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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on August 7, 2003, at 0:12:22
My daughter is 15. She is basically a good, responsible kid. Recently, however, she has been pushing against the rules (and I don't really have a whole lot of them) and rebelling against anything I say.
I paid her to do some lawn work (blowing leaves, picking up sticks). When I showed her how to use the leaf blower I told her that the extension cords had to be neatly coiled when she was done. When she did the lawn work this last time she left the leaf blower (plugged in ) in the middle of the back yard and the wheelbarrow in the front yard. Needless to say, it has rained about 3" since then. Today I left the house and asked her to bring all of that stuff in before it starts to rain again. She assured me that she would. Nothing was done when I got back. I wanted to go out again, but I knew she wouldn't put the stuff away and it had started sprinkling on my way home. I told her to do it then because I wanted to go out. She was not interested. Finally, I gave her the choice of sitting in the kitchen or bringing the stuff in. She brought the stuff in.
The other night I went to bed at midnight. At 1AM she hadn't come to bed so I called down for her to come to bed. At 2:30 I went to the bathroom and noticed that her light was on. She was lying in bed talking to a friend on the phone. She didn't understand why I had a problem with that. (I wake her up at noon, and she may come downstairs by 1:30PM)
Tonight we had a little "discussion" about whether I was going to drive her down the street so she could dogsit. When she got home at 11:30 I told her to go to bed ("I'm not tired"). She wanted to send IMs to two people telling them that she was going to bed. So I said that she could send 2 1 line IMs (I was using the computer). So she decided that she would go sleep at her dad's (3 doors down), so she could IM more and stay up later. She expected me to flip out, but I said fine and gave her a hug.
I can't live with her constant arguing and complete devaluing of me. I haven't had the energy to set limits and enforce them, and I'm sure that has been instrumental in getting us where we are today. Maybe I'm trying to change too many things at once - but there are so many more that we haven't talked about (crud on the floor, clothes all over the house, the fact that she has nothing planned for the next month).
Thanks for listening. I couldn't go to bed. Her going to her dad's has been a real problem for me in the past. I think it is OK this time. My therapist is on vacation. I was looking at his picture on the web. I wish that I felt strong. I just feel desperate and angry - not a good combination when dealing with people.
Posted by Willow on August 7, 2003, at 3:53:53
In reply to Teenagers, posted by fallsfall on August 7, 2003, at 0:12:22
Fall
Sorry to say I can't offer much solid advice. My oldest is 12 and I didn't think it could get much worse than yesterday. She was in tears because she couldn't find a pair of jeans to fit, and I think she was starting to direct her frustration at me. But now after reading your post, yep, it can get worse.
My daughter hates when I say this, but I do recall that "that age" (being 15) mother~daughter relationships can become strained. I know mine definitely was and the neighbours became so and a friend's teenager went through alot of angst. What all these families had in common was that the father wasn't living in the home. I don't know if this is a real factor or if the cause is just a fact of life; Our daughters evoling from children into independant young women.
As another parent, all I can say is hold the allowance until the job is done correctly, perhaps even giving warning that no payment will be made if you need to complete the work. And then next time, if you feel the need to finish up loose ends do so. Regarding the computer, ours was down for a few days (monitor died) and suprisingly my pre-teen ventured out of the house.
> Thanks for listening. I couldn't go to bed. Her going to her dad's has been a real problem for me in the past. I think it is OK this time.
Ah, yes, rejoice that there's another adult for her to torture. Hopefully her father has the sense to lay down a few guidelines.
Well it has been awhile since I've watched the sunrise. Think I'll go make another cup of coffee, eat my meds, and get the washing machine going. Count your blessings, at least the father isn't living under your roof. A middle aged spouse I think is worse than a teenager. At least the teenagers grow up.
GOOD MORNING
Winking Willow
Posted by fallsfall on August 7, 2003, at 7:48:52
In reply to Re: Teenagers OUCH, posted by Willow on August 7, 2003, at 3:53:53
Willow,
Thank you for the validation (But now after reading your post, yep, it can get worse. Count your blessings, at least the father isn't living under your roof. A middle aged spouse I think is worse than a teenager. At least the teenagers grow up.)
She is my 3rd child - and the hardest. At least I got some practice with the easier ones.
Her father will set no limits (though he doesn't like the argumentative mouth) - her brother often goes to bed at 5AM and sleeps until dinnertime (obviously, her brother lives with her dad).
I did IM her to say good night and that I loved her. She said good night and she loves me, too.
It's like there is an ugly layer on top of my beautiful child. I'm trying to see that she is trying to separate and honor that as much as I can. But I can't let her be abusive to me - I can't handle that, and it teaches her the wrong thing, too.
Wanna do my wash, too?
This is the end of the thread.
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