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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by IsoM on September 12, 2002, at 17:49:20
...I'm expecting another block. I don't know why I bother. I guess the frustration of his policies ends up boiling over after trying to hold it in or simply ignoring it completely. Aarrggghhh!
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020725/msgs/7398.htmlWhy, why, WHY do I keep trying to change that which isn't changable? I'd see faster change in the Grand Canyon erosion. I'll eventually learn. It's because I really like some (most really) of the folks here even as I hate Bob's dictates. Like a large family one knows & loves but can't take the patriarch himself.
Posted by Dinah on September 12, 2002, at 20:20:28
In reply to Sorry if I don't post again but..., posted by IsoM on September 12, 2002, at 17:49:20
I really appreciated the help you gave me while I was filling in for Dr. Bob. And I think you bring a lot to this site.
I don't suppose you could do what I did in my struggles with my own (in this case) matriarch. I just lowered my expectations. I've somehow always found that lowered expectations are the key to happiness.
Wowzer, that sounds depressing.
Dinah
Posted by IsoM on September 13, 2002, at 1:29:40
In reply to Re: I'd be sorry too, IsoM..., posted by Dinah on September 12, 2002, at 20:20:28
Thanks for the suggestion but I disagree, Dinah, at least for me. Lowered expectations aren't the key to happiness, more so the key to not being disappointed or disillusioned. Happiness for me comes from other sources & yes, I do experience wonderful happiness, though not continuously, of course. But I do underatnd what you mean by not hoping for too much.
I received a very good suggestion from someone I value highly. Don't mean to sound sarcastic but I think rather than having lowered expectations, it's better that I have none at all. Very cynical perhaps, but better in the long run & much more realistic.
Posted by shar on September 14, 2002, at 1:13:22
In reply to Re: lowered expectations... » Dinah, posted by IsoM on September 13, 2002, at 1:29:40
NOT directly in response to previous posters in this thread, ONLY posting this because the "expectations" part caught my attention!!!
I seem to have mastered at least one thing in this lifetime, and that is unrealistic expectations. Of myself, for others, about relationships...it's almost like I lose good sense when it comes to what people (including I) "should" be or do or say or anything and everything.
I never naturally assume that if someone is rude or mean it is not my fault. I may ultimately come to that conclusion, but usually only after hours of ruminating about it. I expect that I should make everyone's day pleasant, or more pleasant, and if something is unpleasant then I've done something to make that happen. And, it finally will usually dawn on me that the other person may have been having a bad day, or not feeling too well, or could have had a headache, etc.
I do that with SO many things. It is very wearing.
Just my two bits. One comment that relates to something stated in one of the above posts (but this DOES NOT reflect my opinion or idea or feeling about the POSTER in any way whatsoever, in fact, I don't believe it could even be taken that way, but then one never knows, so it's always good to DISCLAIM ANY BAD INTENT in advance these days), but some sage (of Oriental origin if I recall correctly) supposedly said "he who expects nothing, has everything."
And that is not to be discriminatory or biased FOR or AGAINST anything Oriental or Eastern or Asian or anything like that at all, ever, forever and ever. Amen.
Shar
Posted by Dinah on September 14, 2002, at 10:52:58
In reply to Re: lowered expectations... » Dinah, posted by IsoM on September 13, 2002, at 1:29:40
Well, IsoM, my therapist says I spend my life trying to avoid pain, so perhaps instead of saying lowered expectations lead to happiness, I should have said lowered expectations lead to a reduction in pain. I'm not sure I can tell the difference. :)
Dinah
Posted by IsoM on September 14, 2002, at 13:03:49
In reply to Re: lowered expectations... » IsoM, posted by Dinah on September 14, 2002, at 10:52:58
THAT I can agree with, Dinah. It's just that I have high expectations for myself & most others that I know fairly well. Don't get me wrong, it's not like being a perfectionist. It's knowing what I, or someone else, is capable of & trying to encourage the best that's possible.
Now, it's also very realisitic to know that no one is totally even & balanced all the time. There's bad days, & many inexplicable causes for someone to be off for an hour, a day, a week, or even more. It's difficult to know why one feels this way from time to time.
But it's knowing the capacity of all that's good & positive in a person & working to make the most of it. Something akin to reinforcing the positives & ignoring the normal everyday negatives (unless there's *truly* constructive criticism that might help).
Perhaps I have a good outlook as the small disappointments aren't really disappointments, just understanding that nothing's perfect. It doesn't cause me pain. Depression & screwy neural wiring are my problems. My mental outlook, fortunately, seems healthy & good and are my strong points.
It's just that, naively, I had hoped for something much more positive from PB initially.
Posted by IsoM on September 14, 2002, at 13:17:29
In reply to unrealistic expectations r my specialty..., posted by shar on September 14, 2002, at 1:13:22
Shar, I'm not easily offended. I tell people they have to hit me over the head to make it obvious to me & then if someone goes to that much trouble to disturb me, I don't consider them worth the disdain.
Am I in such a minority that I don't think others' moods are my fault? Not that I haven't ruffled feathers occasionally, but I'm fully aware of when I've blundered & hurt or upset someone, & am quick to apologize (unless they're really just boobs who are offended at anyone taking up space on "their" earth).
When I had all my sons still with me at home, & some days I'd be feeling crappy & irritable (migraines can give me an 'irritation' aura sometimes), I'd tell them what my mood was & if I reacted strangely or grumply, to not think it was their fault. The problem was me. I never wanted them to feel guilty over MY moods.
So when someone acts out-of-sorts, that's the first thing I ask them - how's their day going. I usually get a "do you really want to hear?" line. I tell them 'yes, that's why I asked'. It gives them a chance to dump & leaves them feeling better & me not thinking I caused or contributed to it. If they don't want to tell me, that's fine too. But then I know that they're really not up to par & it's still not me.
Read my post just before this to Dinah (but for anyone). I have high expectations & always will. I never want to lose that ideal either. It's so sad how parents have put so much mental baggage on their children without meaning to or being aware of how it would happen. I can see it with your post & with Dinah's too. I resolved not to with my sons. I can't say I didn't at all, but they seem to be fairly mentally balanced, thank goodness.
Posted by Tabitha Šëëš Ýôú on September 14, 2002, at 15:48:17
In reply to Re: lowered expectations... » Dinah, posted by IsoM on September 14, 2002, at 13:03:49
>
> It's just that, naively, I had hoped for something much more positive from PB initially.What was it that you hoped for?
This is the end of the thread.
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