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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Speaker on November 2, 2003, at 22:41:38
I have a good relationship with my therapist and have been seeing him for a couple of years. My problem is that at times we set up a time for him to call me in between appointments. When he forgets to call (which has happened several times this year) my feelings are so hurt I can't think of much else for a day or so. I know the therapist is going through some personal problems and I try to give him a break for that but I don't know what to do with the pain. When it happens and I go in and talk with him about it he is always sorry but it makes me mad that I pay him for a session to deal with how he treats me. This is my first post on any board and I will appreciate any input.
Posted by Dinah on November 2, 2003, at 23:05:52
In reply to No call back therapist, posted by Speaker on November 2, 2003, at 22:41:38
I hate it when my therapist does something that breaks up the constancy and predictability of our relationship. But to be completely practical about the matter, can you make arrangements with him for what to do if he forgets? That if he hasn't called you by a certain time you'll call him, or something. If it's all set up and part of the normal arrangements, maybe you won't feel as hurt.
It sounds as if you have a therapist you can talk openly with. That's the main step.
Posted by Tabitha on November 2, 2003, at 23:48:02
In reply to No call back therapist, posted by Speaker on November 2, 2003, at 22:41:38
To me those are 2 red flags-- the missed appointments, and the fact that he has confided in you about having personal problems. It doesn't sound like he is maintaining good boundaries with you.
Posted by Speaker on November 3, 2003, at 0:39:50
In reply to Re: No call back therapist, posted by Tabitha on November 2, 2003, at 23:48:02
Tabitha,
Actually, we live in a small community and I am aware of his personal problems through other sources. He maintains extremely good boundries for a small community...just doesn't call when he states he will.
Posted by Speaker on November 3, 2003, at 0:44:33
In reply to Re: No call back therapist » Speaker, posted by Dinah on November 2, 2003, at 23:05:52
Dinah,
He has told me in the past that I should call him if he forgets. I guess its a part of thinking that my pain isn't important enough for anyone to remember...even when I pay them. Or as I tell my husband its not the same to ask for flowers and then get them. If he says he will call isn't he suppose to build the trust...isn't that his job? Maybe I expect too much!
Posted by deirdrehbrt on November 3, 2003, at 7:18:01
In reply to Re: Dinah - No call back therapist, posted by Speaker on November 3, 2003, at 0:44:33
He should not be forgetting to call. Once I can understand and he apologizes. That's OK, but not more than once. It almost sounds like my daughter ("Child, you forgot to put the eggs back in the fridge", "I'm sorry, Mom", but she forgets the next time, too. Her "I'm sorry" is missing the "and I'll work hard to remember next time". She just knows I'll get off her back if she says "I'm sorry").
Next time you set up a call like that, tell him that you are worried that he won't call, and it will upset you. Ask if he's written it in his appointment book. Ask if it would be easier for you to call him.
I agree with Dinah that you need a plan for what to do if he doesn't call - and then you need to execute that plan (you need to call him). This could be a way to learn assertiveness for you - for you to say that you are important even if other people are not perfect.
You might ask if he's talked about this issue with his supervision.
This is the end of the thread.
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