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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angela2 on May 30, 2004, at 20:16:53
I am feeling down. I have no stable future because of social anxiety. I don't know if I'm going to stay in school or if I am going to get a job. I'm tired of being the way I am. I want to get out of my own private hell and do something that means something to me. I want to be driven by something other than my social anxiety problem. But on the other hand, this is the one true thing about me. I have begun to define myslef by my social anxiety and its not so bad. I have taken up private artistic activities, and have begun searching for jobs that require minimal social interaction like filing and and clerical positions.
The reason I have brought this up and am feeling down is because I went to a Memorial Day party at my aunt's house and all my family and family friends were there and they of course asked about me and my brothers. So I told them what I could, that I am working temporarily with my mom right now and am taking summer classes. That I will be a senior in the fall. All the while thinking in the back of my mind the conversations I've had with my therapist and mom about quitting school.
I honestly don't know what I'm going to do in the fall right now. I could go back to school because thats what everyone is doing and I only have one year left and it would make me more marketable. Or I could get a job and start taking art classes.
Either way, I will continue to wrestle with my social anxiety. It will never go away no matter what choice I pick. Sometimes its hard for me to realize that. I tend to think "I want to run away" I forget that I can't run away from my problems.
Then there's my two brothers. Compared to them, I feel like I am the least stable one in the family. My brother is completely driven by his passion of film and is able to have long conversations about his opinions and goals about it. He is going to college for film in the fall. And my other brother is completely supporting himself, being completely responsible, in the army. Sometimes I wish I was my brother driven by film. Because I really admire that he is able to talk to people the way he does, and he has a stable outlook on his life, he doesn't have to look into the future only to see things he wants to run from.
Well there's my mess of somewhat organized thoughts...Thanks for listening.
Angela
Posted by pegasus on May 31, 2004, at 0:42:26
In reply to Peering into the Future..., posted by Angela2 on May 30, 2004, at 20:16:53
Thanks for sharing your thoughts about your life. It sounds painful for you right now. I wish there *were* a way to peer into the future and see the outcomes of all the possible decisions you could make.
It does sound like you have some good things going on too. For example, you are finding things that you can do that don't cause you anxiety (like artistic activities). And it seems like a good idea to think about work that wouldn't require much social interaction.
It must be tough dealing with school when you're struggling with social anxiety. I've always been shy, but not really socially phobic, and I've had trouble with school especially. Not with learning things, just with dealing with the people who I don't know. Although I've noticed that as I get older, my anxieties in social situations become more manageable. I hope the same will happen for you.
pegasus
Posted by partlycloudy on May 31, 2004, at 6:16:02
In reply to Peering into the Future..., posted by Angela2 on May 30, 2004, at 20:16:53
I'm the youngest of 4, and I always struggled with my lack of direction compared with my brothers and sister. I never had the conviction, confidence and passion for the goals they had - I was just trying to get through day by day without falling apart. I felt like a complete failure because I didn't get further education after high school apart from some courses at night. My jobs were entry level customer service positions, or sales. I stuttered and sweated before I could even approach any customers on the sales floor.
With the perspective of twenty years down the line - I'm 41 now - I can see that as successful as my siblings might have seemed, and even with all the mental and emotional problems I've been living with, I don't think I'm more or less successful than they are anymore.
We don't have to take the same path as others in our family just because it's the "right" or because we're comparing ourselves to them. It's more important to do what's right for YOU right now. Your career track is going to be completely different from anyone else's in your family. That's the way it's supposed to be. Do you know what kind of advantage you'll have over other students if you work (or volunteer) for a year before resuming your education? You'll actually have morelife experience than any of them!
I wish I hadn't spent so much of my life and time worrying and feeling disappointed about how I measured up to the others. Perhaps I'd be further along in my recovery if I hadn't been forcing this square peg into the round holes I thought I had to fit into.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. Let yourself heal and develop rather than forcing yourself into something that makes so you uncomfortable. You don't have to follow the exact footpaths of others.
pc
Posted by Noa on May 31, 2004, at 10:11:05
In reply to Peering into the Future..., posted by Angela2 on May 30, 2004, at 20:16:53
I had a lot of difficulty finishing college, too. Reading your post reminded me of that (it was a long time ago!).
I ended up taking a lighter load for a few semesters, and getting a job on the side, which I enjoyed. Then, I went to summer school to finish.
I also remember feeling totally at a loss as to my future when I was nearing my senior year. I ended up going to grad school related to the work I'd been doing on the side, rather than related to my major (which, btw, I changed 3 times!!!!). I was kind of lost in college, not knowing what I wanted to do, struggling with depression and a lot of unfinished family stuff.
In grad school, which was a short program that I could have finished in two semesters plus a summer (and was what my friends did), I had great difficulty with depression in the spring semester and took some incompletes. It was very hard having those hanging over my head but I was in total meltdown mode, so there was no choice. I took a job and loved working so much more than being in school. Still, I struggled with the depression and it got worse. But when it started to get better, I finished my degree by taking some courses through a college extension program at another school and transferring the credits.
It's hard to deal with school when dealing with psychiatric problems, I know.
I wish I could give you advice. I can't. It's hard to know for each individual what the best choices are--to push through and finish soon or to take a hiatus from school and finish later. For some people, going back to finish later is extremely difficult.
For me, because living with my parents did not seem a viable option for me, emotionally, but they were paying for the school tuition and my housing while in school, I was motivated to finish school as soon as I could manage it, and then moving on to working and supporting myself. I don't know how it would have turned out if I had been comfortable living with my parents, though.
Anyway, I doubt this has been that helpful to you, Angela. Like I said, I cannot offer any advice. But I can relate somewhat, now that I'm remembering those college years.
BTW, eventually, after working a number of years, I chose to go back to school again for another degree, believe it or not! But this time, I loved it. It was soemthing I chose to do and I was really ready for it. It was so much better going back later on than it was when I was younger. I was there for a reason, I knew where I was headed, unlike back in college age, when I was totally confused about my direction.
Take care, Angela.
Posted by Angela2 on June 5, 2004, at 11:09:07
In reply to Peering into the Future..., posted by Angela2 on May 30, 2004, at 20:16:53
Thank you guys for answering me. I really appreciate it. It feels uncomfortable answering y'all because nothing about my struggle has changed. I'm not really feeling better about it. So I can't reply and say "thank you so much your post has made me feel so much better." But I really do appreciate you all sharing. Its interesting how each person with social anxiety is unique. Some people are able to push past the uncomfortableness to participate in social situations while others are not. Thank you again,
Angela
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