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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by oracle on June 27, 2002, at 18:24:58
WASH POST: NO LINK BETWEEN GAYS AND CHILD SEX ABUSE
This is one of those articles that you need to print out and save. The Washington Post did an amazing story a few days ago debunking for good
the far-right lie that gays are prone to sexually abusing children. In addition to interviewing a slew of experts who make it clear that gays
are no more likely to molest children than are straights, the article also reveals a little known-fact: namely, that lots and LOTS of women
have been abused by male priests as well (in one of the largest groups representing survivors of priestly child abuse, half of the 4,000
members are women!). The article goes on to explain why it is that clergy abuse against girls isn't as reported as that against boys, and
thus why the crime might seem to be perceived as only happening in same-sex cases. A truly stellar article. Keep this, and write letters to
the editor to your local paper about this - this stuff is great, and really puts the bigoted fundamentalists to shame.You can find the Post story here:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A33205-2002Jun23.html
Posted by shar on June 29, 2002, at 2:28:58
In reply to WASH POST: NO LINK BETWEEN GAYS AND CHILD SEX ABUS, posted by oracle on June 27, 2002, at 18:24:58
While the whole "we heard a rumor about priests molesting children" meeting at the Vatican thing was going on, there was a news show with a sort of collage of what was happening.
One of the news bytes was a priest (cardinal? IDK) saying "We definitely must keep homosexuals out of the priesthood." And I thought, "yeah, and you might want to keep out pedophiles, too."
I was amazed that the stereotype about gay men was still alive and well. I thought it had already been quite publicly debunked years ago.
Anyone know if the Catholic church decided to do anything about priests who molest children other than ship them to different places? I only heard they decided something *should* be done.
S
Posted by KB on June 29, 2002, at 11:46:43
In reply to Priests and Child Sexual Abuse, posted by shar on June 29, 2002, at 2:28:58
If they would ordain women, they wouldn't have this happening as much!
Posted by judy1 on June 29, 2002, at 12:23:35
In reply to Priests and Child Sexual Abuse, posted by shar on June 29, 2002, at 2:28:58
I think, I pray that in the U.S. they have adopted a one-strike rule; that if anything should happen they are at least removed from any parish and possibly de-frocked. At least that is in California... different diocese may have different rules- judy
Posted by paxvox on June 29, 2002, at 21:02:52
In reply to Re: Priests and Child Sexual Abuse » shar, posted by judy1 on June 29, 2002, at 12:23:35
My wife is a victim of Catholic priest sexual abuse. All this recent "news" has sent her realing into depression. Although it has been 30 years, the issue was never "closed". Now we see that the Catholic church has come away with the "boys will be boys" one strike rule.....oh...but no defrocking!!!!!!! Holy crap!!! Anywere else child molestation carries 10-20 years in the slammer! I'm all for Christian forgiveness, don't get me wrong. But let the SOBs at least confess and repent FIRST, and even do the hard time in prison. After that, it's between God and them if they are forgiven. This is an issue that MUST be dealt with by the lay members of the Catholic church. How can anyone justify this? How much longer will people like my wife have to continue to suffer? How many more innocent children will have to have their live's destroyed? Enough I say!
PAXVOX
Posted by judy1 on June 30, 2002, at 14:08:40
In reply to Re: Priests and Child Sexual Abuse » shar, posted by paxvox on June 29, 2002, at 21:02:52
I'm so sorry your wife had to go through such horror, and you're right it doesn't matter how many years have gone by. May I ask if she is in therapy?- hopefully with someone who is knowledgeable about child abuse and that she trusts. I hope she is able to work this through. take care- judy
Posted by paxvox on June 30, 2002, at 16:16:52
In reply to Re: Priests and Child Sexual Abuse » paxvox, posted by judy1 on June 30, 2002, at 14:08:40
After 11 years of marriage, I was finally able to convince my wife (through a third party...long story) that she needed to go to counseling. She has been seeing a Christian counsellor for a few visits, and had her first visit with a Pdoc last Monday. Interestingly, I had become the target of my wife's aggression. I had blamed a number of things, including myself, for a number of years before I realized that the ABUSE ISSUE was the root of (most) of the problem. She has a long road to go, I only wish that she would use me as a support rather than as PART of the perceived problem. I have discussed our issues on this forum in the past, so I won't expound anymore now. Arrghhhh!!! It's bad enough dealing with my own mental issues, and trying to maintain a "normal" life for my kids, now it has been exacerbated by this abuse issue with my wife. At least I know she now recognizes, and has acknowleded this as an issue, so hopefully we can move forward. Thanks for all the support you all may offer!
PAX
Posted by judy1 on June 30, 2002, at 18:51:22
In reply to Re: Priests and Child Sexual Abuse » paxvox » judy1, posted by paxvox on June 30, 2002, at 16:16:52
"Interestingly, I had become the target of my wife's aggression"
Unfortunately, that is very common. I, too, lash out at my husband when I'm triggered and feel horrible after. That probably doesn't help you much- knowing she can't help it and how difficult a behavior it is to change. When I am in that'zone' it is difficult to trust any man- I've done it to my male psychiatrist too. All I can say is you feel so terrified, and the past is so real. I bet it is difficult with you having your own problems and hope eventually (it does take time), the trust will come and your marriage will be stronger then ever. Take care, judy
Posted by kiddo on June 30, 2002, at 20:34:12
In reply to Re: Priests and Child Sexual Abuse » paxvox » judy1, posted by paxvox on June 30, 2002, at 16:16:52
Hi Pax!!!
I'm glad to hear your wife has gone to counseling. Speaking from experience in this area, I agree with judy's comment as well.
I also wanted to say that you ARE being supportive. Everytime your wife is allowed to vent her fears, frustrations, anger, and hurt regardless if it is directly to you in conveying the details or through expression directed to you; and you stay and continue to allow her to 'lash' out, you are creating a safe place for her. She will learn (however long it takes) that you are different, and not like the people from her past.
I know that isn't much, but I thought I'd throw my opinion out there... please tell her that I'm happy for her, and if she ever wants/needs to talk, she can email me (if you still have it).
Take care-Kiddo
Posted by shar on July 1, 2002, at 3:12:14
In reply to Re: Priests and Child Sexual Abuse » paxvox » judy1 » paxvox, posted by kiddo on June 30, 2002, at 20:34:12
Somehow that blaming thing happens with me, too. For me it is rooted in massive amounts of mistrust. I have worked through many levels of the issue (years of therapy), and I have a friend now who is very comfortable with my 'venting' about what has happened before, and he can get as angry about it as I do. He is also clear that he isn't going to be included as a 'responsible party.'
He conveys to me that what happened before was not him, that that behavior is not part of our friendship, and he does not ever want it to be part of our friendship (even by proxy).
Somehow he does this in a way that is clear and firm but not threatening to me, it sets a boundary between past and present that helps me see the difference, and relax a little. I end up feeling valued and not criticized or hurt (which surprises me).
S
Posted by kiddo on July 1, 2002, at 10:05:26
In reply to Re: Priests and Child Sexual Abuse » paxvox » judy1, posted by paxvox on June 30, 2002, at 16:16:52
Pax-
I did leave out those very important details that Shar brought up about reminding her that you ARE different, that it's the past and not happening in the 'here and now' as my pdoc says. It's really hard for me to concentrate right now, and I have an idea of what I want to say, it's just difficult to express it....
Kiddo
Posted by paxvox on July 2, 2002, at 15:59:21
In reply to Child Sexual Abuse Part II » paxvox, posted by kiddo on July 1, 2002, at 10:05:26
I appreciate all the feedback. My wife actually had a "breakthrough" last night, and we shared some quality conversation about OUR relationship. I told her that I married her for life, and that I wanted to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. I hope this is this first step, on what I know will be a long road.
PAX
Posted by krazy kat on July 3, 2002, at 9:54:51
In reply to Re: Child Sexual Abuse Part II, posted by paxvox on July 2, 2002, at 15:59:21
Posted by Zo on July 3, 2002, at 17:09:18
In reply to Re: Child Sexual Abuse Part II, posted by paxvox on July 2, 2002, at 15:59:21
I don't know--the road from here could be shorter than you think. When a child's trust as broken--a link to the world is broken. I cannot imagine having a supportive husband. . but I know once the link was once again made, with a healthy, loving male therapist. . .well, it was made. You don't go back.
I also badly needed chemical help to maintain the link, in my brain. .. your wife may, as well. But I am struck by your commitment to her health. I don't feel there are particular things you have to do, say or prove to her, to help her progress. Looks like you just have to be who you are.
Appreciate yourself! Really! And look forward to better times ahead.
Zo
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