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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Wildflower on September 22, 2004, at 12:57:10
I'm not sure if this belongs here or on the psychology board but I really need some encouraging stories...
My depression is quickly eating away my will to do anything. Getting up out of the chair seems like a chore. Forget about grocery shopping or paying bills - too much energy required. All I want to do is put my head down on my desk and fall asleep. I've had depression for years but it hasn't ever been this bad. It's unbelieveable how quickly I slid into this position.
I just can't function anymore. Every time I answer my work phone, the person on the other end asks if they caught me at a bad time since I sound so irritated. I don't want to leave my house and I have no desire to be around people.
Does this ever get better? Life shouldn't be torture. I've lost my patience and I really need to hear success stories...
Posted by partlycloudy on September 22, 2004, at 13:12:39
In reply to Need lots of encouragement, posted by Wildflower on September 22, 2004, at 12:57:10
Hi, Wildflower. I'm just coming out of my latest fog. I was bewildered by it because I've had months of improvement. As my friends here reminded me, forwards and backwards are the rule for depression. It doesn't so much get better than it stops getting worse, and then it fades.
The hardest thing for me to do is cut myself some slack when I am feeling so wretched. I don't try to hide it at work anymore (mostly because it takes too much energy), but keep to myself in my quiet turtle shell. If you're a task oriented person, cut your housework or office work into bite sized pieces. Don't try to do too much or you'll only get upset with yourself.
Hang in there - this will pass.
pc
Posted by Wildflower on September 22, 2004, at 13:35:47
In reply to Re: Need lots of encouragement » Wildflower, posted by partlycloudy on September 22, 2004, at 13:12:39
I just can't believe that I let myself slide this far. I'm not one to ask for help so you know by my post that I'm not well.
Thanks for the advice about cutting things in small pieces. I just bought a house and moved in so my place is very disorganized. Every night I seem to find a "project" to keep me busy but I get very frustrated that I can't complete it before I'm exhausted and need to sleep.
Posted by partlycloudy on September 22, 2004, at 14:19:58
In reply to Re: Need lots of encouragement » partlycloudy, posted by Wildflower on September 22, 2004, at 13:35:47
Congratulations on the house - no wonder you're reeling! Just choose a corner of a room and make it liveable. Then you can sit in the mess and look at a lovely part of your house.
Once when I moved from England back to the US - and from a house to an apartment - I was left to do all the unpacking and squeezing in all by myself. I was overwhelmed (and angry at being left with such a mess).
At that time I was good at turning situations around. I decided to unpack only one box a day, and no more. It took a long time but helped to diffuse my feelings.
Posted by pegasus on September 22, 2004, at 14:56:31
In reply to Need lots of encouragement, posted by Wildflower on September 22, 2004, at 12:57:10
Wildflower, I'm so sorry that you're living with depression like that. I can tell you that I've had it like that, and in my case it did get a lot better. I've really been free of major episodes for at least a couple of years.
I think that moving can be a huge trigger. There's just so much to do, and so much that you could worry about. I love pc's advice about finding one small corner to make livable. Or unpacking one box a day. It just doesn't help to set goals that would be ok if you weren't depressed. It's ok to say, hey, I'm depressed, and I just have to take as much as I can off my plate.
Also, just so you know the story, in my case, depression came and went, alternating with serious anxiety, until I found a good antidepressant. Now it seems to have gone for good, more or less. There are still days . . . but I haven't lived with that leaden black clothing on for a long time. So, meds and therapy (cognitive mainly) have been my saving grace. I sincerely hope that you find some good solutions soon as well.
pegasus
Posted by Wildflower on September 22, 2004, at 15:08:07
In reply to Re: Need lots of encouragement, posted by pegasus on September 22, 2004, at 14:56:31
> I love pc's advice about finding one small corner to make livable. Or unpacking one box a day.
I've got everything almost unpacked but I don't feel settled.
> Also, just so you know the story, in my case, depression came and went, alternating with serious anxiety, until I found a good antidepressant.
Do you mind if I ask which one worked for you? (Dr. Bob, please don't redirect me...)
Posted by just plain jane on September 22, 2004, at 15:52:57
In reply to Need lots of encouragement, posted by Wildflower on September 22, 2004, at 12:57:10
My son and I moved back to my home from two years at my significant other's home in February. It was the only time I've ever lived in someone else's home and was a real slide down into depression and oppression.
(But, I did learn a lot.) I can relate to your term, "torture".
We still have boxes left where we set them. The other half of my king-sized bed is heaped with boxes, clothes, small furniture, one of my saddles. Two more saddles grace my loveseat back. A dirt bike is half disassembled in my kitchen (best lighting). The dogs have decided they have to check what we throw away to make sure we don't waste any good stuff, then they sweetly distribute bits of it throughout our home. I let it lie.
Fortunately, we have a project we DO feel inclined to work on. We are building a basement this fall to put a house on next spring and plan on moving into it.None of the crap in this house is as interesting as the project of the basement, or time spent with our animals.
So... we deal with the stuff we can and want to get done and ignore the rest. At least it allows us accomplishment, and that leads us out of the depths to a place where we can look at some of these crap things and knock off one or two a week.
As has been said, slow, but better than not at all.If you can allow yourself a project, something you DO like and WANT to do, that will allow you to feel accomplishment as you work on it, that may help you find the tunnel with the light.
Wish I had great advice for how to conquer your difficulties, but we all know it's for only us to discover.
I hope our stories and comments help some.just plain jane
Posted by pegasus on September 22, 2004, at 16:27:04
In reply to Re: Need lots of encouragement » pegasus, posted by Wildflower on September 22, 2004, at 15:08:07
Sure. For me it was Paxil. But I know it doesn't work as well for other folks. Prozac didn't do a thing for me, and the others had side effects that I couldn't live with. Now, I hear that Paxil often has side effects, but I haven't experienced any of them so far to any extent. So, I guess I'm lucky that I found something that worked and that I can live with. One great thing about it, and other SSRIs is that it helps both depression and anxiety.
pegasus
Posted by Poet on September 22, 2004, at 19:56:44
In reply to Need lots of encouragement, posted by Wildflower on September 22, 2004, at 12:57:10
Hi Wildflower,
I fell into a major depression in April, it coincided with losing my job and buying a new house so much of it was psychological. I got on new meds in May which helped, but my pdoc thinks that therapy and distancing myself from my job is what really helped.
Depression for me is hopefully in remission. It took a lot of time and I spent a lot of time lying around the house crying, but less and less each day.
Try to imagine the pain getting less and less each day. I know you can make it through the hell, I'm just sorry you have to be in it.
Poet
Posted by saw on September 23, 2004, at 1:25:10
In reply to Need lots of encouragement, posted by Wildflower on September 22, 2004, at 12:57:10
Hi Wildflower
I felt very strongly for you when reading your post. Particularly since I understand COMPLETELY how you are feeling. One sentence that struck me was that you said "How did I let myself slide this far". You didn't. You became depressed and chemically imbalanced, whichever happens first and what you are feeling, experiencing and going through is out of your control. The frustration at the lack of desire and energy is debilitating.
I do not think I am in remission, though meds have brought me out of the deepest slump so that I am functioning again. There is still so much that suffers around me though. Particularly my focus and concentration at work. They are almost non existant. But I am somehow plodding on.
I relapsed earlier this year and "helping" factors were an unwanted move from my lovely house to a really gross apartment and getting married. I still have boxes stashed away because I kept saying I would sort them out after the wedding. That was months ago and I still haven't been able to get myself to sort it out, let alone tidy the cupboards. The worst guilt and confusion I suffered was that I should be ecstatic about getting married to the man of my dreams, yet all I could do was cry and I was filled with so much inexplicable rage. I don't remember laughing much on my honeymoon. And if I did, my eyes weren't smiling. And ALL the while I kept saying that it shouldn't be like this. Why, Why, Why?
It is not unbelievable how quickly you slipped and I emphasize again, you did not *let* yourself slide. You did not choose to feel the way you are feeling.
I have cheekily taken to ignoring my phone at work, especially on days when my mood shines through my voice.
You are not alone. Write about it as much as possible or as much as you can, you said to pc that if you are posting then it must be bad. Support from those who understand is essential. And you will get that support here.
Strength and thoughts
Sabrina
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