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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on March 20, 2002, at 17:34:18
What a day I have had.
Posted by Dinah on March 20, 2002, at 18:08:44
In reply to Chat is open., posted by Dinah on March 20, 2002, at 17:34:18
I can see where I get my tendency towards anxiety and catastrophizing. I got a call from my mom that my father's doctor had called and told him he had cancer. No maybes, definitely. My father is sure he's dying. (Of course he's been saying that since he was 38 and I was 6. He said life ends at 40 and he was going to die any minute and he didn't care because life wasn't worth living after you got old anyway. And of course as a six year old I took him completely literally.)
A couple of phone calls later I find out that all the doctor had actually said was that he had blood in his urine and that it could be one of several things, three of the possibilities being cancer. They are always doing that to me. I should learn not to believe what they say, but I must be dense. Worst part is, with my mom at least, I really don't think she does it from genuine anxiety. She seems to thoroughly enjoy being in the midst of a catastrophe. Please let me not do that to my son. PLEASE, God, let me not do that to my son.
Posted by IsoM on March 20, 2002, at 19:27:27
In reply to Re: Really need to vent., posted by Dinah on March 20, 2002, at 18:08:44
Dinah, I've still got fire-walls up & won't go in & change things as my son set them up himself. I'll get him to do it when he's not busy (if ever).
You won't do that to your son - your resolve won't let you. He's too young to draw into your concern now, but when he grows & you know he can handle it, ask him to let you know if he ever thinks you may be doing this to him.
I didn't want to repeat mistakes my parents (esp my father) had done & asked my sons to let me know - just gentle reminders, nothing that would make them feel overburdened for being responsible for me. It worked well.
Posted by trouble on March 20, 2002, at 19:36:52
In reply to Re: Really need to vent., posted by Dinah on March 20, 2002, at 18:08:44
> I can see where I get my tendency towards anxiety and catastrophizing. I got a call from my mom that my father's doctor had called and told him he had cancer. No maybes, definitely. My father is sure he's dying. (Of course he's been saying that since he was 38 and I was 6. He said life ends at 40 and he was going to die any minute and he didn't care because life wasn't worth living after you got old anyway. And of course as a six year old I took him completely literally.)
> A couple of phone calls later I find out that all the doctor had actually said was that he had blood in his urine and that it could be one of several things, three of the possibilities being cancer. They are always doing that to me. I should learn not to believe what they say, but I must be dense. Worst part is, with my mom at least, I really don't think she does it from genuine anxiety. She seems to thoroughly enjoy being in the midst of a catastrophe. Please let me not do that to my son. PLEASE, God, let me not do that to my son.
Hi Dinah,No wonder you're uncomfortable w/ ambiguity. This kind of game-playing is crazy-making, it destroys a child's sense of reality-testing and my psychologist says it's extremely resistant to "extinguishment." Very clear, my psychologist.
When I catch someone doing this kind of crazy-making on me I become speechless w/ shaking fury, and I won't calm down.take care,
trouble
Posted by Dinah on March 21, 2002, at 8:38:39
In reply to Re: Really need to vent., posted by Dinah on March 20, 2002, at 18:08:44
After a Klonopin and a night's sleep, I have a bit more perspective. I am even starting to choose to see this with the humor it deserves. Because that IS my mom being my mom. I should have known better. In fact, I did keep in mind that she was probably exaggerating, it's just the extent of this exaggeration that got to me.
You're right IsoM. I will ask my son, as he gets older, to let me know when I'm messing up. And knowing my son he'll tell me, very politely. But I probably won't make him crazy in this particular way. I'll have my own ways of making him crazy.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. It's a whole lot more healthy than the imploding I usually do.
Posted by IsoM on March 21, 2002, at 12:38:57
In reply to Re: Thanks for letting me vent., posted by Dinah on March 21, 2002, at 8:38:39
Dinah, you & your little boy are very dear to my heart. You've both struck a chord with me - perhaps I partly see myself when I was younger with my children. Humour is a great safety valve. I think maybe that's why I've become somewhat of a clown. I'll never make a great, graceful lady so I stick to being what I am - a somewhat klutzy, bit of a buffoon but still somehow a lady, regardless. And I enjoy it much more. Dear Dinah!
Posted by Dinah on March 22, 2002, at 9:29:38
In reply to Re: Thanks for letting me vent. » Dinah, posted by IsoM on March 21, 2002, at 12:38:57
Thanks for the kind words, IsoM. It is very clear you are a graceful lady, a funny one, but full of grace.
I have been having an internal struggle about the decision to have humor about the situation since I cancelled my extra therapy session. My emotional side does not at all appreciate my decision to regard my mom with humor. It wants to get darn angry before I manage to disembowel the experience of all emotion. My emotional self apparently feels quite strongly on the subject. I don't get it myself. My mom is my mom. There's no use getting upset over what you can't change.
But this is the topic for therapy, not this board. So I reinstated my extra therapy session. My emotional self is a real brat.
This is the end of the thread.
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