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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by littlep24 on June 19, 2004, at 12:00:10
Ever since I have known my husband he as thought I was childish and I would grow out of it as our marriage grew, he is 7 years older than me. Here we are 8 years into the marriage and that childish way of dealing with issues is still there. Example, today is my best friends sons 1st birthday party. We have known about it for a month. My husband is recently sober for 6 months so any party could be hard for him and my best friends husband doesn't know he is a recovering, well step up and deal with that by being honest instead of trying to hide it. He never said a peep before today about not wanting to go. Today his sister calls him, she closed on a house yesterday and asked if he wanted to take a ride to PA (from NJ) to see the house. This was an out for him because he didn't want to be around others who were drinking. If my sister called the day of there would of been hell to pay that she thinks we should just drop everything for her but it is ok for his family.(major issue) Instinctively the answer should have been no but he decided to ask me if I cared. Well of course I care for that fact that it is my best friends and not wanting to have to worry about watching both the kids at a party on my own it is a family event. I told him, whatever, he said your not gonna get made and I said I will get over it. However, I feel like he should of known how I felt and made the decision on his own to go to the party. I guess this was kinda a headgame for me instead of out right saying I will be made. This is the way I deal with things. Childish? Then when he tried to talk to me 15 minutes later I went off on him that he made the choice to go with his sister and he said but I asked you and I said but you knew the answer and the outcome, that I would be mad. Childish?
Posted by gardenergirl on June 20, 2004, at 13:28:20
In reply to Childish?, posted by littlep24 on June 19, 2004, at 12:00:10
I'm sorry you and your husband are struggling over this. I have been married almost 9 years. My husband and I are only two years apart, though (actually he's the younger one). But this sounds typical of the things that couples have to negotiate.
My ex-fiance used to call me "simple" when we would fight. I would get so upset by this, and I think in some ways he meant childish. I later learned it was just his way of hurting me. I don't know if your husband's use of the word "childish" is just one of his "tools" in his fight bag, but perhaps you could talk to him about how you can negotiate these dilemmas.
Coming up with a plan ahead of time for how to decide these types of things can help when something emotional or unexpected comes up.
good luck to you dear,
gg
Posted by littlep24 on June 20, 2004, at 14:34:41
In reply to Re: Childish?, posted by gardenergirl on June 20, 2004, at 13:28:20
Garden Girl,
Thanks for your thoughts. We each try to cut things off before they are going to happen. It always seems like when one is willing to be accepting the others has closed all the doors and vice versa which makes for little room to grow.
I think what I really am fighting with is separating my issues with the depression from the issues of everyday life.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 21, 2004, at 0:30:03
In reply to Re: Childish? » gardenergirl, posted by littlep24 on June 20, 2004, at 14:34:41
I think that's a good insight, how depression can get mixed up with everyday stressors until its hard to see what's what. Do you see a therapist? If so, maybe he or she can help you sort it out. Also, are you on any medications? They might need adjusting.
Good luck to you. It wasn't until I was in therapy for several months for atypical depression that my husband seemed to be able to understand my moods and needs. He's much more supportive now. Sometimes I wonder if therapy is "contagious" or if he sees a T too. :)
gg
Posted by AuntieMel on June 21, 2004, at 13:35:19
In reply to Re: Childish? » gardenergirl, posted by littlep24 on June 20, 2004, at 14:34:41
Having just completed 14 months, I can relate to both sides. Have you tried al-anon? It should help you with dealing with the problems he is going through, but more importantly it can teach you to take care of yourself. A family group says that as the addict recovers, the family member needs to take care of his/her own addiction (the addict).
Give it a shot. Couldn't hurt.
Posted by littlep24 on June 21, 2004, at 14:30:12
In reply to Re: Childish? » littlep24, posted by AuntieMel on June 21, 2004, at 13:35:19
Thanks for your thoughts. Hoping to get there someday, however, with everything else my own therapy, marriage counseling, depression support group, two small children and driving my husband too and from work everyday I am pretty well drained of the little energy I have left after my depression.
Posted by littlep24 on June 21, 2004, at 18:44:11
In reply to Re: Childish? » littlep24, posted by AuntieMel on June 21, 2004, at 13:35:19
I really want to apologize for my lack of support to you while you gave it to me. I did not even think about congratulating you on your sobriety until later in the day. It actually made me cry that I did not do it in my orignal post. With the depression I am really self centered and don't realize other peoples pain including my husbands and it takes its toll on him as well as my relationship with others.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 22, 2004, at 0:22:58
In reply to Re: Childish? » AuntieMel, posted by littlep24 on June 21, 2004, at 18:44:11
Wow. It sounds like you have a lot going on, too.
gg
This is the end of the thread.
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