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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gabbix2 on August 3, 2003, at 14:51:32
I know you don't like weekends, cause fewer people post so I thought I'd let you know I've been helplessly reading your posts and relating to everything you've said, but just not been able to respond.
Misery loves company is the best I can do.
I know I've mentioned to you about my getting better from depression, and trust me I have,
for long and worthwhile periods of time!
I haven't lied to you.
I get triggered really easily though, and happen to be in the deep dark abyss right now because my boyfriends gone, and I start school in a month.
Its like the fat lady in the canoe with me. Any change will do it, and I mean any. Even a change in seasons. So this is big stuff for me.
It wasn't this way always though. And it won't be for you. IT WON'T
And it wouldn't have to be for me either if I'd take zyprexa but I hate the fact that I gain weight from it.SO HI!!!
I'm having an awful weekend too.
Posted by yesac on August 3, 2003, at 15:59:17
In reply to Hello Yesac, posted by gabbix2 on August 3, 2003, at 14:51:32
Hi Gabbi,
Well, thanks so much for reading my posts... I've really been wondering where everyone is, and figuring that they must be out having a great weekend like everyone else in the world. Okay, I know that's not true, it's just how I feel a lot.
It makes me feel so pathetic. A lot of people here say they hate weekends, but then they disappear too.
>
> Misery loves company is the best I can do.Yeah... it just makes me even more depressed when I come to the board and no one has responded and there don't even seem to be new posts.
How long did it take for you to get better?
I mean, maybe my expectations are unreal. I tried a few medications a few years ago, those didn't work. Then, it just wasn't "convenient" for me to try any more for a while, or I just didn't feel like it. I have, however, been in therapy off-and-on for for about 4 years, but there have been many different therapists, none for longer than about 7 months at a time.
Then, back in November was when I really started trying to find the right med(s). But the shrink I saw for a while was at a community clinic and she was always booked, could only see her once every couple months, + I didn't particularly like her. So in early April, I started seeing another shrink who is in private practice. And that's when the aggressive treatment really began. I see him a lot, compared to every other psychiatrist I've seen. He's good. But anyways... through all of these years and trying different drugs, nothing has worked. I'm so afraid that nothing will EVER work.
I'm sorry about your boyfriend. And I know how incredibly stressful going back to school can be. In college, I got really depressed every year about going back.
> It wasn't this way always though. And it won't be for you. IT WON'T
I hope. I really sometimes just don't know what to do. I feel so frustrated and discouraged.
Well, the weekend's almost over. Almost.
But now I just feel really really stressed about money issues. And to top things off, my f**ckin AC in my car seems to have broken. And there is an odd squeaking noise under the hood, which is rather embarrassing. AC can be really expensive to get fixed, I've heard. I really don't want to have to do this, but I think I might ask my parents to pay for it to get fixed. I just can not afford it, and it is so hot here (often 90-95 degrees F most of the summer). Another issue about getting it fixed is that if it takes a few days, I'll be without my car, and I don't really know what to do about that. I really need it.
I hope this isn't too long and boring for you. It feels good to vent. I really appreciate knowing that you are there and reading my posts.
Posted by gabbix2 on August 3, 2003, at 16:39:07
In reply to Re: Hello Yesac » gabbix2, posted by yesac on August 3, 2003, at 15:59:17
Hey,
Lets see, what I've learned in depression school.
I suspect your brain is playing the really nasty anxiety trick on you. Which is, you'd be feeling
the anxiety/depression anyway, but brains being what they are, they have to find a reason to attach the anxiety too, so they will make you freak about things that perhaps aren't even really problems.I know thats what my brain does. If my life is secure, but anxiety rears its ugly head due to chemical imbalance, I'll suddenly suspect that my closest friends are angry with me, or get overly upset about something like a skein of wool. Try to keep that in mind, if you are really panicking over money that might not be as serious as you think.
As for medication. Thats tricky, some people need cocktails of medication and you do have to keep trying, and its exhausting. I was fortunate, my first Psychiatrist was a genius, I don't have him anymore which is why I'm suffering now.
But it took 5 different medications, and then the addition of dexedrine, and a thyroid medication
to keep me stable for 8 years. Some people have had to try as many as 27.
Its incredibly difficult especially if you have a Dr who wants you to take one pill and merrily
walk off into the sunset. My current G.P, said to me last week he was "Sick and tired of this"
Fortunately Dr's no longer intimidate me, but at one time that would have had me in tears.
I simply said "YOU'RE TIRED OF IT! THIS IS MY LIFE! You're a young Dr perhaps you can use this as a learning experience. I still can't believe
I talk that way now, but you have to.The web has helped me a lot, its good to arm yourself with the knowledge that having you settle for half a life is not what a good physician expects and you have a right to feel normal.
And don't worry about long posts, they always seem longer to write than to read.
Posted by yesac on August 3, 2003, at 17:16:47
In reply to Re: Hello Yesac » yesac, posted by gabbix2 on August 3, 2003, at 16:39:07
Yes, it's true. I mean, I think that there could be other times when I was feeling "better" in general, that I would not be so upset about the stupid skein. But, right now, crocheting has become for me something to look forward to and something that calms me a bit, and I am also so close to finishing the blanket... it's very frustrating to go from store to store trying to find this one friggin color, and not find it. And I think to myself "what am I gonna do if I can't crochet?" I even considered buying some different yarn to start a new project. But I didn't.
I've counted my meds, and all-in-all, I've taken 12 different things, some alone, some with each other. My doctor is totally willing to do complex combos, and he doesn't seem to be adverse to trying things that aren't that typical. But it did bother me a little bit last week, because he said not to go above 60mg of Parnate, and also that I can't take a stimulant with Parnate. But I've found on this board as well as doing google searches and such, that people do both of these things. I feel like he could have looked into it more.
I can't believe your doctor said he's sick and tired of it! Doctors aren't supposed to be sick and tired of it - they are supposed to help you and keep trying no matter what. Do you see just a GP for your psych meds? My psychiatrist did say to me last week that he's frustrated too, but it was more of a "we're in this together" sort of thing rather than he's annoyed.
I love the web too. I find out so much info about drugs, among other things. And it can be a good way to wile (?) the hours away!
Posted by gabbix2 on August 3, 2003, at 17:41:07
In reply to Re: Hello Yesac » gabbix2, posted by yesac on August 3, 2003, at 17:16:47
I'm sorry, I guess if you find one thing that you can concentrate on and makes you feel better
like crocheting the skein of wool would be a huge deal! Crap!
Well it sounds like there isn't much you haven't
been through with the medication. I hate that when my hellish experiences can't even help someone. Its great though that at you do have a dr. who's will to experiment,
So I'm back to the feeble:
Hang in there
Posted by yesac on August 4, 2003, at 13:37:05
In reply to Re: Hello Yesac » yesac, posted by gabbix2 on August 3, 2003, at 17:41:07
I feel somewhat better today. I guess being at work is good for me because, besides being with people even if we don't talk much while we are working, also at work I just don't really have to worry about what I am going to do with myself.
About medication - I mean, yeah, I've been through a lot it seems, but I know there are others out there who have been through many more. Sometimes, on bad days, I just feel really frustrated and hopeless about the whole situation. But as my doctor has said, "well, there is always something else to try". I hope he's right.
And... I really like and appreciate the expression "hang in there". So thanks.
This is the end of the thread.
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