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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LynneDa on December 31, 2003, at 12:51:23
Hi Lyssa - Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday today. I hope you and your husband find something fun to do tonight . . . or even just hanging out at home together without your baby could be fun too! I wish you the very best of luck, peace and joyful moments for your 30s. And medication that works :-). You are in my thoughts and most certainly will be next Monday. YOU CAN DO IT!!!
~ Lynne
Posted by sfmom on January 5, 2004, at 16:31:54
In reply to SFMom - Happy Birthday to you!!, posted by LynneDa on December 31, 2003, at 12:51:23
THANK YOU SO MUCH! I haven't checked my e-mail in over a week, logged on today and had about 150, mostly from babble threads!
We did have a very nice New Year's Eve. Rosie spent the night at Grandma's house (and had a great time) and we went to a friend's house, then out to a club for a little while, then came home about 1am. I have to admit that we did revert to our old ways for one night, but with Rosie safely at Grandma's house, and it was fun!
I thought it would be more difficult to accept turning 30, but I'm actually doing okay. My meds are working better. I upped my WB to 225 and lowered my Paxil to 2.5.
But my therapist didn't think I was ready to go back to work right after New Year's so I'm now going back on the 19th. I feel a little guilty about extending my disability (again) but I guess I can't spend too much time worrying about what other people think of me, right?
How were your holidays? Do you live somewhere where you get snow and all that great holiday stuff? Of course, I don't have to live in it so what do I know?
You have all my best wishes for the new year, you deserve so much peace and happiness and I'm sure all that good karma will catch up to you eventually.
Love, Lyssa
Posted by LynneDa on January 6, 2004, at 11:08:12
In reply to Re: SFMom - Happy Birthday to you!!, posted by sfmom on January 5, 2004, at 16:31:54
Hi Lyssa -
I'm so glad you had a good time on your b-day! It sounds like "cutting loose" a bit was what you needed. I'm glad you didn't have to go back to work if you didn't feel up to it. I was wondering yesterday how you were holding up! You have to do what's best for you and getting to a place where you can start healing is the most important thing for you and your family. I am very happy to hear your meds are working better, that is a relief I am sure!The whole turning 30 thing is an adjustment. I'm glad it's not bugging you too much! I turned 40 last year and it hits me at odd times. I know I don't feel 40 on the inside, but the idea that I need to get going and get my life together is more present now that I'm in my 40s!
We had unusually warm weather for New Year's - in the 60s!! I'm in St. Louis, so usually we're in the 30s. Of course, today reality has set in with a high of 22 degrees! No snow yet, but if it's going to be this cold, we might as well get some white stuff! I know the kids would love it. We only get one or two good snows each winter.
Thanks for your good wishes! I'm trying to make sense of my karmic influences lately in regard to the way my life is unfolding. I think that there is some balancing act I'm in the process of achieving. I do think I'll get there eventually, but I have a feeling I need to struggle for a while longer. Weird thought, but that's what my "inner self" seems to be telling me. I'm being a bit stubborn about moving on, I think. Clinging to some bad behaviors for some reason. Now that my meds are working, I'm getting more clear-headed and think I can start working on some of my "issues".
Take good care and hope you can even enjoy your time off now that your meds are kicking in :-)
Love, Lynne
Posted by sfmom on January 7, 2004, at 0:30:47
In reply to Re: SFMom - Happy Birthday to you!!, posted by LynneDa on January 6, 2004, at 11:08:12
Hi Lynne,
Wow, 60 degrees in St. Louis! My friend went back to visit his family there last year or the year before and it was 13 degrees! But I have to say, from the kid in me that only rarely got to see the snow, I hope they get a chance to make snow angels and snowmen this year!
I've been in a hole for the last couple of days. Stayed in bed untill Alex and Rosalie got home and then tried to put on a happy face and make it up to them by making a nice dinner. But the stress is really taking a effect on Alex. He's been trying so hard to be strong and not burden me with his emotions but I know he's not happy about taking on all the extra responsibility. The house is a total mess. He came home tonight and started cleaning the kitchen with a vengence, when I told him I'd cook dinner and he could sit down, he told me that his friend was coming over and the house smelled like shit and I knew that he was embarrassed of us and how we're living right now. I just don't know. I was doing so much better and then it just got worse. I don't know if the meds have stopped working or if I need to up my dose. I can't up my Wellbutrin dose much more without it getting dangerous and my pdoc doesn't have any open appts until Feb. I'm now supposed to got back to work on the 21st. It was supposed to be the 19th, but that's a holiday. Sorry for going on and on. Alex is out tonight with his friends. He really needed a break. And I drank a whole bottle of wine. I know, not good for the depression or good with the meds, but it's the only thing that gets me through the night. I've been drinking almost every night, just so I can enjoy my family a little and get some sleep. I just don't know what to do instead.
What did you mean about clinging to your "bad behaviors?" I don't think any of us deserve any more sadness. You've been so helpful to me and so many more on this board. I have to thank you for staying on with Geri. I just don't have the emotional energy to respond right now, even though I read all of her posts and responses. You always seem to have such empathetic words for everyone. I'd like for you to be able to get the same in return from us. I'm sorry that I've been taking from you without giving. But it really means so much to me that you keep checking on me and extending your hand. I really can't tell you what it means to me.
Okay, I'm going to have a smoke and go to bed. Sorry for going on for so long in my drunken state. Actually, it's kind of pathetic that I'm actually not that drunk after drinking a bottle of wine. Shit, I was drunker than this last Saturday at my friend's birthday party. . .
Oh well. Good night and God bless.
Love, Lyssa
Posted by LynneDa on January 7, 2004, at 11:30:59
In reply to Re: SFMom - Happy Birthday to you!!, posted by sfmom on January 7, 2004, at 0:30:47
Lyssa,
I'm so sorry to hear you are having a rough time!! It is so hard to keep picking yourself up day after day. There always seems to be a nice up for a week or 2 after a med change, then a down and then a levelling. Maybe that's where you are right now.I know this is hard on Alex and that is another worry for you. He needs to share with you still. You are probably stronger than you both think in regard to that. It's good for him that he went out.
PLEASE don't worry about the taking/not giving thing; that is really not important here :-). I don't mind the rambling and like to feel as if I can actually help someone after being so low for so long myself!
I wish you could find a med mix that works. Even tho you can't get an appt., will he just talk to you for a minute?
I drink a glass of wine here and there and I know you're not supposed to, but it does help. Why is that? What is it in alcohol that makes me feel better than the meds? Is it just anxiety going away for a bit? If that's it then the anxiety musn't be real and why can't I feel that way all the time? Weird how our brains work!
Anyway, the behavior I can't get rid of is related to my anxiety and obsessive thought patterns that my husband will eventually see that I am not this wonderful person he thinks he married and he will want out. Somehow it comes out as nastiness, jealousy and only seeing the negative in everything he says or does. We've only been together 3 years (2nd marriages for both). The rational side of me knows that it is not true, but the depressed and anxious side of me plays these horrible tapes about how awful I am and how he has all these other options out there.
I've always had a hint of depression in me, but the stress of the last few years plus hormonal changes brought it out stronger I think. I have a normally Pollyanna life-view and that is the only thing that's saved me from having depression show up earlier in my life. I've always been very anxious in general and also very co-dependent with the men in my life. I've always picked men who need "fixing". My husband is the first "normal" and independent man I've been with, thank goodness. I guess I learned something in years of counseling after all! But, I can't get out of the habit of wanting something to be wrong in my life - needing something to fix.
Sorry this is so long, but that is what I'm hoping to work on this year - getting rid of the drama queen in me! That and just the pervasive fog I live in that doesn't allow me to be very productive at work or home. I can't remember anything or stay on track for long. Maybe I'm ADD too!
You've got 2 weeks for your meds to level you out and it can happen!!!! I can't say that I know what it's like to be in such a deep hole, mine's only medium deep! But I do know that I actually feel better at work cuz the routine of the day gets me out of my head a bit! I hope it will be that way for you!!
I wish you the best and please be careful with the drinking, tho I do understand completely!!! Let me know how you're doing!
~ Lynne
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