Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Medusa on August 29, 2002, at 10:27:51
I read in a post recently that the post-er's therapist said she would probably always have a part of her that wanted to die. (Sorry for the paraphrase, and for forgetting who the poster is.)
This hit me. This is probably what I have to accept, instead of thinking I'll "get well" and go on with life. I probably just have to bloody go on with life.
I just made a phone call to a potential employer. I didn't know what language to address him in, and I had misunderstood the position being advertised, but he was STILL friendly and asked me to send my CV. I've been so afraid of making such phone calls! And DH sort of dared me to do it, and I didn't think I could so I don't know, I just did it. And nothing horrible happened.
Then I made another call, which I'd also dreaded, and left a message.
I have to work on my CV now. I did for about four minutes, and I want to scream with frustration. Most of the time, I want to yell, scream, holler. I'm in a lot of pain, physically and emotionally.
And if I look at what the poster said about living with the idea of always wanting to die, I might have to face the idea of a life wanting to scream.
I don't know if I have the energy for that. But presuming I can scrape it together somehow, how do I go about creating a decent life, all the while feeling about to burst with screams?
M
Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on August 30, 2002, at 1:25:21
In reply to going through life wanting to SCREAM, posted by Medusa on August 29, 2002, at 10:27:51
Congratulations for getting moving on the job stuff, despite the urge to scream. It is soooo hard to do that kind of stuff.
Have you ever actually tried screaming? You can do it while driving in the car without freaking anyone. Hurts the throat some though.
Posted by Medusa on August 30, 2002, at 3:18:18
In reply to Re: going through life wanting to SCREAM, posted by ~~tabitha~~ on August 30, 2002, at 1:25:21
> Have you ever actually tried screaming? You can do it while driving in the car without freaking anyone. Hurts the throat some though.
I used to go to the pool and scream underwater as I was swimming. No idea if people could hear this, I figured they wouldn't know where it was coming from if I kept moving.
I don't know if that actually helped.
Last night I tried a relaxation/meditation/"self-hypnosis" exercise that I learned a long time ago. It helped. I think I have to reinstate that practice.
Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on August 30, 2002, at 4:08:34
In reply to Re: going through life wanting to SCREAM, posted by Medusa on August 30, 2002, at 3:18:18
oh yes, I remember screaming underwater as a kid. it was fun. I'd forgotten all about that.
what kind of self-hypnosis do you do? I was doing a daily meditation but have fallen away from it lately. it did help.
Posted by mair on August 30, 2002, at 9:16:14
In reply to Re: going through life wanting to SCREAM, posted by Medusa on August 30, 2002, at 3:18:18
Your post made me think of a movie of several years ago (Network maybe?) where this guy starts screaming "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore." He gets people all over the place to scream the same thing - it's a great idea I guess as long as it's not being screamed at you.
Posted by shar on August 30, 2002, at 17:28:02
In reply to Re: going through life wanting to SCREAM » Medusa, posted by mair on August 30, 2002, at 9:16:14
You CAN scream...that energy CAN be released by some good, strong healthy screaming. In your car (probably alone is best), in your pillow, you will figure out other places. Not every time in every place when you feel like it maybe, but, it is really quite feasible.
Wanting to die is unattainable, except for the moment of death.
So, go for it!!
Shar
Posted by Medusa on September 2, 2002, at 7:02:47
In reply to The good news is.......Medusa, posted by shar on August 30, 2002, at 17:28:02
see, I would love to, but it seems it would be about as effective as bingeing and purging used to be - not very. The immediate urges were satisfied, but root problems grew ever deeper.
and I think I'd get really out of control if I yelled. I would crash the car or drown in the pool.
M
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