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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on August 28, 2002, at 21:06:34
I don't know if this has been brought up before..but I still think it would be a good idea for us singles on here. I'd always thought a woman (in my case) could understand me better if we shared some common understandings, espeically about mental illness. I am getting even board of most of these 'on-line' dating things...and they make you pay lots of money! Yucck.Questions..comments?
Thnx,
jay
Posted by Medusa on August 28, 2002, at 22:22:52
In reply to PB Dating board??, posted by jay on August 28, 2002, at 21:06:34
a PB dating board, wow. would that get flirters on the regular boards re-routed?
as for a woman understanding you better, eh, there are different ways to have understanding of mental illness, and someone who's had other relationships or family with someone with mental issues might be more helpful for you than would a woman with Big Issues of her own.
then again, I know a couple who met in an inpatient program.
but if you really want to date women with Big Issues, I might be able to find some names of women I've met in therapy groups ...
M
Posted by jay on August 28, 2002, at 23:49:59
In reply to Re: PB Dating board??, posted by Medusa on August 28, 2002, at 22:22:52
> a PB dating board, wow. would that get flirters on the regular boards re-routed?
>
> as for a woman understanding you better, eh, there are different ways to have understanding of mental illness, and someone who's had other relationships or family with someone with mental issues might be more helpful for you than would a woman with Big Issues of her own.
>
> then again, I know a couple who met in an inpatient program.
>
> but if you really want to date women with Big Issues, I might be able to find some names of women I've met in therapy groups ...
>
> MWell, I have some pretty darn BIG issues myself...so it could be a competition..lol!
I had been going out with a gal for 2 months before she told me she was on Paxil. That actually brought us closer together. The relationship fell apart mostly because of me and my deep depression, but at the time, she was still doing the 'party party' thing in her early 20's...and I then was in no mood to do that kinda stuff. It lasted for a few years, and it does hurt sometimes to think back to it.(It is part of my "..before I got REALLY, REALLY ill" life.)
I think I am finnaly confident enough to somewhat deal with 'rejection'...as I have recently...and I did what was best for me...just cut it right off and moved on..period.
As I have moaned about here on the board before, and that is I wish *women* would make the first move. I can't stand the little 'games'..and the "oh..he must like me...I am going to flirt with him just for now" (and f*ck up his mind even more!)
See how cyncial and jaded I have become?..lol!
Jay
Posted by Medusa on August 29, 2002, at 1:51:39
In reply to Re: PB Dating board??~~~my life as a f**k up :-) » Medusa, posted by jay on August 28, 2002, at 23:49:59
> Well, I have some pretty darn BIG issues myself...so it could be a competition..lol!
>That's not too funny when you're living it ... guess I've never been through such a competition myself, just have seen it a few times, whew. "WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS" is bad enough screamed in a "normal" relationship ...
> I had been going out with a gal for 2 months
>before she told me she was on Paxil. That
>actually brought us closer together.Cool that you were so accepting. Once a guy found out inadvertently that I was on Prozac (I'd forgotten to take it that day and it was lying on my bed) and he got really cold, because a former girlfriend of his had been on it, and he liked her better off it. Whatever. A few months later he apparently decided that he regretted ending the exploration and started calling me persistently ... he seemed surprised that I didn't jump at the chance.
>"..before I got REALLY, REALLY ill" life.)
>Is -party party- recreational drugs? probably not the issues you need to relive through someone else.
> I wish *women* would make the first move.But do you like the kind of women who do make first moves? The 'cute', socially adept ones generally don't. The gawky, tired-of-games types (like me) do make first moves, but do you want that? and are you really more comfortable reacting when women make first moves?
> See how cyncial and jaded I have become?..lol!it's those dating boards. I've been through too many of those. Met some cool people, one ended up marrying my then-roommate. I was a real first-move girl, but when I met now-DH, I saw pretty clearly that he valued the traditional, chivalric thing, and that he needed to be the one to make the first move. A really shy guy too. He does more housework than I do, but he values his image of himself as a macho and it seems it was good I respected that.
What about telling women in general that a woman would have to pound you on the head with a clue-by-four to get you to realize she's interested? I've known a few guys who've made this known, and women have responded by being pretty direct, as in "hey. I think you're cute but I don't know how interested I actually am. Coffee and let's chat about it and find out?" It's up to you to ask them directly and get the cards on the table. But this won't work with the cute cheerleader types. So if that's what you want ... maybe look for a depressed cheerleader.
M
Posted by jay on August 29, 2002, at 4:04:15
In reply to my life as a f**k up :-) - dating as a way to fail, posted by Medusa on August 29, 2002, at 1:51:39
> > Well, I have some pretty darn BIG issues myself...so it could be a competition..lol!
> >
>
> That's not too funny when you're living it ... guess I've never been through such a competition myself, just have seen it a few times, whew. "WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS" is bad enough screamed in a "normal" relationship ...Well, after living with it so often in the past...I gotta find some humour in it. I went through some very dark times in relationships.
>
> > I had been going out with a gal for 2 months
> >before she told me she was on Paxil. That
> >actually brought us closer together.
>
> Cool that you were so accepting. Once a guy found out inadvertently that I was on Prozac (I'd forgotten to take it that day and it was lying on my bed) and he got really cold, because a former girlfriend of his had been on it, and he liked her better off it. Whatever. A few months later he apparently decided that he regretted ending the exploration and started calling me persistently ... he seemed surprised that I didn't jump at the chance.Ya, well I had been on medication too at the time, and it was really a kinda special 'bonding' point. I am one of the least judgemental persons going, and I very rarely understand peoples knee-jerk coldness to other suffering.
>
> >"..before I got REALLY, REALLY ill" life.)
> >
>
> Is -party party- recreational drugs? probably not the issues you need to relive through someone else.Umm..not sure what you mean't..but a certain chain of events led up to my massive breakdown in 1997. (Before I was on meds for depression...but I seemed to be doing ok.) She became pregnant..and we had lost our child together. That's when it went *down down down*. I read that couples who lose a child don't stay together...and this was pure evidence.
>
> > I wish *women* would make the first move.
>
> But do you like the kind of women who do make first moves? The 'cute', socially adept ones generally don't. The gawky, tired-of-games types (like me) do make first moves, but do you want that? and are you really more comfortable reacting when women make first moves?Well, regardless of the type...I am an average looking guy..not horrible to look at, so I've been told...and still never had a woman ask me out. And ya, I *am* very comfortable with a woman making the first moves. I still had past girlfriends ask me why I didn't make the "moves" sooner. Well...are there written rules I am supposed to follow? Phhtt..
>
> > See how cyncial and jaded I have become?..lol!
>
> it's those dating boards. I've been through too many of those. Met some cool people, one ended up marrying my then-roommate. I was a real first-move girl, but when I met now-DH, I saw pretty clearly that he valued the traditional, chivalric thing, and that he needed to be the one to make the first move. A really shy guy too. He does more housework than I do, but he values his image of himself as a macho and it seems it was good I respected that.
>
> What about telling women in general that a woman would have to pound you on the head with a clue-by-four to get you to realize she's interested? I've known a few guys who've made this known, and women have responded by being pretty direct, as in "hey. I think you're cute but I don't know how interested I actually am. Coffee and let's chat about it and find out?" It's up to you to ask them directly and get the cards on the table. But this won't work with the cute cheerleader types. So if that's what you want ... maybe look for a depressed cheerleader.
>
> MI am not looking for the "cute cheerleader types"..ugghhh..I want a w.o.m.a.n. with brains and a heart, not a "Colgate smile"!..ughh.
I will think and maybe try your approach..
Thanx for your input..:-)
Jay
Posted by Medusa on August 29, 2002, at 4:53:45
In reply to Re: my life as a f**k up :-) - dating as a way to fail » Medusa, posted by jay on August 29, 2002, at 4:04:15
> Well, after living with it so often in the past...I gotta find some humour in it. I went through some very dark times in relationships.
>
>Sorry, I didn't mean to cut down your humor.
> we had lost our child together. That's when it went *down down down*. I read that couples who lose a child don't stay together...and this was pure evidence.
>I'm sorry you went through that. Losing a child, and not being able to get a child, seems to drive a lot of couples apart.
> sooner. Well...are there written rules I am
>supposed to follow? Phhtt..Have you read _The Rules_? it's a bunch of crap, but a lot of women have read it and follow it blindly. If you can get a copy in the library (don't waste your money!) it might give you some insight into very real mentality of a lot of women out there. It seems like a caricature, but there are really really women who live this out. If you get wise to it, you can ask them straight out what they think of the approach. Of course, one of the Rules is to Never Talk About The Rules. Geese.
>
> I am not looking for the "cute cheerleader types"..ugghhh..I want a w.o.m.a.n. with brains and a heart, not a "Colgate smile"!..ughh.
>So I guess I won't set you up with my sister ... oh I forgot she's already married.
> I will think and maybe try your approach..Lemme know what happens. I also know a guy who has met women by 1) reading women's magazines on the train. Two women, at different times, asked him why he was reading that, and he said he was trying to understand women, and they said the mags were full of baloney and he should better get to know women. One he dated, the other was more of a buddy but he learned a bit. THEN he 2) tried telling women reading women's mags that the mags were full of baloney, and they shouldn't do these things to please men. His results with this were not so great.
Hang in there.
M
p.s. are you in any special interest /hobby groups? this is a low-pressure way to meet people, not directly so much as people who set you up with people they know.
Posted by Ted on August 29, 2002, at 10:30:20
In reply to PB Dating board??, posted by jay on August 28, 2002, at 21:06:34
Jay,
> I'd always thought a woman (in my case) could understand me better if we shared some common understandings, espeically about mental illness.
In principle, you idea is stellar and well planned and intentioned. However, my experience shows that, given the choice, I would NOT want someone from PSB as a mate for two reasons:
1. I want my mate to *understand* my illness, not have it too. I have a wife with lifelong major depression and social phobia. She understands mental illnesses very well. Nonetheless, her condition combined with mine has done nothing but complicate our relationship to the point of codependency and dysfunction on several occasions. It's not fun, trust me. I know other couples in the same position as me who have had identical outcomes.
2. I would lose PSB as a safe place to babble.
Now.... A PB flirting board.... That's something I could enjoy. :-)Ted
PS: Oh and regarding a woman understanding me: I gave up on that thought when I was 17. I'm WAY too far off normal for anyone to understand, even myself. :-)
Posted by jay on August 30, 2002, at 0:41:48
In reply to PB Dating board??, posted by jay on August 28, 2002, at 21:06:34
Is everybody on here married? Maybe we need a PB Singles?? C'mon..help me.....please..heh.
Posted by Medusa on August 30, 2002, at 3:16:12
In reply to Are there not any SINGLE women on here?? Aggghh!!?, posted by jay on August 30, 2002, at 0:41:48
Posted by wendy b. on September 3, 2002, at 22:22:50
In reply to every single woman on PB is married! (nm), posted by Medusa on August 30, 2002, at 3:16:12
This is the end of the thread.
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