![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kelly1 on May 16, 2003, at 0:52:34
I am in my early 20's. I have been unemployed since Feb of this year.
I have had only 1 job which lasted for 4 years. I started this job with my boyfriend (who is now my husband). Having him there made it easier for me and I didn't feel so alone.
Like I said, I recently quit my job. I hated it for the entire time I was there. But I was friends with all the other employees and I felt safe.
Now I am terrified to find another job. I am not lazy in any way. I am dying to do something. It's just that I feel so akward around people I don't know. I feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. I am also unable to make conversation which makes the situation worse.
I don't know what to do or why I feel this way.
Any advice?
Posted by bookgurl99 on May 16, 2003, at 1:45:42
In reply to I am scared to get a job., posted by Kelly1 on May 16, 2003, at 0:52:34
Kelly1,
I guess all I can say is that it's really hard to move from a comfortable situation where you're 'popular' to one where you don't know anybody. I've done this a couple times in my life, and it's tough.
I guess the thing that helps me is not to identify too strongly with the awkward, nerdy feeling -- everyone can feel that way in a new crowd, but it doesn't mean that we're _all_ awkward and nerdy, right?
I felt really self conscious and scared when I started my new job -- 9 months ago. But just the routine of work helps people get conversations started, and get to know each other slowly. Now, 9 months later, I'm on a 'beautification committee' (LOL) and know my coworkers a lot better. :D
books
Posted by lostsailor on May 16, 2003, at 8:52:14
In reply to Re: I am scared to get a job., posted by bookgurl99 on May 16, 2003, at 1:45:42
…I remember how stressed she was when job hunting a few months ago---hope that's not a secret bg +:) ) I am in the same boat, too.I have had some of the funniest jobs one can have. For years and balancing school and stuff at the same time I had two jobs, pt, one of witch I kept just for the fact that it was a "family" to me and the other for the money but also the great people I was with .
Right now I am on disability and like you hating it. I am not lazy, either but terrified. It's so hard to explain, but you prob. have the idea.
Just don't do what I did and try too much too fast. Look for something you like a bit, stalk it and check out who you new co-workers will be.
I think I need to take a bit of my own advice as soon as I calm down a bit...lol
Good luck and we are always here when you need us...isn't that a commercial???
~tony
Posted by bookgurl99 on May 16, 2003, at 9:08:38
In reply to Re: I am scared to get a job. take it from bookgrl, posted by lostsailor on May 16, 2003, at 8:52:14
>
> …I remember how stressed she was when job hunting a few months ago---hope that's not a secret bg +:) ) I am in the same boat, too.
>
no big deal, tony. LOL. :D
> Just don't do what I did and try too much too fast. Look for something you like a bit, stalk it and check out who you new co-workers will be.One of my friends on disability (she has DID) has been doing volunteer work to get used to the rhythm of working again, and to sort of 'try out' how ready she is for working. It sounds like a good, cheap way to get ready for work to me!
Posted by fallsfall on May 16, 2003, at 10:32:00
In reply to Re: I am scared to get a job. take it from bookgrl » lostsailor, posted by bookgurl99 on May 16, 2003, at 9:08:38
I volunteered as a step to a fulltime job the last time I was disabled. It was wonderful. You walk in the door and they are so thrilled just to see you. If you do something (anything) they are ecstatic. If you can't make it in they are concerned about you, but certainly not mad. If you want to be appreciated and loved, try volunteering. You can start out slow (2 hours a week) and build up as you can handle it. I volunteered at the Library and at the school computer lab. The library ended up hiring me for a part time job as a children's librarian. It's a great way to get back into working.
Posted by WorryGirl on May 17, 2003, at 19:51:06
In reply to I am scared to get a job., posted by Kelly1 on May 16, 2003, at 0:52:34
> I am in my early 20's. I have been unemployed since Feb of this year.
>
> I have had only 1 job which lasted for 4 years. I started this job with my boyfriend (who is now my husband). Having him there made it easier for me and I didn't feel so alone.
>
> Like I said, I recently quit my job. I hated it for the entire time I was there. But I was friends with all the other employees and I felt safe.
>
> Now I am terrified to find another job. I am not lazy in any way. I am dying to do something. It's just that I feel so akward around people I don't know. I feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. I am also unable to make conversation which makes the situation worse.
>
> I don't know what to do or why I feel this way.
>
> Any advice?
Hi Kelly,
I know how you feel. I am terribly anxious around other people, unless I know them well and feel that they like me. In several jobs, I felt safe because I had been there long enough to have had made friends. In those situations, I really thrived.It is always hard in new situations, especially jobs. I perform best in jobs that let me work relatively independently, with no competition between other workers.
There are opportunities working from home on your computer available, ranging from working for a big company to working for yourself.
For a while, on the side, I sold items on online auctions and did very well. I wanted to get rid of a few things I owned that I thought were relatively valuable. I liked it so much that I started buying used items and selling those. After having two children, though, it isn't feasible at this time of my life. Just a suggestion.
Since I am dealing with social anxiety issues myself, I don't feel like I can give you very good advice. If I smile, and someone is friendly, then I feel much less awkward, but this rarely happens to me these days.
I do wish the best for you and hope you get more comfortable socially. Therapy and/or medications might help you if you are diagnosed with social anxiety disorder or general anxiety disorder or various phobias.
When interviewing, maybe you could find out some way to ask how the attitude is among the other employees. If they say, "we are like family here", it can go either way. They could be very cliquish and not open to outsiders, gossipping and backstabbing, etc. Or, they could be a wonderful bunch of people. I've worked in both types of situations.
If your interviewer says, "we are too busy to socialize", that can be a good thing if you don't mind long hours!
Good luck
Posted by noa on May 21, 2003, at 19:01:23
In reply to I am scared to get a job., posted by Kelly1 on May 16, 2003, at 0:52:34
Kelly,
I think it is a great thing to have kept a job for 4 years when you are so young! When I think back at my early work history, I usually had jobs for a year, two at the most. Having kept a job for 4 years speaks to stability and stick-to-it-iveness.
And I also like that when you were miserable, you decided to get out. That is a skill, too!
Don't get too discouraged by your current situation.
Does your area have a commission for women? Sometimes they have great workshops and support groups on issues related to working and career. If not, there must be some other organizations that provide counseling or coaching in career issues, including how to deal with the anxiety that you experience about finding a new job.
Your intuition tells you that you want to be productively working--that it would feel better. Go with that. See a vocational counselor, find a support group for job seekers, do some temp work, do some volunteer work.
Even though you had relied on the safety of a familiar situation, you did actually get 4 years solid work experience, and some skills with that, I'm sure. Even though you are anxious about it, you can use that experience in a new situation. It is part of you!
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.