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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jai on November 1, 2003, at 12:08:43
Problem:
I am part of a group trying to find the bodies of two women who disappeared 2 1/2 years ago. The potential and probable killer is a convicted sexual perpetrator. He just got out of prison and was released a few days ago back into my community. I was molested as an infant. I have worked on this issue with a therapist and used EMDR for this problem. But this man fits the description of my perpetrator. I am afraid of this man. I have been part of the search group all summer. I am having might mares I wake up at 3am afraid he is in my room. The last search will be on November 8th. I want to be there to support the family. But one of the family members said he might show up to the search. I don't want to meet him at all especially in this context. Other people who know all about this search have told me to stop being afraid. How do you control fear in your dreams or when you wake up at 3am? This guy doesn't know me and my fear is ungrounded in the here and now. I am not currently seeing a therapist. I really want to go to the search. How can I protect myself under these circumstances?
Posted by deirdrehbrt on November 1, 2003, at 17:12:57
In reply to How to protect myself, posted by Jai on November 1, 2003, at 12:08:43
Jai,
I can't tell you how not to be scared, but there are ways that you can keep control over the things that will happen on the search.
The most important is to always be in sight of another searcher. Usually, at least around here, when we are doing search and rescue, we will form a line, and keep those to the left and right of us visible. If we are spreading out to far, the line will close in so that we can see and hear each other.
The second important thing is to make the group leader aware of this individual. If He shows up, then the group leader has the abitlity to do what he sees fit regarding this man. He should not be allowed to see the search roster; that will keep him from finding your address should he show up.
If you know that he is around, then the police probably do as well. If they don't, you may want to make them aware that this person is around, and that he is showing interest in the disappearance of these women.
As far as worrying about fires, etc. I tend to do the same thing. I am always worried when I leave the house that I might have left a burner on, or something left plugged in and on that I didn't want to. I don't know if that is a symptom of one of my ills, but I view it as mostly harmless. I may worry that I'll see the fire department when I round the corner to my place, but so far, they haven't been there, so I guess I'm turning all of the things off that I want off.
I do worry about my daughters. I hate to know that one or the other will be somewhere alone, or out of my reach. It is truly frightening, but I know that they are smart, and they know how to be safe.
I guess what works for me is to identify my fears, decide how to prevent the thing that frightens me, put that solution into action, and remember what has been done when I'm scared again. That doesn't always eliminate the fear, but it does remind me that reasonable steps have been taken, and that my kids are as safe as they can be.
I don't know that this will help, but I hope so. I hope that these women are found so that their families may be able to find some resolution and peace. You are certainly an incredible person for the work that you are doing. Those can be long and tiring and emotional days.
Dee.
Posted by Jai on November 1, 2003, at 18:54:56
In reply to Re: How to protect myself » Jai, posted by deirdrehbrt on November 1, 2003, at 17:12:57
thank you so much I just didn't know if this topic was suitable for this forum. I think it's an amazing thing to search for the bodies of people who have been killed. I have never been involved in a search for the bodies of anyone before. I feel so much love for these people. the mother is so overwhelmed and the sister is beyond overwhelmed. But they want closure. I guess if it was my sister I would want that too. thank you for your response.
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