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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Penny on July 7, 2002, at 11:32:21
So, one of my closest friends is having surgery next week (July 10) to have a fibroid removed from her uterus. The same day, the little boy I babysit (I'm a part-time nanny and live with the family) is having a tonsillectomy. I had planned to go to see my friend and be with her after the surgery for a little while. But the family I work for didn't know this until too late, and they scheduled the child's surgery for the same day. So, I feel obligated to stay and help out with the children, considering that it is a job for me and they do provide me with a place to live.
I ran this whole thing by my IOP group and therapist and the therapist said that because nannying is a job for me, it would probably need to come first. I tend to agree and am also not sure I could emotionally handle being with my friend at this time.
Problem is, when I told my friend, she went off on one of her 'they're taking advantage of you' speeches and got really quiet. Obviously she's upset with me. I don't know what to do, but all I hear from therapists is that I'm not supposed to internalize it, that her feelings are hers and not mine...
but I feel guilty as hell and like there's no winning for me in this situation. I resent being asked to be in two places at once, and I can't do both as the cities are two and a half hours away from each other...
As though suffering from a mood disorder wasn't bad enough already...
a sorrowful penny
Posted by Lini on July 7, 2002, at 14:04:48
In reply to Between a rock and a hard place..., posted by Penny on July 7, 2002, at 11:32:21
It is hard to be everything to everybody, if not impossible. I guess you have to decide which situation will cause more problems for you in the long run if you miss it. (Is it easier to make up with your friend *or* be seen as not doing something you're maybe suppossed to do at work?). You are right about not internalizing it, but I do understand that you would feel guilty, and I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing to want to be there for two people at the same time, it's just impossible is all! :)
Can you spend time the next day after surgery with your friend? Good friendships are usually able to weather alot, and you'd be surprised how far flowers, chicken soup and a foot massage can get you!
It's just one of those things that life throws your way to see how you handle it. I am sure that you'll be great, whichever you choose.
-L
Posted by Fi on July 8, 2002, at 11:40:02
In reply to Between a rock and a hard place..., posted by Penny on July 7, 2002, at 11:32:21
You tried to get time off and you couldnt, and it is your job (and home).You dont really have much choice- your employer would be understandably angry if you took the day off when you were particularly needed as nanny, and when it had been explicitly refused.
Of course your friend is upset that you wont be with her. That doesnt mean that you should feel guilty - its not your 'fault'. Her feelings are entirely understandable, but she is not thinking straight in giving you a hard time about it. Pointing out the logic of the situation and your choice to her may not help (you know her and will know if this is true), but it may help for you to remember it yourself, at least.
The suggestion of being around the next day, if you can (and can cope with the travelling and her emotion) sounds a good offer.
But you may just need to weather the storm and keep reminding yourself they are her feelings, as you mention.
And take care of yourself, of course! No-one apart from you (and us!) will have that as a priority, so make sure you have it as one.
Fi
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