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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 16 to 40 of 53. Go back in thread:
Posted by noa on July 19, 2003, at 15:31:58
In reply to I'm still up » kara lynne, posted by gabbix2 on July 19, 2003, at 2:30:09
Remember the show the Golden Girls? Wasn't it amazing that they ALWAYS had cheese cake on hand for these late group chats when they were all agitated about something?
Hope y'all are feeling better today. At least a bit.
Posted by Tabitha on July 19, 2003, at 15:43:01
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... But I'm Not Sure They Believed Me » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on July 19, 2003, at 9:17:29
thanks Dinah. I don't have that 'this is the right thing to do' feeling about it, but I definitely had that 'this is NOT right' feeling about continuing to work there, or about starting a new job search right now. I just feel depressed now, and overwhelmed at the thought of really cleaning out my office, and telling everyone else I've given notice with no real plans, and not having A JOB or school to go to for the first time in my entire adult life.
I also haven't really made health insurance arrangements. It may sound odd but I didn't want to find out how expensive it will be to purchase, and keep working just for that reason. If it's too expensive, I'll just shorten my break, or -gasp- just go without insurance for a time.
I tell myself I'm usually depressed the first few days of any vacation, until I get settled into a routine.
My boss was quick to figure out what kind of short-term assignment she could give me for my last 2 weeks. Can you believe it? Like I'm going to do any actual WORK from here out. I think she could use a sabbatical.
Posted by gabbix2 on July 19, 2003, at 16:01:32
In reply to Re: I'm still up, posted by noa on July 19, 2003, at 15:31:58
NO I am not feeling better and I will never feel better NEVER ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever NEVER!
I just like to say that because when I feel that way and then type it out I realize how ridiculous it looks.
Messing with my own head is just too easy.
Posted by Dinah on July 19, 2003, at 16:44:11
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... But I'm Not Sure They Believed Me » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on July 19, 2003, at 15:43:01
Chuckle. Well, that shows how much she respects and admires your work ethic, I guess. But I'm with you. Except training someone to your job responsibilities it's hard to imagine working your heart out in your two week notice.
Health insurance, that's always the rotten part. Cobra should help though, right? And the new portability law?
What does your therapist think of it all? I think I remember she had reservations. Do you think that is affecting you?
I was really depressed the other day when I realized I had another 25 years (at least) of work ahead of me. That's a bit longer than the time I've already put in so far. I think that kind of time commitment deserves some thought. Even if you decide to stay in the field you're in, you won't do it with as much resentment.
Are you still considering going back to school?
Posted by Tabitha on July 19, 2003, at 16:57:27
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... But I'm Not Sure They Believed Me » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on July 19, 2003, at 16:44:11
Ha, I haven't even been working 8 hr days the past couple months... haven't really been busy at all. No way am I going to dive into a new task at this point. My boss and her boss (my former boss) are the type who read and send company email 24/7, even on 'vacation'.
Cobra, I've heard is more expensive than just buying it outright, but at least it's a guarantee of coverage. Once again, I should do my homework and find out the rate. I plan to use cobra as last resort if they won't cover me due to pre-existing condition or something.
My therapist has been supportive of the sabbatical idea for a while. She was less than supportive when I was just wanting to quit to escape stress. She now seems convinced I can use the time to evaluate what I want next career-wise, or life-wise.
But for now, ugh, I just feel depressed. And it's hot here. Think I'll go wander someplace air-conditioned.
Posted by noa on July 19, 2003, at 18:28:03
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... But I'm Not Sure They Believed Me » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on July 19, 2003, at 16:57:27
The reason I think it is better to get COBRA coverage is that in order to benefit from some of the benefits of HIPAA (like no exclusions based on pre-existing conditions), you need to have continuous GROUP coverage.
If you buy insurance on your own, it could cost less, but then you also might lose your HIPAA elegibility, which could later affect whether you are denied certain coverage due to pre-existing conditions. Also, individually purchased plans tend to have more scanty coverage options than group plans do (although I don't know what your current group plan is like).
In addition to COBRA, I think many states have emergency gap coverage so that you don't lose your HIPAA elegibility if your COBRA runs out before you get new coverage.
I am not sure of all the details--
See the HIPAA website for more info:
Posted by Tabitha on July 19, 2003, at 21:05:44
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... But I'm Not Sure They Believed Me » Tabitha, posted by noa on July 19, 2003, at 18:28:03
WOw, thanks Noa. I had never heard of HIPAA. It looks like I'd better use the COBRA coverage, since I'm sure the insurers would be eager to use pre-existing condition exclusions on my mental health coverage.
Posted by noa on July 19, 2003, at 22:32:53
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... But I'm Not Sure They Believed Me » noa, posted by Tabitha on July 19, 2003, at 21:05:44
Yes, but Tab, read the info on the HIPAA site first--don't take my word for it--get the info from the source.
Posted by Tabitha on July 20, 2003, at 0:44:44
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... But I'm Not Sure They Believed Me » Tabitha, posted by noa on July 19, 2003, at 22:32:53
I did read it, honest.
Posted by noa on July 20, 2003, at 10:24:24
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... But I'm Not Sure They Believed Me » noa, posted by Tabitha on July 20, 2003, at 0:44:44
: - )
I just worry in case my info isn't accurate!
Posted by Greg on July 21, 2003, at 13:38:51
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... But I'm Not Sure They Believed Me » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on July 19, 2003, at 16:44:11
> Chuckle. Well, that shows how much she respects and admires your work ethic, I guess. But I'm with you. Except training someone to your job responsibilities it's hard to imagine working your heart out in your two week notice.
Are you saying our dear, sweet little Tabitha might have a case of Short Timer's Disease?
God, I'd kill for case of Short Timer's Disease. I hate my job... But I hate not being able to pay my bills even more.
Tell me Tab, did it feel good to tell them to take their job and stick it where the sun don't shine? I need to live vicariously thru you, if you don't mind that is.
A very jealous,
Grrrrrrrreg
Posted by Tabitha on July 21, 2003, at 15:04:59
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... But I'm Not Sure They Believed Me, posted by Greg on July 21, 2003, at 13:38:51
Goodness no, Greg, I didn't complain about the job one bit. Don't want to burn any bridges with this. Who knows, I may end up doing consulting or part-time work for them, and either way I want a good reference. The only way I'm showing my dissatisfaction (besides quitting) is showing up later and later.
Posted by Tabitha on July 26, 2003, at 2:08:29
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... But I'm Not Sure They Believed Me » Greg, posted by Tabitha on July 21, 2003, at 15:04:59
they turned down my request for a leave of absence... so I resigned. I felt happy secretly, since the whole leave of absence idea was just a ploy to leave nicely, I don't really want to go back, unless it's the last job on earth, or it magically changes into dream company while I'm on my sabbatical, or the great insight that I get while unemployed is that I really DON'T deserve any better after all, or hell freezes over.
I was still ambiguous about my end date, saying I want to do everything I can to help the transition, etc (a bunch of crap, I'm just trying to be nice due to aforementioned remote possibility that I might want to work for them again).
It's either one week from now, which would be a little tacky, although I did bring this up last week, it was in this ambiguous state for a week; or else 2 more weeks. Yuck, 2 weeks sounds like such a long time. I can barely occupy myself for 6-7 hours as it is.
I haven't yet made a general announcement. Only a few people know.
Here it comes.... my 6-12 months of voluntary unemployment! Yay. Scary yet exciting. I did it! Finally!
How long have I been talking about this? At least since christmas, maybe longer.
Just one tiny little step.. telling my boss's boss, the guy who hired me. My actual boss will be out for 2 weeks. Good, no possibility to finally explode and say anything negative. Cause you know, it's not you, it's me. It's just a personal thing, nothing against the company. Hahahahah evil laugh.
Posted by Dinah on July 26, 2003, at 5:00:38
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... Update... Freedom!, posted by Tabitha on July 26, 2003, at 2:08:29
I'm glad for you, Tabitha. I know you've been wanting this for some time, and it's a well thought out decision.
I think we underestimate sometimes how very bad for us our jobs can be, and you've taken some time to give the whole thing some thought.
Hooray!
Posted by noa on July 26, 2003, at 8:59:04
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... Update... Freedom!, posted by Tabitha on July 26, 2003, at 2:08:29
Hey, Tab. Congratulations.
Two weeks really isn't that long, since you will be spending some of the time cleaning out your desk, cleaning out your files, wrapping up loose ends, talking to HR about cobra, etc. And connecting to people in the organization (if there are any) that you will want to keep some contact with, etc.
Posted by fallsfall on July 26, 2003, at 10:14:08
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... Update... Freedom! » Tabitha, posted by noa on July 26, 2003, at 8:59:04
That's wonderful, Tabitha!
During those two weeks I'm sure you will need to read lots of documents or papers. No one needs to know that you are daydreaming about what you will do in week 3!
Enjoy
Posted by Tabitha on July 29, 2003, at 0:11:32
In reply to Re: I Quit My Job... Update... Freedom!, posted by Tabitha on July 26, 2003, at 2:08:29
Warning: another long rambling post.
I got there today, my boss's boss (for brevity I'll call him boss-2) had sent me email with a whole list of tasks I'm supposed to get done by friday. This all in addition to what I'd agreed to do last week in our normal meeting. Weird, since for 2 mos I've barely been busy, and this isn't really stuff I'd normally do. It's like he's woken up to the fact that I'm not busy. But these tasks were all sort of beneath my level of what I'm supposed to do. Plus there's no way this stuff could possibly be finished in a week--it was ridiculous.
But anyway, I thought-- didn't the HR lady tell him what happened? So I went and told him my 2 week notice, and it was a surprise to him, and awkward. He didn't even know they had refused my leave. He asked me to stay one extra week til Aug 15 since it turns out my underling is on vacation Aug 1-15, which this is the first I'd heard of it. I said no, I was already planning a vacation for August, needed time to prepare, and that it's hard being here still with one foot out the door. (The one week doesn't really matter I don't think. I don't want them to have time to burden me with a bunch of last-minute goals.)
And none of these tasks are related to training a replacement or handing off my knowledge-- it's just using me to keep doing the work. Short-sighted use of my time at this point.
So why the guilt? It was just awkward that he didn't know what had happened, and apparently was still not believing I was going so soon. Initially I had said Aug 1, so I'm already staying a week longer than I wanted. He looked angry and hurt. Probably partly that the VP refused my leave that he had asked for for me, not just anger at me. Angry that he didn't have enough influence to get the leave for me.
He said he'd talk to my boss, who's on vacation. So if my last day is Aug 8 I won't even see my boss or my underling then. The Boss-2 is out the rest of this week, so I can announce my leaving to everyone.
I'm afraid people will try to drag complaints out of me, and make it a little drama, like I got pissed off over something and quit impulsively, and try to generally whip up something gossip-worthy for entertainment.
I just want out. It feels like constant painful stress now. I'm fighting guilt, and I think it's going to get worse tomorrow when I tell more people. My underling will probably be openly hostile and critical, since he's most likely to get stuck doing more work that would have been dumped on me.
Friday I told the HR lady I was still willing to negotiate my end date, possibly take a week off then come back to stretch out the total time, but this weekend I realized-- why should I keep taking care of them? If they had given me the leave status I'd feel like I had a reason to negotiate. Plus... I'm thinking of BurningMan 2003, which is last week of August, and takes a lot of preparation. Plus... it's just so hard leaving. I can't stand to drag it out longer. It's constant pain and stress.
Already the one person I trust most, I had told her what was happening, and today I told her August 8 was my last day, that they denied my leave, and she said 'so you just quit' and I immediately took it as criticism, which I'm sure it doesn't have to be, but I'm going to be interpreting everything as guilt-inducing from here out.
Aaaak!
Posted by Dinah on July 29, 2003, at 0:21:41
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Guilt, posted by Tabitha on July 29, 2003, at 0:11:32
I understand why you feel that way. But as you know, it isn't warranted. They refused to grant you leave, why should you change your plans and inconvenience yourself for them. You gave them the proper notice.
If they had been a place that showed its workers loyalty and support, it would be different. But if it had been that sort of place you wouldn't be leaving.
The only *possible* reason I could see for putting yourself through more than what is standard for them is if you wish to work there again. And it doesn't sound as if you do.
I know you know all this. :)
(((Tabitha)))
How many working days till freedom?
Posted by Tabitha on July 29, 2003, at 1:04:03
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Guilt » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on July 29, 2003, at 0:21:41
Well, I don't exactly want to work there again, but I don't want to burn bridges either.
Your question... only 9 more work days. Wow, I never thought of it that way. Wow. Only nine days. Wow.
Posted by noa on July 29, 2003, at 19:37:01
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Guilt, posted by Tabitha on July 29, 2003, at 0:11:32
Sounds like an organization with major communications problems!
Don't feel you have to take care of them. Do what you need to do.
Posted by Tabitha on July 30, 2003, at 1:38:52
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Guilt » Tabitha, posted by noa on July 29, 2003, at 19:37:01
Thanks Noa. I need that kind of validation. My therapist pointed out that they're wanting me to compromise my vacation since 3 other people are on vacation now. I hadn't thought of my time as my vacation. Like it's less valuable since there will be so much of it. Sheesh.
Anyway I'm sticking to the Aug 8 date. This only amounts to 3 week notice, since they messed around for a week with deciding to not give me my leave. So I didn't give in much.
From what I know about your job dynamics, you must appreciate the effort it's taking me to leave in a friendly, professional way. I did some generalized griping about being bored lately, but I have not bad-mouthed any particular people. Not one bit! In fact I'm finding it in myself to say sincere nice things to the people I've had the most difficulty with. It feels good to take the high road.
Posted by Tabitha on July 30, 2003, at 14:08:40
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Guilt » noa, posted by Tabitha on July 30, 2003, at 1:38:52
I think the guilt passed. Now I'm so HAPPY at my pending vacation. I've thought of about a thousand things I want to do. I feel like a kid the week before christmas!
Posted by fallsfall on July 30, 2003, at 17:06:36
In reply to Re: Happy!, posted by Tabitha on July 30, 2003, at 14:08:40
Posted by Dinah on July 30, 2003, at 17:45:32
In reply to Re: Happy!, posted by Tabitha on July 30, 2003, at 14:08:40
Posted by noa on August 1, 2003, at 11:46:57
In reply to Re: Yet another update... Guilt » noa, posted by Tabitha on July 30, 2003, at 1:38:52
>From what I know about your job dynamics, you must appreciate the effort it's taking me to leave in a friendly, professional way. I did some generalized griping about being bored lately, but I have not bad-mouthed any particular people. Not one bit! In fact I'm finding it in myself to say sincere nice things to the people I've had the most difficulty with. It feels good to take the high road.
Yes, it is hard to do that, and I admire you for it!! When I eventually leave my job, I also want to be able to do it without burning bridges--but it is hard because of the frustration and anger I feel.
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