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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on July 13, 2002, at 8:04:27
> Hi. I'm having a real hard time these past few weeks. Everyday I feel as if I want to die. The past few days I've been planning ways to do it. I don't think I would kill myslef, b/c I am afraid I'd go to hell...but I feel like I'm living in hell anyway. I feel abandoned by God, by those who are supposed to be my friends, by doctors and therapists. I feel like I've done all I am supposed to do to help me with my illnesses, but nothing works...and it's not worth living anymore. I can't even leave the house...it's too hard. I hate myself, and my life and I can't see it getting better. I thought of going into the hospital, but if I have to quit one more semester of school b/c of this I will loose it, I mean literally loose it. My sponsor says I'm not good coz I need to get into the program more...well I've tried and am trying...I just want to die. I can't find a new psychiatrist...I've been trying to get a new one...I make calls almost everyday. I called my old therapist to see if he'd see me and help me w/ my insurance benefits that ran out. I feel no joy and no hope. No one understands. I just do not care anymore. I just want to drink myself to death. I hate everything.
Posted by Dinah on July 13, 2002, at 8:05:52
In reply to Re: suicidal ideation » EmilyAnn, posted by Dinah on July 13, 2002, at 8:04:27
From the med board.
Now I'll be even more adventurous and attempt a link.
Posted by shar on July 13, 2002, at 12:10:35
In reply to Re: This was my attempt at a redirect , posted by Dinah on July 13, 2002, at 8:05:52
You are not alone in your suicidal ideation, you have come to the right place because people here understand. I struggle with it too, and for right now have decided to continue living.
It does sound like you are working very hard to get to feeling better, doing all the right things, but nothing good is happening. Well, that sucks, and it makes it so hard to keep trying.
About AA and what your sponsor said. Everyone works their program in their own way. There are guidelines that can be helpful (like 90 meetings in 90 days for newbies is a good idea IMHO), but as you get more into it, everyone's doing something different. I think it is to do what keeps you sober and, if possible, feeling better. I feel better now than I did when I was drinking, but I've never experienced the joy that some AA folks talk about.
It's how our own nature combines with the steps that makes it work. I do think "keep coming back" sounds like a good idea for you right now, and that having a priority of sobriety would help. Especially with suicidal thoughts, anything that lowers inhibitions or might increase impulsiveness is not a good idea.
If you have a good meeting to go to (AA) keep it up. Go even if you slip, it's ok and if anyone gives you shit then they are waaaay far away from the ideals of the program. Meetings are not set up so that others can judge people, tho it has happened. You don't even have to say you've slipped if you have; the only requirement for Club AA is a desire to quit drinking.
Keep posting and good luck.
Shar
Posted by EmilyAnn on July 13, 2002, at 18:12:07
In reply to Good ol' SI, posted by shar on July 13, 2002, at 12:10:35
Shar,
thank you for your post. I feel a bit less crazy now that you've valitated my feelings and understand. This really sucks. I feel like an empty shell of a person. For about 5 min. a day I curse at God (sponsor says to talk to Him even if it's yelling)...I just have no hope. I've been thinking/obsessing really about drinking and killing myself. I'm gonna call my sponsor right now.I do appreciate your post and support. Please pray for me.
This is the end of the thread.
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