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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by SandraDee on September 27, 2002, at 18:28:46
Kids whining non-stop today and I'm not in the mood to be their horsey. Something just came over me today (no it's not PMS) and I spent about 2 hours out of today crying. It doesn't get me anything but a headache. I am not suicidal, I just am tired. Tired of people looking at my life as though it's perfect. The perfect life (on Earth) doesn't exist. I'm a married at-home-mom with a boy and a girl and just bought a house, we go to church and seem like the happy/perfect little family. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people thinking stay at home mom's have it so easy (especially with kids that are toddlers or teenagers!) and I'm... oh nevermind.
Hope the weekend gets better. Just needed to vent. - Frustrated mom
Posted by Ted on September 27, 2002, at 23:00:28
In reply to I'm having a hard mom day., posted by SandraDee on September 27, 2002, at 18:28:46
Sounds like Sandra needs a mommy-only holiday. Tell daddy that *he* has to take care of the little ones for the weekend, and mommy should go somewhere quiet -- mountains, beach, etc., by herself and relax and come home on sunday afternoon to a dinner prepared by daddy.
Few things are more stressful than buying a house. Add mommy stress and a little depression, stir it up really well, and you have a rotten week. Life will get better, but not until you take care of mommy for a change.
Ted
(a daddy who lets mommy sleep in until noon on saturday and sunday)
> Kids whining non-stop today and I'm not in the mood to be their horsey. Something just came over me today (no it's not PMS) and I spent about 2 hours out of today crying. It doesn't get me anything but a headache. I am not suicidal, I just am tired. Tired of people looking at my life as though it's perfect. The perfect life (on Earth) doesn't exist. I'm a married at-home-mom with a boy and a girl and just bought a house, we go to church and seem like the happy/perfect little family. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people thinking stay at home mom's have it so easy (especially with kids that are toddlers or teenagers!) and I'm... oh nevermind.
> Hope the weekend gets better. Just needed to vent. - Frustrated mom
Posted by SandraDee on September 28, 2002, at 20:29:41
In reply to Re: I'm having a hard mom day., posted by Ted on September 27, 2002, at 23:00:28
Ok, so now you are just this angelic husband. I need to talk to your wife to get the real deal. hahaha You've gotta leave your briefs on the floor and your socks over the chair or something bad. I'm determined to find it. haha My husband changes diapers, and bathes the kids. But mommy-days don't exist around here. He has been trying to let me sleep in on occasion (this morning he knew I was in need of it) and by sleeping in I mean: 3 yr old wakes up at 6:30 and he got up with her while I slept til 7:15am. Today was better because he was home all day and I let him reprimand them and get clothes and do the nap thing. I was just a tag-a-long for the most part. I just wish I had some leave time earned, or some sick leave or even a personal day. I don't even want to leave the house. I want all of them to leave hahahaha. Okay so too much to ask. :) I'll live. Thanks for responding.
Posted by Ted on September 29, 2002, at 0:25:18
In reply to Ted, thanks. » Ted, posted by SandraDee on September 28, 2002, at 20:29:41
> Ok, so now you are just this angelic husband.
Uh huh. You got it. :-)
>I need to talk to your wife to get the real
>deal. hahaha You've gotta leave your briefs on
>the floor and your socks over the chair or
>something bad.Nope. I even put my shoes on my side of the bed when I take them off and all dirty clothes go into the hamper. :-) Ok, ok, so maybe I'm not perfect. :-) I let her do all the shopping, cleaning, cooking, and take responsibility for bills. I do all the home & auto maintenance and earn the money. Fair enough?
>I'm determined to find it. haha
Well, she would say talking to you is definitely VERY BAD! (she's one of the more jealous types.)
>My husband changes diapers, and bathes the
>kids.That's better than most daddies. I had no trouble with diapers, but I didn't do the bath thing.
>But mommy-days don't exist around here. He has
>been trying to let me sleep in on occasion (this
>morning he knew I was in need of it)Good -- at least that's a start. Did you have to tell him or did he figure it out on his own? (OK, my other bad point is that I'm not very perceptive. I've never been good at reading minds and my meds have made it worse.)
>and by sleeping in I mean: 3 yr old wakes up at
>6:30 and he got up with her while I slept til
>7:15am.Here's what I started doing when our son was a baby. We took turns staying up with him when he was sick (which was very often), so I started using ear plugs -- the cheap foam ones -- every time it was her turn. It was her job to wake me when it was my turn. They work wonders. Use them to let you sleep in a bit if you can.
>Today was better because he was home all day and
>I let him reprimand them and get clothes and do
>the nap thing.Sounds like he did a great job. Tell him he needs to stay home on more weekends!
>I just wish I had some leave time earned, or
>some sick leave or even a personal day. I don't
>even want to leave the house. I want all of
>them to leave hahahaha. Okay so too much to
>ask. :)No too much to ask. Can your husband take them to visit grandma or auntie? Or just to the park and the mall for the better part of the day? I used to try my best to give occasional mommy days. But remember: daddy needs his days off too.
>I'll live.
Most of us here "will live." That's not the point. We need to heal.
>Thanks for responding.
Anytime!
Now take care of SANDRA!
Ted
Posted by SandraDee on September 30, 2002, at 9:48:21
In reply to Re: Ted, thanks. » SandraDee, posted by Ted on September 29, 2002, at 0:25:18
I just wanted you to know that he gets his daddy days. Days at the races or since he is a volunteer fireman he loves to go on calls and classes. He gets out of the house quite a bit. I think that's where the bitterness creeps in, because he has other activities and such. I like to scrapbook, but to do that I like to be at home, so getting him to take both kids anywhere is like oral surgery or a penal-ectomy. I'm supposed to go to the store or post office with both kids all the time, why is it such a big deal for him to? I'm not saying it's easy, but sheesh, it can be done.
I just need a better attitude, and hopefully this week I'll be able to get there. It's 7:43am and the kids are both up (have been for about an hour now) and I need to get something going for them. They've eaten, so hmm... should I paint with them or build a tent. Such executive desicions to make. I must concentrate. haha
Me
Posted by Dinah on September 30, 2002, at 16:31:34
In reply to I'm having a hard mom day., posted by SandraDee on September 27, 2002, at 18:28:46
I think I'm going to give my husband a big hug tonight. Since we both work (although I only work part time) parenting is a 50-50 job around here. In fact, my husband probably does more of the hands on work than I do.
Yes, Ted, he does give the baths, and gets him dressed in the morning. He plays with him, takes him places, and generally is a very involved Dad. He even takes off of work at times to stay with him when he's off of school, although my job is more flexible so I do more of that.
And we have a firm, although unspoken, rule. If someone was a full time parent for the day, the other parent does the hands on stuff that evening. Like if I'm with my son all day, my husband will play with him in the evening while I'll do the dishes or laundry, or even relax. :) We both are aware of the challenge of being patient and understanding and selfless for an entire day.
I really admire you, Sandra, for being able to do that day in and day out. It's a very special, rewarding, and difficult job. Why don't you tell your hubby that you don't want to hog all the rewards of spending time with your kids and you insist that he be blessed as well? :) It's true you know. No one ever ends their life regretting spending so much time with their kids.
Posted by mair on September 30, 2002, at 21:45:38
In reply to Re: I am sooo lucky. » SandraDee, posted by Dinah on September 30, 2002, at 16:31:34
Sandra
I always worked and had child care, but I do recall that those years when my children were very small were the only time in my life that I looked forward to Monday mornings. My husband not infrequently would work on Sundays and by the time he came home, I just wanted him to take over so I could leave (of course it never worked this way) If you look around you will find all sorts of examples of different accommodations made. The one that most impressed me was the man I'd see in the grocery store with his small children. In that family, making up grocery lists and doing the shopping was his job and he always did it with the kids.
My husband has always done alot of things with the kids but it really is not the same - most of the time he'd be freeing me up to do some other household chore, while he went off to do something fun with the kids, of course expecting huge kudos for taking the kids off my hands. What I probably appreciated most, however, were the very rare times that he took the kids with him while he tried to do an errand that I might otherwise have done. Multi-tasking is just not something my husband has ever been able to do. Most woman I know do it as a matter of necessity.
It's taken me years to get to the point where I don't feel guilty every time I schedule an activity that is strictly for me. But now that I've been able to see how beneficial it is for me, of course I wish I had regularly scheduled time for myself when my children were much smaller. You need to point out to your husband that you need the very things that he obviously holds so dear - time for yourself - and (a big AND) you need for him to help make these opportunities available to you without making you feel guilty - This means he can't act like he should win some major award for doing what you do umpteen times a day.
Mair
Posted by waterlily on October 3, 2002, at 8:32:18
In reply to I'm having a hard mom day., posted by SandraDee on September 27, 2002, at 18:28:46
I hope you're feeling better by now. From your post, it sounds like your kids are under school-age. I have worked part-time (3 days a week, 8 hour shifts) since my oldest, now ten, was born. It was soooo much easier to be at work than at home taking care of my kids. I have nothing but respect for stay-at-home moms. My kids are 10 and 8 now, and it is much easier to take care of them at this age than it was when they were little. Take comfort in the fact that things will get easier eventually. Until then, you need some time to yourself. How about joining a club or class that you enjoy that takes place in the evening hours? You would get creative/intellectual stimulation and socialization and you would have an excuse to be away from home for a certain amount of time every week. If your husband won't take care of them while you're away, find a babysitter that you trust. Your kids may scream for a while after you leave, but they'll adjust.
I hope this helps. Mommy burnout is a terrible affliction.
Posted by jyl on October 4, 2002, at 12:48:23
In reply to Re: I'm having a hard mom day., posted by waterlily on October 3, 2002, at 8:32:18
i too stay at home with the kids.
i have four in elementary school and a 3 year old.
its hard to relate to them when i feel so absorbed.i spent so many years in the house(taking 5 kids places was hard)that i now hate leaving the house.i dont know my neighbours and have no "real"friends.hubby works alot.
feeling traped and alone all the time.
i have to go pick up lego now!
thank for letting me vent tooo.
jyl
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