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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on November 13, 2004, at 20:07:12
Over the last couple of weeks I have felt myself slipping. I would be able to claw myself out of that big black hole for a while and just keep on keeping on, but it is becoming such a struggle... I think I am slipping back.
I just want to curl up in bed and try to sleep it all away. I am spending more and more time taking drugs to try to escape. (I never answered you Susan about what sort. Because I am embarrassed at the answer: anything I can lay my hands on). I can't focus on my work. I go to work and just stare at it.
Maybe part of it is because things are getting closer to deadline. Maybe another part of it is that I feel like I am on 'mantinence' therapy instead of any real work. But then I can't handle any real work anyway. I just feel so tired and drained. I would rather be in hospital. I guess that means I've given up again.
Posted by just plain jane on November 14, 2004, at 2:34:11
In reply to not coping, posted by alexandra_k on November 13, 2004, at 20:07:12
wish i had some wonderful wise words to share to raise you up above the depths, to let you soar freely, weightlessly, without a care, floating among the clouds, listening to the thunder and lightning below while a mighty storm cleanses your life, washing away all the darkness and pain, leaving only a fresh, clean, renewed outlook and a bright sunny future for you to land softly back into.
sadly, that is not in my power for i am
just plain jane
Posted by AdaGrace on November 14, 2004, at 10:01:34
In reply to not coping, posted by alexandra_k on November 13, 2004, at 20:07:12
Sometimes I feel like I don't have any "real" problems like others here, and I am just being a selfish child. But then I remember what the therapist said. (you know the one I went to all of 3 times) "You can't get much lower.....you're at ground zero in the self esteem area".
That's been my problem all my life. That truth, that one tiny bit of truth is why I quit going to therapy. I didn't want to deal with that, I didn't want to work on that. After all, doesn't building self esteem turn someone into a selfish self centered individual? Probably not, but I can't convince myself of that. Working on myself would mean giving up the wallowing in self pitty, it would mean giving up the drinking, it would mean dealing with life. And I just can't deal with life.Now, Alexandra, for you.......
It appears that perhaps you posting on here is reaching out for help and it seems to be helping...so therefore you are not giving up. No?
Talk to me sweety, sharing war stories tends to make people feel better about themselves. Doesn't it? Is that misery loves company? Not really, perhaps it is that by hearing other's stories, your own don't seem so pathetic. And one begins to feel that by talking, helping, and advising others, you actually "FEEL" something. And by feeling something, you are living, not giving up.
Even if the living is through someone else, at least it is living.Can anyone tell I forgot to take my Lexapro last night?
AdaGrace, talking outside the box.
Posted by Jai Narayan on November 14, 2004, at 20:40:09
In reply to not coping, posted by alexandra_k on November 13, 2004, at 20:07:12
Oh honey, I'm so sorry to hear that.
reading your note made me feel overwhelmed as well with all that you have to do.
could it be that you have a lot on your plate right now?
I know that when I am facing deadlines....I feel like a deer in the headlights. I just lose it.
So if you can take it just a tiny bit at a time and the deadlines be d**ned. (I have such a hardtime swearing with all the asterisks)
Only do as much as you can. Take is slow and ease up on yourself. Remember you are more important than all the work in the world....all the projects can wait.
please breathe in deeply and know that I am sending you love in the inhale. Exhale out all the stress and negative energy.
Remember you are loved. We can wait for your work to be done. Right?
Let's look at what is important....you
did I say you yet?
YOu.
YOU
yOU
ewe
okay I got silly.
: )
Jai your buddy
Posted by alexandra_k on November 14, 2004, at 20:45:09
In reply to Re: not coping » alexandra_k, posted by AdaGrace on November 14, 2004, at 10:01:34
I guess that I am just feeling like my life is so up in the air...
I have to move cottages at the hostel. Goodbye ranch slider and smoking step. Goodbye computer lab (just a couple of meters away). Moving makes me feel all upheaved like I don't have a home. I went and had a look at the new room though, and it is about twice as big as my last one, so I guess it is not all bad...
I don't know whether I am staying here next year, or moving to the south island to go to Ashburn (a psych. hospital). Didn't apply to hostel here because I won't know till mid Feb. But then if Ashburn falls through I'll be looking for accomodation when everybody is looking as the academic year starts in March. Feel bad applying for tutoring work here for the same reason: either I want all the work I can get or none at all. mid Feb. is leaving it a little late with respect to them finding a replacement though.
Then I don't know whether I'll be leaving for the States in September or not. If not, then I don't know whether I'll be leaving for Australia next summer or not. I hate everything being up in the air like this. I don't feel safe.
And then there are my deadlines. Eep. Sorry. One moment at a time...
Posted by just plain jane on November 16, 2004, at 5:21:59
In reply to Re: not coping » alexandra_k, posted by AdaGrace on November 14, 2004, at 10:01:34
"box"
what is this "box"?
I don't believe I've been inside a "box" before. Hmmmm
Is that where I should have been all along when talking so someone would hear me?
just plain huggin ya jane
Posted by just plain jane on November 16, 2004, at 5:24:05
In reply to Re: not coping, posted by Jai Narayan on November 14, 2004, at 20:40:09
Posted by alexandra_K on November 18, 2004, at 16:56:26
In reply to Re: not coping » alexandra_k, posted by AdaGrace on November 14, 2004, at 10:01:34
This is the end of the thread.
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