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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kid a on January 25, 2003, at 16:26:49
I AM IN AN EMPTY PLACE. I AM ALONE. THERE IS NOTHING HERE. THERE IS NOTHING. THERE IS AN EARTH, A FIRMAMENT, THERE IS ONLY MYSELF AMONGST THIS. I AM NOT AFRAID. I AM AFRAID OF NOTHING. EVERY STEP FILLS MY HEART WITH LIGHT. I AM BECOMING THE LIGHT. I AM BECOMING THE LIGHT. THE LIGHT IS A KIND OF LOVE. IT MAKES ME WHOLE. I AM STRONGER THAN THIS PLACE. I AM GROWING MORE POWERFULL WITH EACH STEP THAT I MAKE. THE LANDSCAPE IS NOTHING. IT BENDS TO MY WILL. IT DOES NOT EXIST. THERE IS NOTHING BUT MYSELF. I KNOW THIS NOW. THERE IS NO SOUND. THERE IS NO MOVEMENT EXCEPT FOR MY OWN. THERE IS NO CHANGE. NOTHING MOVES. THE STARS FALL DOWN, EMPTY EACH OF THEM FALLING INTO THE EARTH AS CHILDREN COVETED BY THE MOON. MY HEART IS AN EARTHQUAKE, IT COULD REND THIS LAND ASUNDER. BUT MY HEART IS AT PEACE. THE LAND FLOWS THROUGH ME LIKE WATER. THERE IS NOTHING THAT SEPERATES ME FROM IT. IT IS IN FACT, A PART OF ME, AN EXTENTION OF ME. WITHOUT ME IT DOES NOT EXIST, AND I ARISE IN MIGHT ABOVE IT. I AM THE FOE HAMMER. I AM THE RIVERS AND THE VALLEYS AND THE UNLIMITED SKYLINE. I AM THE STARS AND THE MOON AND THE SUN. I AM THE EARTH. EVERY STEP STRENGTHENS ME. THE WORLD IS NOTHING WITHOUT ME. IT BREATHES BECAUSE OF ME. I GIVE IT LIFE. IT IS MY CHILD. I AM AGELESS, WITHOUT AGE. I CAN NOT DIE HERE. I AM EVERYTHING. I AM VAST AND UNNAMEABLE. I HAVE NO NAME. THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR ME IN ANY TOUNGE. BUT TO SPEAK ANY WORD IS TO SPEAK MY NAME. I HAVE NO EQUAL. I AM THE FIRST, AND I AM THE LAST. I AM THE ALPHA AND I AM THE OMEGA. I WAS HERE BEFORE THE WORLD, AND I WILL REMAIN WHEN THE WORLD IS GONE. MY POWER FLOWS THROUGH ME LIKE ELECTRICITY. MY POWER IS SIMPLE. MY POWER IS LOVE.
Posted by justyourlaugh on January 25, 2003, at 17:57:24
In reply to [] SPEAK UNTO MY HEART A LIGHT OF SUNS [], posted by kid a on January 25, 2003, at 16:26:49
kid a -
wow!there are alot of "o's" in your post!
just kiding ,that was beautiful
it reminded me of a wonderful time in art school.
jyl
Posted by Alii on January 26, 2003, at 19:43:06
In reply to [] SPEAK UNTO MY HEART A LIGHT OF SUNS [], posted by kid a on January 25, 2003, at 16:26:49
> I AM IN AN EMPTY PLACE. I AM ALONE. THERE IS NOTHING HERE. THERE IS NOTHING. THERE IS AN EARTH, A FIRMAMENT, THERE IS ONLY MYSELF AMONGST THIS. I AM NOT AFRAID. I AM AFRAID OF NOTHING. EVERY STEP FILLS MY HEART WITH LIGHT. I AM BECOMING THE LIGHT. I AM BECOMING THE LIGHT. THE LIGHT IS A KIND OF LOVE. IT MAKES ME WHOLE. I AM STRONGER THAN THIS PLACE. I AM GROWING MORE POWERFULL WITH EACH STEP THAT I MAKE. THE LANDSCAPE IS NOTHING. IT BENDS TO MY WILL. IT DOES NOT EXIST. THERE IS NOTHING BUT MYSELF. I KNOW THIS NOW. THERE IS NO SOUND. THERE IS NO MOVEMENT EXCEPT FOR MY OWN. THERE IS NO CHANGE. NOTHING MOVES. THE STARS FALL DOWN, EMPTY EACH OF THEM FALLING INTO THE EARTH AS CHILDREN COVETED BY THE MOON. MY HEART IS AN EARTHQUAKE, IT COULD REND THIS LAND ASUNDER. BUT MY HEART IS AT PEACE. THE LAND FLOWS THROUGH ME LIKE WATER. THERE IS NOTHING THAT SEPERATES ME FROM IT. IT IS IN FACT, A PART OF ME, AN EXTENTION OF ME. WITHOUT ME IT DOES NOT EXIST, AND I ARISE IN MIGHT ABOVE IT. I AM THE FOE HAMMER. I AM THE RIVERS AND THE VALLEYS AND THE UNLIMITED SKYLINE. I AM THE STARS AND THE MOON AND THE SUN. I AM THE EARTH. EVERY STEP STRENGTHENS ME. THE WORLD IS NOTHING WITHOUT ME. IT BREATHES BECAUSE OF ME. I GIVE IT LIFE. IT IS MY CHILD. I AM AGELESS, WITHOUT AGE. I CAN NOT DIE HERE. I AM EVERYTHING. I AM VAST AND UNNAMEABLE. I HAVE NO NAME. THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR ME IN ANY TOUNGE. BUT TO SPEAK ANY WORD IS TO SPEAK MY NAME. I HAVE NO EQUAL. I AM THE FIRST, AND I AM THE LAST. I AM THE ALPHA AND I AM THE OMEGA. I WAS HERE BEFORE THE WORLD, AND I WILL REMAIN WHEN THE WORLD IS GONE. MY POWER FLOWS THROUGH ME LIKE ELECTRICITY. MY POWER IS SIMPLE. MY POWER IS LOVE.
Love will conquer all. Or pretty damn near all.~A.
Posted by kid a on January 26, 2003, at 22:03:01
In reply to Re: [] SPEAK UNTO MY HEART A LIGHT OF SUNS [] » kid a, posted by Alii on January 26, 2003, at 19:43:06
>
> Love will conquer all. Or pretty damn near all.
>
> ~A.Short poem for Alii, written as you read it, with no edits (even for spelling).
Still Moving.
Still, moving
amongst trees, fauna andshade the gossamer giants
roofs of the worldmade tired slowly by winds
time, & fed by rain, sun& by your face, candle lit
weathered by tearsYet stronger than those
mighty oak, those stonesthat transmute to gold,
ichor for your veinsArise now, arise oh
mighty Osiris!The world falls
before your feet.january 26, 2003.
love.
ps. its been YEARS since artschool, i write to live.
Posted by Alii on January 27, 2003, at 14:54:08
In reply to Re: [] SPEAK UNTO MY HEART A LIGHT OF SUNS [] » Alii, posted by kid a on January 26, 2003, at 22:03:01
Thank you dear one for such lovely words.
I'm still reeling from how love can be ripped right from one's soul. I thought I was fairly numb from the ADs I take and I thought I was dissociated most of the time....or only recently became aware of how dissociated I have been a lot of the time....but to feel my heart hurt so much is beyond anything I thought I could handle.
I had forgotten how much heartache really does hurt and how it can make the darkest of my depressions seem downright sunny and like a fucking cake walk.
The tears are lessening. The pain is constant. But for now I'm still planning on seeing my birthday roll around this year.
~A.
P.S. I am trying to come through this without medical intervention so reminders are essential to help me remember that pills won't fix this. Time might....
Posted by kid a on January 28, 2003, at 0:35:50
In reply to power and love and destruction » kid a, posted by Alii on January 27, 2003, at 14:54:08
> Thank you dear one for such lovely words.
no thanks necissary at all. none at all, but it is kept in my heart like a gift.
> I had forgotten how much heartache really does hurt and how it can make the darkest of my depressions seem downright sunny and like a fucking cake walk.
It's funny how we can let one person in our lives, well how we can let one special person into our lives, to whom we share our darkest secrets, how that person can take so much of ourselves away when their own weakness or personal need outweighs their ability to continue on within the confines of the realm that our own hearts have defined... How much we have built ourselve around just their mere presence... How much of ourselves we build into their existace.
> The tears are lessening. The pain is constant. But for now I'm still planning on seeing my birthday roll around this year.
oh and they do, but they are no less important now that they fall... and as have I felt them too... so many of us will...
> P.S. I am trying to come through this without medical intervention so reminders are essential to help me remember that pills won't fix this. Time might....
Time, yes, time... I've learned its a personal clock... how long... who can say... I've learned that there is no real clock, yet the one we keep each to ourselves... I've learned that grieving the loss of a friend we all knew and loved.
and love, yes. all my love to you.
Posted by bluedog on January 29, 2003, at 6:47:44
In reply to Re: power and love and destruction » Alii, posted by kid a on January 28, 2003, at 0:35:50
>
> > P.S. I am trying to come through this without medical intervention so reminders are essential to help me remember that pills won't fix this. Time might....
>
> Time, yes, time... I've learned its a personal clock... how long... who can say... I've learned that there is no real clock, yet the one we keep each to ourselves... I've learned that grieving the loss of a friend we all knew and loved.
>
> and love, yes. all my love to you.I sense something here that I hardly dare interrupt and I will ask no questions.
I have come to believe in time and in love. In the end that is all we have to rely on.
Thank you for the courage to share your private words on this terribly public forum as they have given me heart and they have given me strength.
I am not being trite and nor am I being facetious but I was lifted by your words kid-a.
Alii, even though I don't know you I know what it is to be human and I see that you have very dear friends here.
<end of interruption>Warm regards
bluedog
Posted by Alii on January 30, 2003, at 12:28:16
In reply to Re: [] SPEAK UNTO MY HEART A LIGHT OF SUNS [] » Alii, posted by kid a on January 26, 2003, at 22:03:01
> > Love will conquer all. Or pretty damn near all. ~A.
> Short poem for Alii, written as you read it, with no edits (even for spelling).
>
> Still Moving.
> Still, moving
> amongst trees, fauna and
> shade the gossamer giants
> roofs of the world
> made tired slowly by winds
> time, & fed by rain, sun
> & by your face, candle lit
> weathered by tears
> Yet stronger than those
> mighty oak, those stones
> that transmute to gold,
> ichor for your veins
> Arise now, arise oh
> mighty Osiris!
> The world falls
> before your feet.
> january 26, 2003.
> love.
January 30, 2003Unable to move.
Uable, yet again, to rise.The tiredness lives throughout my bones.
The tears do not stop.Sudden oak death can bring down a mighty oak
seemingly while people are watching it
for the very signs of illness.By the time they are aware it is too late.
The golden ichor runs icily cold throughout
the mixed up channels within this skin.This foreign body all angles and bones and unhealthy colouring.
There is nothing lovable here.Even the kindest of gardeners will tell you when to just let a diseased
plant go and start fresh with a new one.Osiris, king and judge of the dead, and Isis, goddess of fertility, cannot comfort me now.
I do not walk in their world nor will the medications and therapy make my existence any easier.
I speak back at your heart with the darkness of a thousand black holes.
~A.
Posted by kid a on January 30, 2003, at 15:17:43
In reply to Re: [] SPEAK UNTO MY HEART A LIGHT OF SUNS [] » kid a, posted by Alii on January 30, 2003, at 12:28:16
Slow song for sad boys
Sitting it the hotel
at Borhamwood IRead her letters
and felt somesmall sense of
joy.
Posted by Alii on January 30, 2003, at 23:53:09
In reply to slow song for sad boys » Alii, posted by kid a on January 30, 2003, at 15:17:43
> Slow song for sad boys
>
> Sitting it the hotel
> at Borhamwood I> Read her letters
> and felt some
> small sense of> joy.
That I am able to bring a small sense of joy to another is consolation at this time. I'd rather be on the end where I could feel joy and revel in it and be happy and run and sing and dance and just be free.....
...instead I curl up fetal and pray each time my eyes close for death. I cry awake each morning because it is yet another day I am alive. The hope and promise have left me. The old thought patterns are the strongest now.
My words written on paper brought moments of joy. Keep reminding me of that until you have a stronger sense of me rejoining that pact.
yers,
a.
This is the end of the thread.
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