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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by hmt on April 12, 2002, at 15:54:16
I've recently graduated from a university where I was seeing this counselor - C. I saw C for three years and she helped me through some really tough things and saw me through the depths of my depression. Since I graduated, I can't see C anymore. I had to leave.
It just really sucks. I miss her so much. Saying goodbye to her just hurts more than I ever thought possible.
When I was with her I really felt like she cared about me, and she even let me hug her at the end of our sessions. It felt so wonderful to be in her arms. This sounds kind of stupid, but I think that in my heart she came to represent the kind of mother I never had. I've cried myself to sleep many times wishing she could hold me again.
Of course I cognitively understand that, that's not possible. I've found a new counselor - J, and I've tried to talk to J about C, but she doesnt' seem to get it.
Has anyone else experienced this? Were C and I too close? I feel really abandoned, but I know that's not true.
I don't know. . .I'm just really sad, lonely and confused about the whole thing.
I'm just wondering if anyone else out there has been through this.
hmt
Posted by Willow on April 12, 2002, at 16:36:12
In reply to Breaking up is hard to do, posted by hmt on April 12, 2002, at 15:54:16
My past was an E, and very supportive; helped me through a time when I was both suicidal and young. (Now reflecting back I wonder if I just used her. And does this make me a user? Even though I can't recall much from the sessions, I do wonder how much affect she had on the person I became?) The last time I reached out to her was during a low moment and I learnt that she had moved on. I still recall being put on hold when I requested her, and then my present psych coming on, identifying himself, and asking if he could help. My answer no I'll deal with it. And I did for 15 years, and then found myself asking for his help, and have been receiving it for the past five years.
He's not E, but then I'm not the child who asked E questions and accepted her support. I think he's listened patiently whenever her name has come up and then at other times he's questioned what I learnt from her. And I guess what I've learnt that our therapists are not our friends. They are like teachers trying to prepare us for our futures.
Just another of my my many ramblings. I can't quite remember what the question was?
Whistling Willow
Posted by Fi on April 12, 2002, at 17:05:15
In reply to Breaking up is hard to do, posted by hmt on April 12, 2002, at 15:54:16
I havent experienced this personally, but have heard of similar experiences. Seeing the counsellor as a loving parent can be a completely normal part of some therapy. But what *should* happen ideally is that you then get the confidence, with the support of your counsellor, to build up your independence from them again.
So you have the experience of the closeness and security, but arent dependant on the counsellor to be OK- you are more self- sufficient.
Seems that second bit didnt happen in your case,for whatever reason. So understandable it was really painful.
As an outsider, it makes me wonder if the counsellor couldnt have handled it better- she would know what was happening, and that the time was definitely limited, and should have had the skills to try and help you move on.
But that is a comment as an outsider- it may have been more complicated.
Sounds tough- take care.
Fi
Posted by KB on April 14, 2002, at 9:01:40
In reply to Re: Breaking up is hard to do » hmt, posted by Fi on April 12, 2002, at 17:05:15
I had a therapist have to move suddenly across the country which was very upsetting.
I think when there's an external timeframe imposed on therapy it prevents a natural separation process from occurring.
It's a loss, just lik any other, so you'll find yourself grieving, but eventually you'll start to feel better, even though sometimes you'll probably still get that I-wish-she-was-here pang.
Posted by Gracie2 on April 17, 2002, at 20:09:47
In reply to Re: Breaking up is hard to do, posted by KB on April 14, 2002, at 9:01:40
Many pregnant women develop a "crush" on their obstetricians. Fantasizing about a professional who has helped us is common but, alas, the relationship must remain a fantasy.
-Gracie
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