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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by thewriteone on November 11, 2003, at 11:22:05
I have PTSD and I don't even know what else. I've been in therapy for two years now. It takes a lot for me to build up trust in anyone and it hasn't been any different with my therapist. Recently I felt that I was there in a lot of ways. I like her a lot and I thought it was working out okay. There have been some minor issues, but nothing too major.
I went in for my session this week and immediately felt as though I wasn't welcomed. I began talking about something that happened earlier in the week, and she cut me off--not once, but twice. So I sat back and didn't say anything. Then she asked me if I was ready to terminate the relationship. It felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest. I was so stunned that I couldn't say anything. Tears just started streaming down my face and she demanded that I talk to her about it. She said that she thought I got the wrong idea--that she was asking me what I wanted to do, not trying to terminate the relationship herself. She reminded me that a couple months ago I mentioned that I was worried that I wouldn't be able to see her anymore because I was house-hunting and would probably have to move more than an hour away. At that time she told me that when the time came, we could discuss ways that we could still work together. It didn't seem like she was interested in that now. I can't even believe she would do this to me. I have deep abandonment issues and she knows it. I'm so devastated. I haven't even been able to sleep. Part of me wonders if maybe I shouldn't terminate the relationship. It can't be healthy to be dependent on someone like this, or maybe that's part of the process. I'm not sure I even know what I'm suppose to be doing.
Posted by Dinah on November 11, 2003, at 15:58:24
In reply to new here/issues with therapist, posted by thewriteone on November 11, 2003, at 11:22:05
Your post kind of reminds me of some of my earlier dustups with my therapist. I don't know if it will help you any, but I usually (ok, always) discovered that I misinterpreted his meaning. My fear of abandonment was so great that whenever he mentioned anything that even remotely sounded like termination, my flaming amygdala flamed and I couldn't hear anything else he said.
Could that be the case with you? She did say she didn't mean that she was asking to terminate.
Could you talk about it further? Talk it to death if you need to. One of my two main issues is fear of abandonment, and I'm afraid my therapist got thoroughly sick of the topic before I ceased to constantly fear he would terminate me. Can you ask her *exactly* why she asked? What was in her mind? And *exactly* how it made you feel, and the stream of consciousness it started? Can you ask her how she envisions the course of your therapy?
That being said, I think it's only fair of me to add that not all therapists are like mine. You might want to look through the archives of Psychological Babble (look at the top of this page. There's a link to Psychological Babble.) A lot of us have had these problems.
Good luck, and when in doubt, be honest with your therapist. :)
P.S. I terminated a few times and came back (and am extremely fortunate he took me back) and overall am glad I didn't follow through my impulse to abandon him before he abandoned me. I would have missed a lot of growth on my part.
Posted by stjames on November 11, 2003, at 16:12:02
In reply to new here/issues with therapist, posted by thewriteone on November 11, 2003, at 11:22:05
She said that she thought I got the wrong idea--that she was asking me what I wanted to do, not trying to terminate the relationship herself.
If the above it true, then it seems the ball is in your court and it is only up to you if you terminate this relationship.
Posted by thewriteone on November 11, 2003, at 19:45:28
In reply to Re: new here/issues with therapist » thewriteone, posted by Dinah on November 11, 2003, at 15:58:24
> My fear of abandonment was so great that whenever he mentioned anything that even remotely sounded like termination, my flaming amygdala flamed and I couldn't hear anything else he said.
Yes, I'm very aware that it's my problem. I just wish that made it easier to deal with.
> Could you talk about it further? Talk it to death if you need to. One of my two main issues is fear of abandonment, and I'm afraid my therapist got thoroughly sick of the topic before I ceased to constantly fear he would terminate me. Can you ask her *exactly* why she asked? What was in her mind? And *exactly* how it made you feel, and the stream of consciousness it started? Can you ask her how she envisions the course of your therapy?
Those are all very good suggestions. I very much plan to talk to her about it. Maybe more sooner than later. I think I'm going to try and write out my thoughts before I go in to speak with her again.
> That being said, I think it's only fair of me to add that not all therapists are like mine. You might want to look through the archives of Psychological Babble (look at the top of this page. There's a link to Psychological Babble.) A lot of us have had these problems.
Oh, I didn't realize there was a better place for this post. Sorry about that.
> Good luck, and when in doubt, be honest with your therapist. :)
Thanks. I need all the help I can get.
Posted by Dinah on November 11, 2003, at 20:31:28
In reply to Re: new here/issues with therapist, posted by thewriteone on November 11, 2003, at 19:45:28
>
> Yes, I'm very aware that it's my problem. I just wish that made it easier to deal with.
>
Boy! Do I know it! Sigh. That's true for everything in my life.For the abandonment issues with my therapist, the only thing that worked was repetition. The other day I asked him if he realized that he was now more often questioning whether I would quit therapy than I am questioning whether he would terminate me. And he, surprised, answered that he guessed I was right, that I didn't constantly question him anymore. And when I told him I almost pretty much believed he wouldn't terminate me against my will, he shouted "Alleleluiah!!" So it can happen, if you've got the time and patience.
> I think I'm going to try and write out my thoughts before I go in to speak with her again.
I always like to do that if I have something I really want to address. It helps me focus.
> Oh, I didn't realize there was a better place for this post. Sorry about that.
>No worries. :) I don't know if I've ever seen something redirected off of Psycho-Social Babble, except maybe to Admin. I just thought some of the archives might be interesting to you.
Posted by Speaker on November 11, 2003, at 21:47:16
In reply to new here/issues with therapist, posted by thewriteone on November 11, 2003, at 11:22:05
I too have gone through much of what you are feeling with your therapist. I get paniced at even the thought of being abandoned and I am on edge at any change in the therapy. I think that writing down your thoughts help a lot and that you can even take that in with you so you don't forget anything important. The anxiety this produces is horrid but each time its addressed the more open I can be to trusting. Due to circumstances I am now at a place I must stop therapy or find another therapist...its very difficult. I too struggle with PTSD. I wish you the best!
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