went on.
When you first wrote about this, my inclination was to think that having a contact while your other therapist was gone was a good thing. I'm not sure however that it's good to discuss with a substitute therapist your relationship with a therapist that you know you're going back to.
I felt like I was stuck in the middle and it ended up hurting my relationship with both.
Your situation may be nothing like mine, so I almost hesitate to tell you my story, but I do think that situations like the one you're facing can undermine the relationship you're trying to preserve.
Mair
Posted by Penny on March 12, 2002, at 22:12:47
In reply to Re: Torment..., posted by mair on March 12, 2002, at 16:07:50
Mair,
My case is a little different from yours in that the interim therapist is a colleague of my therapist, but they are not in the same practice. I get the feeling that they are friends in some ways, and that kinda freaks me out a little. Not sure what my 'real' therapist had in mind, other than that she was concerned b/c I have been going through this major depression for so long now and she didn't want to leave me hanging for the time she was out. And I respect & appreciate that.
I guess what I'm frustrated about, tho', is that my therapist tells me that my "transference issues" are perfectly normal & that it's all a process and that at some point I will get to a place where I don't "need" her as much. That I will get better...whatever that means. And she's been doing this for 20 years, so I assume she knows what she's talking about. I was worried, and had talked with her about it, that I was 'too dependent' or 'too attached' to her, and she told me that (again) my feelings toward her were perfectly normal and that she was glad that I had learned to trust her, since trust is my biggest issue. And, truly, she's the only person in my life I trust completely.
But the interim therapist, though she says that my transference issues are normal, makes me feel like I should rush to get through this, that this is what's holding me back, etc. etc. So, somewhat conflicting opinions. She said to me in our last meeting that I "didn't want to be in therapy forever." Well, no, I guess not, but I don't want to think right now about ending therapy either! It's just too much to take in with everything else going on!
I understood that she was trying to set a very precise goal for us to work toward in our limited time together, but now I'm thinking that maybe I need to prove to myself that I can survive without weekly therapy & then, maybe, I can go back into therapy with a renewed desire to work on some of this crap I continue to deal with...
Unfortunately, this day has been the day from hell and I'm really really afraid that I'm quickly slipping downhill again. I know this feeling all too well. But I see my pdoc tomorrow, so we'll see what he has to say...
Thanks for your insight!
Penny
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